Second Date Idea

9 Jul
image stolen from

image stolen from

I want to chain you to a pipe. Stop taking birth control. Move into my sweaty apartment. Let go of your possessions. Your pets. I’ll ladle water down your gullet. Sop up your waste. You’ll live off fruits I baby bird down your throat as I impregnate you again and again. Build a bunker underground for our hundreds of offspring. With whom I’ll also breed.

Let me cocoon you to my futon in 1,000 layers of Saran Wrap until you’re an atrophied putrifying jelly. Just a mouth hole and a little bit of face poking out. Only sensory input is my Q tip tickling your eyelids.

Let me bang your fart gas into my aorta with a sharpened turkey baster. Let me war paint with your period. Squat over my face and give me your diarrhea as bronzer. Get AIDS and cut my name into your neck and let me roll in thorns and shower in your dripping AIDS blood. Chew out my eyes then spit them down my dickhole as we 69 to REO Speedwagon. I want to weasel my whole being into your ridgy colon. Shit me out on your palms and lick me off. I need you, I need you to need me. How about it.

12 Responses to “Second Date Idea”

  1. ben July 9, 2015 at 8:48 am #

    let us know how it goes

  2. Robby July 9, 2015 at 1:20 pm #

    Make sure you split the bill.

    • Pat Pong July 25, 2015 at 1:29 pm #


  3. tiffany mcjiggletits July 9, 2015 at 5:03 pm #

    how romantic. this post is so sweet it gave my eyes diabetes

  4. Anal Trauma July 9, 2015 at 7:27 pm #

    You’ve obviously given this some thought. This left me with a somewhat similar level of distaste as seeing parts of the first Human Centipede.

  5. Small July 9, 2015 at 11:04 pm #

    I like it – it doesn’t seem too eager.

  6. whatarandomfuckingguy July 10, 2015 at 12:33 pm #


  7. CockShitFuck July 12, 2015 at 4:16 am #

    Wedding vows complete.

  8. Anal Trauma July 13, 2015 at 4:18 am #

    A thought hit me – ever thought about tackling trailer park chicks? I am sure your desires wouldn’t be too far out of the ball park for them – may lead to true love. Imagine an Asian trailer park chick.

    • Shylock Holmes July 20, 2015 at 8:19 am #

      You had me up to REO Speedwagon. Hall and Oates, however, would be an entirely different matter.

  9. Anonymous July 21, 2015 at 9:31 pm #

    are you sure you needed to stop smoking heroin


  1. Second Date Idea | - July 9, 2015

    […] Second Date Idea […]

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