OKCupid: Girls with no pictures

You got two options: she’s either never going to give you the picture, or she’s going to be ugly.  That’s it.  And yet I bite, every single fucking time.  I get a message from a girl who is pixellated out or black bar over the face or simply, you know, an Ansel Adams photograph or some shit and I bite every time.  Because I have to know.

And no matter how many times—it’s either nothing, or ugly, every single fucking time—I still can’t just trust myself and internalize the fucking rule.  I can’t take a second and reason with myself.  Like, anyone who doesn’t list their body type– do you think they have a spectacular fit body?  A guy who doesn’t list his height- do you think he’s dunking on (I cannot name a single defensive NBA player)?  Do you think a dude who doesn’t list his income is hiding Mitt Romney levels of untaxed capital gains in the Caymans and that’s why it’s gotta be a secret?  No.  No.  If someone is not explicit about a piece of information on OKC it is because whatever quality they’re hiding is a liability to the point of freakishness.

But I message back, every time. And I engage in the fucking cat and mouse game of teasing out their facebook or giving them my personal email with my full real name every fucking time, and it either just goes away because the girl chickens out, or despite her promise that “I am attractive I swear” it’s a sad ugly picture and you have to—I mean, you can’t go out with her, obviously, so, you either have to not message her back despite having clearly been  intrigued by her personality, which is basically just cruelly screaming “YOU ARE FUCKING UGLY AND DIE” at a sensitive shy human being. Or you have to fake still being interested and let it slowly dwindle to nothing over an elaborately staged blowoff of “oh shit I just realized I have a work thing that night” and etc.  You have to become a chick.

I message them back because of the perversity of hope.  The ridiculous idea that it might be someone cute and maybe they are just so hot that they got tired of 15,000 unsolicited messages, or maybe they really are afraid of being recognized, or—whatever.  The same reason people pick up used scratch tickets in the parking lot of 7-11. The same reason I still go to a bar because there might be girls there even though I’ve been to bars ten thousand times and have met girls there about twice.  Your sad desperate mind will not let hope die.

So listen, even if I won’t listen to myself: someone without a picture messaging you is NEVER going to work out, it is ALWAYS going to be a waste of time and an embarrassment.

Frankly, it’s the same shit with girls that won’t give you their phone number and want to set dates over OKC message, girls who are at all hesitant to give up shit that might lead you to google them, etc.  It never works out.  And it’s because the type of person who is afraid to reveal themselves is the type of person who is too chickenshit to date on the internet to begin with.  They are going into it with too many fears and doubts and too much post-traumatic and/or self-flattering paranoid chick shit and are just never going to let loose and have a good time.  And nothing against them, maybe they were raped or something.  Maybe they have a perfectly good reason. But still.  Fuck ‘em.