STD Diary 2006: Non-what-the-fuckal What-the-fuckitis

19 Jun

Non-gonoccocal urethritis.  The parking ticket of STD’s. Or if gonorrhea is the parking ticket of STD’s , this is the jaywalking ticket of STD’s— a good metaphor because you don’t even have to get in the car. I got it from a blowjob. FROM A BLOWJOB! When I was about to bone this chick the first time I was about 75% hard and she blew me , briefly, so I could get the condom on properly. There are ironies there I don’t even want to get into. But that’s how you get “NGU,” I guess. It’s a bacterial infection– ok, wait— who gets an STD FROM A FUCKING BLOWJOB?

I can’t even call her yet, because I’m still waiting for the final word on my gonorrhea and chlamydia samples. The doctor said not to call her until I knew. But still— it is not even close to out of the question that she blew some other guy over the weekend and he, too, must now wake up from interrupted sex dreams where the girl suddenly jams a glass pipette into your urethra and breaks it off— and yes, the worst part of this disease so far has been my dream interpretations of urethra pain when I roll over onto my dick in the night…

Fuck. plus, she’s still recuperating from surgery to remove HPV-induced cancerous cervical growths.

I want to tell the story of going out to the valley and getting those tests, but every time I even think about the guy spreading open my urethra and rubbing it on a glass slide I have to cringe and clench my genitals in my hand. Eccchhh. Blecchhh. Fuck…

3 Responses to “STD Diary 2006: Non-what-the-fuckal What-the-fuckitis”

  1. Anonymous June 19, 2012 at 11:07 am #

    Uh, more on Winston Churchill’s dick and less on your grossly diseased yogurt-maker. Thanks.

    • helganoth June 19, 2012 at 7:36 pm #

      You’d rather hear about an old, liver-spotted, cirrhosis-laden Englishman’s penis than this storyline?

      • Anonymous June 20, 2012 at 11:29 am #

        yes, helga. indeed i would.

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