Agnes Kwon

11 Dec

She resembles Twitter user @gookcity

I saw Agnes Kwon on Hinge. The girl The Wolf Witch is about, and many other things. Do I message her, I thought on the toilet. I have money now. So it’s less embarrassing to date me.

But Agnes Kwon wants a guy with a nice house he owns. And it’s clean, and the maid, unlike my maid, cleans the grout cracks around his bathtub and wipes the greasy dust off the wainscotting. He has Spindrift beverages in his fridge and owns a Borzoi. Or a Shiba Inu or something.

He paraglides. Owns $300K in cryptocurrency. Absolutely a Tesla but probably a dual motor Model 3 not a Model S. And he’s white. That’s 100%. And he went to Choate Rosemary Hall. He’s a grizzled photographer with salt and pepper stubble, he does things like take those urban landscape pictures where the depth of field makes shit look like an HO scale railroad set, is the kind of man Agnes wants. Really at 38 she needs to change her Hinge age back to 32 and date a smelly autistic nerd who has $3MM in cryptocurrency.

She had a flappy pussy. Which I’m an asshole for writing about. But she’s still a hard 8 in the face. And decent little tits and that pussy’s interior is absolutely snug and plush, no man could complain. And she’s good on top and can cum. She uses grapefruit scented moisturizer on her forehead. She’s pretty, she likes the crossword on the beach, she’s funny and I miss her. She got rid of me for being a loser and she wasn’t wrong.

I run the thought experiment of telling Agnes Kwon I’m a (REDACTED) executive now. I make (REDACTED) a year doing (REDACTED). Would this shit impress her. Would she come back. A good place to end this post but it’s bullshit. She was embarrassed to date me. Because I’m a loser. I could say I’m glad she’s still single. And that’s bullshit too. She’s a great person. She was a wonderful muse, I’m glad I knew her. I hope she froze her eggs.

13 Responses to “Agnes Kwon”

  1. Wavvytheplant December 11, 2021 at 2:32 pm #

    No one is/would be embarrassed to date you DT. You dated a hot Asian chick once before and you will date one again. I have faith you will, but now you gotta start believing.

    • shillberg December 13, 2021 at 11:21 am #

      bad reading comprehension, Wavvy. he wrote she *was* embarrassed to date him in the past when he was a loser living in a sweaty jackshack apartment filled with insects and mold. now he’s doing much better and is thinking about peacocking his success to get another crack at that ex-pussy with an 8/10 face. but judging from the blockhead square-jawed reference photo she was probably just a 4 with a tight bod. basically your average azn under 40. any time tacos rates an azn woman you have to divide the number by half to account for his yellowfeaver.

      if tacos Hinged with her now, she’d probably reply and make plans to arrive at his doorstep ready to party. or maybe her ego hyperinflated along with everything else over the years, and she’s still holding out for a smelly nerd with $3M in crypto net worth and a beachfront estate. who knows. i would say for me, new pussy is better, but nostalgia is indeed quite the itch that screams for a scratchin’.

      • Wavvytheplant December 13, 2021 at 11:28 am #

        Good observation, but you and I both know that DT still believes he’s an embarrassment to be with.

  2. consultanon December 11, 2021 at 2:47 pm #

    Sounds like you want to hit it again for your ego. Find a newer model and this time don’t broadcast your insecurities to her. Revelino style

  3. African-Anonymous December 11, 2021 at 9:16 pm #

    *two* poasts in a month, and it’s not even the 15th yet.
    santa is rael and he’s delivering early 😉

  4. Sanjay Luvs Life December 15, 2021 at 12:41 am #

    Good morning sirs, it is once again time to do the Needful.

    • Sanjay Luvs Life December 15, 2021 at 10:41 pm #

      We have Lifted Off. Mission Accomplish!!! Thank you sirs.

  5. Choad December 20, 2021 at 5:05 pm #

    Something tells me it takes you less than 10 minutes horny pieces. You want to fuck this girl you find attractive, but you also think some other guy is in a better place to fuck her. You you have traits of the guy who she’ll have sex with, but it’s not enough, the image of her fucking someone else still comes in the picture.
    These tropes come easy for you.

    We (I, really) love the horny pieces, but knowing you write something everyday (I do, on your recommendation) means knowing you also write different stuff than horny pieces.

    I know this because you wrote this very post about Agnes, and wrote The Wolf Witch about her too. There’s horny DT, and there’s DT with thoughtful perspective about other things than how he wants to fuck some attractive girl.

    You probably also write flowing or disjointed prose about how your mind processes events that happen to you. How it’d be nice to be more but you’re stuck with your brain, mind, and body. And then those fiction writing, which might take arduous effort to think up but still almost always come out great.

    We (I, really) would like to see more of other things you write really. Still love the horny pieces though.

    • Grammarly_Choad December 20, 2021 at 5:08 pm #

      *less than 10 minutes to write these horny pieces.

  6. Nick At Gaymail December 30, 2021 at 11:28 pm #

    God damn man did you turn into a total loser. Or were you always? 38?????? I made it all the way to 45 and never ever evereverever had my dick in anything over 26. Or over 50kg. Or just generally any less than at least phenomenal body (face? yea hit or miss there)

    Who cries about some post menopausal Asian slut? Also do you know absolutely nothing about women, as in no matter what they say or pretend, none of them cares about money. I’ve got a fuck shack shithole apartment, only for fucking, and I take all sorts of high society sluts there on my ridiculous race bike. Expensive bike, shithole apartment. Do any of them care? No dude of course not. They like BAD boys not fags with titles given to them by their masters, making some kind of slave existence little faggy salary.

    You write good stories once in a while. In real life though, you fucking suck. Just like Roosh and all the other “game” bloggers, ya’ll are just so fucking sad.

    Is it too late to buy a bunch of crypto and move to Mexico? Sell that piece of shit old lady Toyota, delete your blog, and lead an existence actually worth living.

    Probably way too late, judging by this 38-talk.

    • Annonnn January 19, 2022 at 12:40 pm #

      Nick is either

      1. Fucking total warpigs and meth skanks

      2. Incredibly good looking and jacked

      3. A liar

      • shillberg January 22, 2022 at 5:37 pm #

        “Nick at Gaymail” thought this was a web-site about delicious tacos recipes. When he realized he was mislead, he lashed out in Anger.

  7. Annonnn January 19, 2022 at 12:37 pm #

    “Really at 38 she needs to change her Hinge age back to 32 and date a smelly autistic nerd who has $3MM in cryptocurrency.”

    #Based

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