is at once hating something and being in mortal fucking fear of losing it. Like being married to someone who beats you up.
Like owning a subsistence farm that only grows horrible tasting fruits and stinking corpse lilies. Like living solely off mushrooms that grow in dog shit, that taste like dog shit, but it’s the only food you have. If you anger these fickle dog shit tasting mushrooms they will go away and you will starve and die. You will be like nine grand in credit card debt, your car will be broken, you will have no ability to support yourself.