Sticking It in the Shitpipe

16 Jul

I’ve only had anal sex once.  With an old girlfriend who really liked it and got off on it.  This means, it was no fun.  You expect a maddeningly tight hole that grips your dick vice-like as the girl’s body involuntarily tries to shove it out in terror.  A pinhole that draws back horrified from your encroaching meat, that when finally forced to yield is like conquering a ten year old schoolgirl’s hairless virgin cooch in the field hockey locker room.  But no, it’s just another hole.  Less than another hole– there’s about a half inch of tightness around the actual butthole, but the actual inside of the colon is like a blimp hangar; only one side of your dick is ever touching weird ridgy tissue at any given time.  The further you penetrate, the more your helmet is just gasping in open air.

Plus, it’s disgusting, obviously, to think of sticking your dick in shit.  The dick you meticulously lather thrice each morning with Lever 2000™ and delicately scrub down, so it’s as clean as a newborn baby possum when it drops into a fresh pair of boxer briefs.  Sticking your dick in a shitty ass is like stepping in dog crap in dress shoes– you may, gagging, scrub the offending waste off, but the shoes will forever have just a touch of haram about them.  If you pull your dick out of an ass and see shit, you will become Lady Macbeth.  It will be forever tainted.  If a girl sucks you off and then tries to kiss you, you will imagine her mouth as a cat’s asshole, pink and puckering and rimmed with tiny black crumbs, with perhaps a lone worm squirming out.

So I’m not into it.  But still, I enjoy beating off to porn with anal sex in it, and I beat my meat to fantasies about taking a girl in the shitpipe.  But only if she doesn’t like it.  Only if she has to be gently coaxed into it by some slimy bastard, and when his oversized cockplum finally pokes through the wall after teasing it, she cries.  And feels ashamed.  That’s what’s hot about anal sex.  The fact that girls don’t like it.  The fact that it’s a virginity you might take, in a world where every girl on the planet has had more cock inside her than Colonel Sanders’ barn– one last piece of innocence and chastity you can rob from a reluctant dewey-eyed maiden, in an act that will hurt and soil her.  Now she’s one of those girls, those whores who take it in the ass.

And also the idea of a girl surrendering every hole in her body to you.  Completely giving up everything she has as a pleasure toy and fuckslave.  As a piece of dehumanized property whose only motive in life is to please you.  That’s hot.  Her position of total vulnerability, on all fours proffering her ass up like some elderly woman’s over-friendly cat– saying take me, take whatever I have, whatever I am; take me and use me for what you want, regardless of how it hurts me.  That’s hot.  Real life when you pull your dick out and there’s a half digested piece of spinach on it, less so.

9 Responses to “Sticking It in the Shitpipe”

  1. Anonymous July 16, 2012 at 3:59 pm #

    Some of the most disgusting visuals I’ve had reading your blog so far. Good work. Keep it up.

    • eric July 17, 2012 at 9:13 am #

      I second that…”pick and puckering and rimmed with tiny black crumbs” gross, and hilarious

  2. Another Mary July 16, 2012 at 4:58 pm #

    I think I’ll skip dinner.

  3. Anonymous July 17, 2012 at 10:46 pm #


  4. miri4eva July 19, 2012 at 10:32 am #

    I’ve been no friend of anal before. Obviously, this didn’t make me change my mind

  5. Anonymous July 24, 2012 at 9:43 am #

    Mostly seconded.

  6. pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn August 2, 2012 at 5:11 pm #


  7. greatclits August 29, 2014 at 3:45 pm #

    `clean up the feces and slam it in till she busts an anal nut, i’ve seen it done many times and a big “O” can happen, you’ll never forget it so video for memories is a must!

  8. Anonymous December 6, 2015 at 9:53 pm #

    Please don’t be mad at me if I read this at my neighborhood poetry slam nex Tuesday night.
    Pease never stop writing.

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