Older Women Part 2

8 May

Don’t read this if it’s about you.

Older women: for the love of fuck, gather ye rosebuds while ye may.  I get that you were originally the rosebuds in the metaphor but let’s flip it around.  Because women, when you hit 35, it’s over.  When you hit 30, it’s over.  When you hit 22, it’s over.

When you hit 18, it’s all downhill from there.

At least in terms of your sexual attractiveness. Which, let’s admit—there are very few of us as human beings of either gender who do not use this as the central measure of our worth.  In a visceral sense.  The reason I am able to continue living without wrapping my toe around the trigger of a goose gun is because despite the fact that my dreams are shattered, I have failed by every metric society uses to judge a person, and the vast majority of my time is spent in pleasureless soul-crushing labor—the reason I am able to get out of bed in the morning and not walk in front of a truck is I occasionally get laid.

And if it were the reverse—if my career were something that I loved and if I had been a success at it, or if I hadn’t pursued it at all and had instead stuck with my actual dream and that had come to fruition; if I were rich, if I were handsome, if I didn’t retire every night to a pint of hobo-level booze and sad masturbation over jittery slow-connection internet porn—if all that were true, and I weren’t getting laid, that big toe would be curling around the goose gun trigger and my poor landlady would have a hell of a time bleaching my brains out of the popcorn ceiling.  What matters in this life is whether you consider yourself sexually attractive.

And women, you know this, you are told this, you despair of this and know it’s unfair and muse about how “we’re socialized to” blah blah blah and men want younger women because of their naivete and weakness and these sad infantile slacker guys these days are just intimidated by a woman who has her shit together and knows what she wants and is interesting and — no.  Can we stop this now?  Come on man. The saddest part of this is the false self-aggrandizement.  A woman who has her shit together and is interesting.  As though this were you. Being successful in relationships is pretty much the sine qua non of having your shit together and if you have to complain about it vis a vis your lack of relationships you are fucked by definition.  Trust me, as someone who does not and never will have his shit together, I know.

There is an oblique hint at the truth in this idea though which is: if you are getting older, you better get your shit together and become interesting.  And this is where there really is heavier rock for you to push up a bigger hill, because you are the white farmer getting kicked off the land in Zimbabwe.  Someone who’s been so accustomed to inheriting rich fertile acres and big strong docile workers who toil for pennies a day that when the torch mob comes and now you’re lucky to be left with a 20 foot strip of dirt and a hut–  now that you better pick up a hoe yourself, your soft hands blister and your weak back gets thrown out when you actually have to do the work.

You are a Bichon Frise getting thrown out in the cold to fend for yourself in the wilderness.  A creature bred and spoiled to expect a certain routine and to be taken care of.  Whereas a dude is a mongrel cur born battling over trash cans.  From day one, he knows in his bones how to survive in the sex war.  You’re gonna have to be taught.

So: know this.  There are two kinds of people who have success in this dating thunderdome we now live in.  Those who are physically attractive, and those who have “that thing.”  The “I don’t know what it is, there is just something about him/her.” You are gonna have to get “that thing.” It always comes down to an intangible inexpressible abstraction; anyone who says it’s because he’s smart and funny and has a good career and is blah blah blah isn’t describing romance; they’re putting together a spreadsheet. There’s just something about you. And “that thing” has a lot to do with not giving a fuck.

But when you get old, and the definition of “old” for a woman is so young that it’s like a god damn horror movie—when you get old, your sexuality is as disgusting to us as ours has always been to you.  So you are going to have to have that apathetically confident “thing” in the face of ever diminishing returns, lest you become even more unattractive because you are desperate. A dickshrinking snake eating its own tail.

So what do you do?  I don’t fucking know.  I’ve considered myself to be an unfuckable sewer mutant for most of my life, so I should be able to tell you how to lead a satisfying and productive existence in spite of this.  But… no, it just sucks.  It sucks constantly, every fucking day, like having an iron cage filled with wasps permanently welded to your nut sack.  Or in your case, vagina.

All the sad, whiny guys constantly bemoaning how they can’t get laid… now you’re gonna be just like them.  Like us.  Like The Last Emperor going from threeways with impossibly hot concubines to trimming the hedge for the communists.  And a lot of men, vengefully, delight in this.  Not me.  I just want to wrap you in a warm flannel blanket and give you a hug.  Take you out for a drink.

But you’re paying.

14 Responses to “Older Women Part 2”

  1. Anonymous May 8, 2012 at 7:49 pm #

    I guess… I mean I have to accept this as true I guess. We wanted equality. It really sounds sad to be a man.

  2. Anonymous May 8, 2012 at 10:20 pm #

    Why take this as true? It’s just a brilliant perspective, a point of view. Everyone should develop their je ne sais quoi if they want to get laid… but what do you have to do, what do you have to have to be loved?

  3. Anonymous May 8, 2012 at 11:03 pm #

    Is it about love or about sex? I mean, I just accept as truth the loss of sexual desirability. But when I think about it, if men go through that their whole lives I honestly feel really bad. I’m just running on the assumption that love is to women what sex is to men and if they have as difficult a time dealing with lack of sex as I do with lack of love, that sucks. I wonder if it would be worse because I only have hormonal issues a week out of the month. Is it like that for guys every time they have a build up of ejaculate? That’s like, what every couple of days? Would that be like PMSing every few days?

    Anyway, it seems like it would make sense biologically. Like, men can produce children through the rest of their lives, two-headed as they might be, but women can only have kids for a certain amount of time. In men there is a lifelong urge to have sex and women’s labido drops after “the change” so, I mean, it would make sense that men wouldn’t find older women desirable because the most obvious fertile would be younger females but then there are laws against statutory rape which would make 18 the perfect age, and anyway, older women wouldn’t want sex, or want it often if they did.

    The thing is, maybe the guys who think like this are mostly driven by an urge to procreate. I would think DT is because he frequently expresses his desire to ejaculate in chicks and get them pregnant. That seems natural enough.

    As for getting loved, if DT is an example, being unwilling to trust that the other person could have valid feelings for you will not get you any closer to maintaining love. Maybe we just have to be willing to be loved by someone we have deemed worthy enough of our own love. It just wouldn’t work if you are too afraid of rejection, which is a valid fear since people don’t always get along, and the name of the game is “Stick together for life.” Not everyone is going to want you for life just like you’re not going to want just anyone for the rest of your life.

    Sorry for taking so much space…

  4. Anonymous May 8, 2012 at 11:22 pm #

    Oh, and just saying, right now, because I’m still in my 20s, the idea of not being cute is sad, but when I’m in my late 40s I probably won’t care as much so I’m gonna go ahead and not be upset by this whole thing. If anything this makes me want to abuse what I have while I have it. I wouldn’t do that, but I will appreciate it more.

  5. Megan Jenkins May 9, 2012 at 12:00 am #

    Poor DeliciousTacos.

    You wrote in an earlier post that most vitriol spewed toward women is the result of a man being frustrated that he can’t get the attention, love, or sex that he wants from a woman/women. While this isn’t exactly anger, it falls in the category of saying things designed to be hurtful. Clearly, after years of being a single man who doesn’t like being a single man, you’re seeing your cohort of women suffer in the ways you did (as you point out) and your response is to laugh and say “haha, you harpies! Now it’s your turn to feel gross! Who’s weeping alone tonight now?”
    While your thesis isn’t off-base, it’s bitter. It’s a sneery, self-satisfied missive congratulating women for (in YOUR view) falling down to your level.
    What I think you know, though, is that even the haggiest of the haggy women (which, by your definition means single and over 21) has a far easier time than you getting the attention of the opposite gender. A 45 year old woman will still fare better than you will if setting out on the hunt for carnal advances. By the time the scales tip THAT far to our disadvantage, we’re too dried up to give a crap anymore.
    So make no mistake that there is a time in which the advantage in the world of reproductive urges slips too far from our grasp. Because for every miserable, self-loathing, self-identified loser like you who’s in his early thirties, there is a corresponding male in his forties who’s the same way, but even more desperate. You are well on your way to being exactly the man you don’t think exists: a guy willing to sleep with an old bag.
    How tragic that you’re probably not nearly as terrible as you think you are, and this is made sadder by the fact that you drive women away when maybe a good relationship would help you develop the self-worth you sorely need. I won’t tell you to “stop bitching in your posts” because writing about having a good day, or seeing a gorgeous butterfly or whatever insipid drivel your detractors seem to want you to write about– is boring. The internet loves anger, it loves rants and it loves people who can craft angry rants with humor. So keep at it DT, just remember that your lot in life is unchanged by your age and the age of the women you’ve been courting.

    • Anonymous May 9, 2012 at 6:13 am #

      This is pretty brilliant. But I, for one, enjoy reading about termites.

  6. Susan May 9, 2012 at 3:04 pm #

    SSDD

  7. Anonymous May 9, 2012 at 3:07 pm #

    Good stuff… nice to see a man giving voice to what most men experience, go through and feel without worrying about the feminist bullshit and PC crap that dismisses men’s suffering and their perspective.

    Women have always had sexual power.. and far more reproductive success than males. That’s biology and the logic of evolution, and no amount of feminist wishful thinking or claims about gender and sex being a social construct is going to change that. This is why males have sought to constrain the power of women.. to balance things out, so as to speak. When you give women more power on top of the sexual power they already enjoy simply for being female, you get the situation you have in the West today, which is a completely unbalanced situation where most men are looked down upon by women, most of whom are interested in only a small percentage of socially dominant alpha males. Even if you’re a feminist and don’t particularly care about these men, and jeer at them for not being good enough or whatever, you should recognize this isn’t a healthy or stable situation. Male resentment is not to be trifled with.. men would rather fucking bring down a civilization and watch it burn than have to suffer the pain and rage of sexual rejection and emasculation at the hands of women. You’re dealing with very primal forces here. I don’t think women really understand what sex means to a man and what it does to a man to be forced to be celibate and sexless during his prime sexual years. These posts by DT manage to get across this point about how important sex is to a man, and just what an uphill battle it is for a man given the lopsided sexual marketplace and the power women enjoy now.. but predictably, the women posting here just don’t care to understand the male perspective, and instead sneer at DT for his honest male perspective and experience.

    I’m not so sure it’s necessarily true though that sexy, desirable women coast through life based on their sexual attractiveness alone. There is a certain percentage of women who fit in that category of course.. but many women have a lot more going for them than simply their looks. And in some perverse way, the more attractive one is, the more avenues are opened up in life.. bigger social circle, happier, more engaged and alive, more driven, better opportunities, lots of friends and experiences, etc. Again, I would like to believe these women will get their comeuppance and get at a taste of what they’ve been dishing out to men for most of their lives but I’m afraid reality and the world isn’t fair. You have to go to religion for that rosy worldview. In the real world, there is no redemption for those long-suffering males, and no punishment for the arrogant cunts who have lived the high-life in their sexually prime years.

    • Megan Jenkins May 9, 2012 at 9:02 pm #

      You’re right that women have all the power now. I mean, look at who owns the most property here in the US, who sits in most seats of government, who heads most companies, and who has the bulk of the money under their control. Look at how many more female millionaires there are than men. Look at which gender is living in poverty more than the other–MEN! These scales have just ABSOLUTELY tipped over in our favor and men are just begging for our scraps.

      The fantasy world described above is what whiny, privileged men say when women talk about the problems that face us in this society. There is no rational woman denying that women in the US have made INCREDIBLE progress in the past 90 years (I’ll use us getting the vote as a good metric). That said, we are not in some position of power over you in society. Men make the rules in this nation and if you don’t think that’s the case, pay attention to the controversies that ALWAYS swarm around our medical issues like contraception and the like. Your medical issues are medical; ours are political.
      And quite frankly, the card you ALWAYS have in the deck is the fact that if you want to have a family, you don’t have to sacrifice a portion of your career to do it. Women, even those working full time after they give birth, do the lion’s share of the child-rearing. I’m not saying this doesn’t involve a choice made–it definitely does. But the basic urges to reproduce (which you discuss yourself) that so drive nearly EVERYTHING we humans do, is not nearly as costly to you as it is to us. Not as costly in time, physical toll, or money. You can point out those few very rich women who can afford to have surrogates carry babies and hire nannies and you can point to celebrity models who get more than the average worker makes in a year monthly in child support alone– but for every case like that, you see a magnitude more cases where a man is able to evade his paternal responsibilities. Men and women both make choices, but the costs are different and they are undeniably higher for us. So despite women earning over 50% of the degrees now, there’s a reason we make less money overall, and that’s just a fact of biology that no one can change. It’s unfair, but so is life. Whatever threat you feel from feminism or women in general is the product of your own delusion and your desire to hold onto privilege, not reality.
      What feminism is about–and make no mistake about this so you can stop dismissing it as a man-hating movement– is ensuring that SOCIAL structures are not unfair. That is all we can control, and where inequalities exist beyond things dictated by personal choices, it is any good society’s job to address them. That is what feminism is about, and I know a good deal of men who fall into the category of feminists.

      I’m not strapping on birkenstocks and talking about how some professor at Smith College taught me to feel oppressed. But you need to snap out of this victim fantasy. Men are not disadvantaged; what you’re seeing is a gradual decline in male privilege, NOT a hostile female takeover. Power and privilege conceal themselves from those in possession of it.

      • Phoenix Ember May 11, 2012 at 5:57 am #

        You have completely missed the point, while simultaneously validating much said by the person you’re replying to.

        The powerful men you write about make up a vanishing small percentage of society. But you focus on them (“Men make the rules in this nation”), undoubtedly because it is only powerful, successful men in whom you have any interest.

        I assure you, there are hardly any men at all in this country who are in a position to make rules for others.

        The vast majority of men in the Western world are ignored and trod upon by society at large just as they are by you personally. And that is the real “male privilege,” the actual one that is experienced by the vast majority of men today: To be bullied, exploited and forgotten—and to have their experience denied at every opportunity by the women who benefit, just as you have done here.

        Here’s the good news: This widespread disenfranchisement of men will eventually prove the downfall of Western civilization. And while it’s hard to say for sure which nation will rise to take its place, none of the likely candidates have much patience at all for “women’s rights.” Enjoy your victory while it lasts!

      • Anonymous May 11, 2012 at 2:10 pm #

        You are a complete moron. You probably think that white people and Christians have it really hard in the US too. I’m not wasting any more time on you because you deny reality to style yourself a victim. Nothing anyone says, no amount of facts, no amount of explaining it from anyone else’s viewpoint will help because the only viewpoint you find valid is your own.

  8. Anonymous May 10, 2012 at 5:57 am #

    Is it not sick that this one area of life can be the single most important thing to a whole sex of men? Like, haha women, youll never be sexy again, which is just not true if you look at porn and craigslist. I guess we.ll have to get hobbies now…because I don.t already have a day planned around not having sex…

    I should like to point out that men are the ones who give this power by wanting sex so much. If men weren.t so willing to make practically everything about sex, even, let.s say getting a cool sounding job he only complains about so it.ll sound cool when he.s picking up chicks…that.s not our fault you.re adding something on your

    don.t think a woman should be bitched at because her drive isn.t as strong as a man.s. Why don.t men get hobbies now? This is some really

  9. livinginfairyland June 3, 2012 at 12:16 am #

    Ah yes, maybe – but the thing is, after a certain age, many women stop caring. We just don’t want sex any more. I’m nearly 50 and I can still pick up a 25 year old, partly cause I’m attractive and partly cause he’s desperate for sex and a man, so anything will do. But I don’t (pick him up) because I don’t want his arse in my bed any more. That gives me a certain amount of power over guys who still do want sex – being guys. Ha ha suckers.

  10. Tom Arrow October 30, 2016 at 1:33 pm #

    This was strangely satisfying. Well written. Heh.

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