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My neighbor got bedbugs. I only see him when he has to drag a big plastic city trash can under his balcony. Spiderman himself up into his apartment. Something I used to do when I got fucked up. Once in a while I see his girlfriend walking up the stairs. So beautiful it makes me panic for a second, even though she can’t see me in my kitchen. Someone once asked me to pick a superpower. I chose invisibility. It only came true for pretty girls. I never forget my keys. I’m alone. He has the kind of girl who gives you Devendra Banhart’s bedbugs.
I learned about his bedbugs after the landlady had filthy drunk workmen from Chiapas going back and forth from his place to mine all day. Spreading the bedbugs. Later she had a document for me to sign. It said I agreed that any bedbugs ever found in my place in the future had been brought solely by me. That I alone am liable for any damage to the apartment. My possessions.
I did not knock her down. Clean and jerk her over my head. She’s in her 70’s. Small to begin with and old women have hollow bird bones. I did not hoist her aloft. Ululate in an Ultimate Warrior voice. I did not spin once then toss her 20 feet off the porch as the 8-axle city sewer truck roared by. I did not run down to the pavement to stomp the bones of whatever bloody thing was left until it stopped twitching. I politely declined to sign the paper. We’ll see what happens.
delicioustacos 
I had bedbugs they suck.
Diatomecuos Earth is a good thing to fight them with.
Good luck, man. Glad you didn’t sign/pile drive her into the carpet.
Whiniest whoremonger on earth
Heyyy, the part about that poor innocent landjew was ANTI-SEMITIC! REEEP REEEP REEEP REEEP WOOOO-OOOOO WOOOO-OOOOO electric screechbird cocksucker