Nikol and I invented a sport where we battle with our families’ facebook statuses to see who’s bigger white trash.
When my cousin was told by her pastor that facebook was the devil’s work and left, I thought my career was over. No more would I see a picture of an Orang Utan palming its face accompanied by a quote from Ecclisiastes. But my other cousin who became a grandmother at 28 stepped up:
ROUND 1
The Haslers
Welp…the kids and I have been doin’ yard pickup…while as usual the hub has been in his usual place on the couch tipping his best friend and favorite beverage back. I’ve had enough of him, his lies, his tipping back…if he does not make changes in a week, I see him on his own and the kiddos and me making a whole new world for ourselves. Enough is enough, yep I keep it real and that’s where I’m at; any questions
The Tacos
for all you nosey no life of ur own idiots that live on here to gossip… i was set up last night and refused to sell people out so i was arrested. the charges are crap and from my stand point if you have nothing better to do then recommend trash and post it about me then go fuck yourselves and each other !!!!!!! too bad you have nothing better to do or to worry about. but god dont like ugly and neither do i so best of luck to you all. this karma will bite your asses…. i promise2 people like this.
(REDACTED) You go girl! People need to mind there own fucken business and worry about the shit in their own back yard…. To everyone out there remember the saying “If you aint got anything good to say, dont say anything at all” And another thing (REDACTED) is innocent un-till proven guilty….
ROUND 2
The Haslers
WE ARE SCREWED!!!!!!
WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE. THATS WHY I GO TO WORK EVERYDAY SO EVERY DAMN FREE LOADING SOB CAN SIT ON THEIR ASS AND I CAN PAY FOR IT. SURE YOU WANT SOME FOOD STAMPS HERE YA GO SOME FREE MEDICAL HERE YA GO FREE CELL PHONE HERE YA GO, OH WAIT YOU MEAN YOU HAVE A JOB??? GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS LINE. OH THATS RIGHT I AM THE ONE WHO HAS TO PAY FOR IT ALL. PATHETIC IS WHAT WE HAVE BECOME.MAKES ME WANT TO FREAKING PUKE
and i was not on any illicit substances in that stupid photo i just woke up and must have blinked. so all you gossipers and haters keep on with all your internet friends as i will keep on doing things not on here and off the net as thats where real life occurs. enjoy your typing as i will enjoy the sunshine… Like · · Share · 9 minutes ago ·(REDACTED) likes this.
(REDACTED) You should’t have to explain your self, fuck those a- holes who want to spread gossip and the untruths !!
6 minutes ago via mobile · Like · 1
(REDACTED) tks (REDACTED). funny thing is i am actually innocent of this so called crime. i admit i have a reord but not with this kind of stupidity.
5 minutes ago · Like · 1
ROUND 3
The Haslers
Well, I heard through the grapevine that some worthless f*cking bastard was still talking shit all over Facebook (much like a teenage f*cking girl). And this will make twice that I’ve had to stoop to his level and respond to his nonsense…I am so f*cking sick of my daddy getting shit on…keep on talking your shit, you no-account, lying, theiving, f*cking cocksucker…but like I’ve said before, your day will come motherf*cker…and I hope that when you finally f*cking meet death, that it is slow and f*cking painful…and they just roll you in a tarp and throw you in a f*cking cold, dark hole for the worms to eat…——until then, grow some f*cking balls and quit hiding behind your fucking computer, you f*cking bitch-made motherf*cker…cause, I ain’t f*cking scared of you…you don’t intimidate me…you make me f*cking laugh, actually…you’re pathetic…Next time you’re in Grottoes for a visit, I’d love get together and tell you to your face that my daddy is and always has been a better man than you…and that you are and always have been a f*cking cold hearted, twisted, perverted, nasty motherf*cker….—-ALL YOU F*CKING BITCHES HAVE A GREAT DAY AND SUCK MY ASS!!!!!
The Tacos
2 hours ago via mobile
And hey Steffy you might not care what your kids and family think when you were off on the cracks pipe getting ducked by a plug in sawmill but I care what my family thinks about a trummped up charge. So go pound sand you piece of washed up shit!!!2 hours ago via mobile
Oops plug in sawsall
I’m putting this one in the “W” column due to a woman being fucked on crack by a (twice) misspelled Sawzall®.
Always nice to remember your roots.
delicioustacos 
I gotta say, getting fucked by a sawmill is even more hilarious, albeit completely outlandish. I fully believe someone has modified a Sawzall and stuck a dildo of monstrous proportions on the end.
This is fucking great.
Anybody that uses the word “welp” I know automatically they have nothing to say.
DT,
Here’s how I scored it: rd1 – Ts; rd2 – Ts; rd3 – Ts.
The Haslers put up a good fight and were quite strong in round 3, but the Tacos have won in tree straight rounds of pure trashiness.
Go Tacos!
Grandmother at 28? She sounds like a source of some great posts
Hasler’s win for sure. You can’t top the “suck my ass” line.
Grandma at 28. Help me out with the math on that DT.
Tacos, Tacos, Hasslers
Nikol’s family has surprisingly good grammar for white trash, must have a good public school system where they live. They use semi colons and everything. Not sure if she used them correctly as I don’t really know how to use them myself; I just throw them in where they look good.
Here’s one from my little cousin the other day:
Helen and somerset wit my uptop north philly boys……and yes you can hang on on the ave and not get into any trouble…..some of the realist friends i’ll ever have…..south philly and north philly babys
This quote was accompanying a picture of him and a couple of fucking guttersnipes who would probably ice pick him in the gut over 5 bucks if it came down to it, standing on the corner of Helen and Somerset street mean muggin for the camera. The “ave” being referenced is Kensington Ave., and there is absolutely no one hanging around out there who is NOT getting into trouble. That’s the only reason he added that bit about not getting into trouble, because he’s a horrible liar. He’s not white trash, though. At least, he wasn’t raised that way.
Oh, and I told you the Puerto Ricans keep roosters:
Testing something out here. I notice some blogs let people post pics right in the comment section. Not sure how it works, but let’s see