My new collection The Pussy is out. Pay for The Pussy, own The Pussy, put The Pussy on a pedestal, etc.
These are all ones I’ve actually used:
1) You know, I bet Jennifer Connelly’s own mother looks at her and thinks “ass to ass.”
2) You are attractive, and I want to go out with you.
Basically.
3) Let’s get coffee in a well-lit public place and then rut urgently, like jackals.
4) Haruki Murakami has no idea how much ass he’s leaving on the table not having a profile here.
5) I want to take that picture of you (doing stupid thing) and paint it on the ceiling of a church.
6) I want that picture of you (doing stupid thing) tattooed on the back of my eyelids.
7) I want to take that picture of you (doing stupid thing) and engrave it on a plate of purest gold; launch it into deep space so it’s the first evidence aliens find of our civilization.
8) When you (did that stupid thing in your picture), that was your Ulysses. You were put on Earth for that moment.
9) You and me are gonna have houses, cars, servants (username). We’re gonna have so many yachts we’ll begin calling them merely “boats” to differentiate ourselves from the nouveaux riches who gauchely call them “yachts.” How about it.
10) Just saying I would honor and respect the living fuck out of you.
11) One day I’m gonna lasso a bull Tyrannosaur and ride him into the heart of the sun to the strains of some motherfucking Motorhead, and if you want to hold me back, I fucking dare you to try. Also, you look good in that sweater.
12) You seem like the type of girl whose last words are gonna be “hold my beer, watch this.”
13) No pressure but if you don’t message me back a nest of cute baby birds will be stomped beneath Hitler’s boot. Continue reading
delicioustacos 