Tag Archives: anal sex

Sticking It in the Shitpipe

16 Jul

I’ve only had anal sex once.  With an old girlfriend who really liked it and got off on it.  This means, it was no fun.  You expect a maddeningly tight hole that grips your dick vice-like as the girl’s body involuntarily tries to shove it out in terror.  A pinhole that draws back horrified from your encroaching meat, that when finally forced to yield is like conquering a ten year old schoolgirl’s hairless virgin cooch in the field hockey locker room.  But no, it’s just another hole.  Less than another hole– there’s about a half inch of tightness around the actual butthole, but the actual inside of the colon is like a blimp hangar; only one side of your dick is ever touching weird ridgy tissue at any given time.  The further you penetrate, the more your helmet is just gasping in open air.

Plus, it’s disgusting, obviously, to think of sticking your dick in shit.  The dick you meticulously lather thrice each morning with Lever 2000™ and delicately scrub down, so it’s as clean as a newborn baby possum when it drops into a fresh pair of boxer briefs.  Sticking your dick in a shitty ass is like stepping in dog crap in dress shoes– you may, gagging, scrub the offending waste off, but the shoes will forever have just a touch of haram about them.  If you pull your dick out of an ass and see shit, you will become Lady Macbeth.  It will be forever tainted.  If a girl sucks you off and then tries to kiss you, you will imagine her mouth as a cat’s asshole, pink and puckering and rimmed with tiny black crumbs, with perhaps a lone worm squirming out.

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