I Woke Up Not Horny

14 Dec

moon 2

I woke up and wasn’t horny anymore. Lily texted me. We had plans. She comes over and we fuck. I’m sorry she says. I forgot it’s the Sephora Winter Warmup. Staff from all district stores must congregate socially. I say OK. She video calls me. Wants to apologize. I say no problem. I mean it. I don’t want to look at her.

Angela texts me. I met the love of my life, she says again. Every other time this makes me despair. She was crazy. But she was perfect. Always in back of my head: get her back. Move across the ocean. Have a kid. I met the love of my life, she says. Maybe to torture me. Which I deserve. I say that’s great. I promised a ghost in an old temple I’d be good to her.

No other girls text me. I don’t text other girls. Walk to AA. So cold and black out. Specific city in winter darkness. Distant yellow street lights make it darker. Dirty river rushing under the bridge. Like a bad dream I’d have as a kid after an 80’s dystopian movie. Terminator coming for me. Walk past churches. Dirty river. Maybe I’ll convert now. But what’s the fucking point. Feeling that I jumped off that fire escape 15 years ago and none of this is real.

Church rec room where the AA meeting is. Pull out cafe au lait color folding chairs stored under the stage where an old man who’ll never have sex plays guitar at church socials. One hot girl. I can only admire her bone structure. Like looking at a nice old car when you can’t drive stick. Her black yoga pants mean nothing. A given she’d never speak to me. Or maybe if I made the effort. But I don’t care. My balls hurt. Maybe cancer. I don’t care.

I get up to jack off. Think about the one girl in the Philippines. Taking so long I’ll hurt my dick. What happens when it’s gone. I’ll be nothing. I’ll just die. Join a church. Go to church socials. Aging church women talk to me about boring horseshit. I won’t hang myself. Would I write about this feeling. Houellebecq got there first. I’ll get less horny and therefore only horny for hotter girls who want me less and less. Anyway I don’t miss it. What now. Is this some mercy nature gave me. Wait here’s a fat girl bending over in a dress.

12 Responses to “I Woke Up Not Horny”

  1. dickycone December 15, 2019 at 6:45 am #

    There’s always having kids and spending all your time worrying about them and trying to afford them. That’s the only other real option, as far as I know.

  2. plum samples December 16, 2019 at 1:12 am #

    I go to a foreign strip club / whorehouse two Saturdays a month, have a great time with fun young girls I know. My non-judgmental alter ego is real and much cooler than me. The only time I feel sexual angst is the two Saturdays I don’t go. American women are scenery to me. Pretty ones are a passing glimpse of an evening sky or a fast car. It doesn’t enter my mind to have any kind of relationship with them. I can’t imagine or remember it. Furthermore, “age appropriate” prospects within 12 years are laughable–the human race can end if it came to that.

    The professional whores I meet are friendly down to earth people who need money or are lazy. They are of equal purity to American women, but they are honest about it. Being regularly fucked by gross men denies them the normal avenues of self deception. In other words they tend to have character. The thing with American women is I can’t seek respect from people I can’t respect–people with no character. They don’t have character until they’re old, at which point it’s moot.

    If I had money before middle age I would have had a family. It’s what I wanted theoretically. A lot of girls liked me. If I try there’s a vague recollection of yearning for girls, self-loathing over not making a move, and related emotional investment. Now my basic drives are satisfied. I don’t recommend it but it’s a fairly comfortable death. A poverty Epstein, in the best light. I’ve always been a hermit though. It’s funny how I look down on porn.

    • Ezinho December 17, 2019 at 10:55 am #

      Hong Kong Bar in TJ?

    • gideon December 20, 2019 at 10:54 am #

      good comment. made me laugh. made me think. made me feel.

      • sipping christian bros brandy whilst reading delicioustacos dot com December 25, 2019 at 1:21 am #

        plum samples, i’m in/on the same boat. the emotional and financial investment required to “be in a relationship” with a woman is too high now. i’ve been priced out of commitment-pussy. and you know what, i’ve made peace with that. i can’t afford to be in a relationship. i can’t afford to be on the gf-to-marriage track. wedding, mortgage for house in suburb near good schools, 2 cars. i’m too poor. what i can afford though, oddly enough, is an endless string of hot 16-18 yr old hookers any where in the world. poland, ukraine, mexico, canada, anywhere. endless variety until the day my heart stops beating. it’s weird. by being poor/mediocre/middle-class, you end up living like the rich, except without the baggage like how prince andrew gets shamed for banging sluts.

        a friend of mine used to love quoting some darkie rapper who said: fuck the fame, just give me the money. in the end, that makes sense. only thing is, you don’t even need a ton of money.

    • ghostmole December 28, 2019 at 4:57 am #

      You (people) are not too poor to be in a relationship, you are just huge faggots with retarded ideas about wealth and women. Do you think the earth has always been covered in suburbs? Poor people (poor whites too) have been raising families for a long time. Pick some other excuse for withdrawing into a bubble of masturbation, like being a weak-kneed nerd. The funny thing I noticed after peeling my eyeballs off the computer screen is that in real life, plenty of normal men (not wealthy, not handsome, not famous, not especially talented, not dangerous/edgy) have girlfriends and wives. I wonder how they pulled that off? It seems mysterious at first, but I suspect it has something to do with not being a self-pitying reprobate.

      The fucking nerve of a man who says he could have been Ward Cleaver if only he had a bigger bank account, but since that did not happen, oh well, guess there is no alternative to fucking foreign hookers, accusing other people of self-delusion. I can hardly think of self-delusion more thickly painted on than an aging, listless whoremonger scheduling his trips to the brothel because American women lack character. I think you may be aware that this is sad, but can you sense that it is pathetic?

      • jack de coomer December 29, 2019 at 1:00 am #

        I get your point. Yes, when I go to the grocery store, to the mall, to the fucking coffee shop, there are indeed men and women who appear to be in a relationship. Either they’re boyfriend-girlfriend, or married. Yes, these are normal men who are not wealthy or famous. You are right. There are people out there, having sex, either on a one-night basis or in relationships. Mediocre people. Normal people. People with jobs.

        Problem is, you don’t get our point. You don’t see relationships in terms of odds, stress, hidden costs. You don’t see the probabilities. You’re like some newbie retard who goes to the blackjack table, sees a few people win, and think that you too can win. Yes, people do win at the casino. But many of them also leave without keeping a clean profit. Those who win end up losing it back. Most lose. The issue here is profit, odds, probability. So yes, even though many of us can get a gf, or even a wife, the problem is that it won’t last. The odds are stacked against us. Women are too cunty these days. Initially they are cute and coy and just want to cuddle. Once comfort and security is reached, then comes other demands. More entertainment. Consistent dates. Travel. Let’s do something fun over the weekend. Sure I’m all for fun, but when it becomes a second job, something expected of you, then it starts to get annoying. Honey we need a bigger house, a newer car, more vacations. Honey can you just ask for that promotion at work. The list goes on and on.

        So you’re right. Congratulations. You don’t need to be wealthy or famous to get a gf, to get married. But you’ll end up bored living in mediocrity, and eventually either you’ll get tired of her, or she’ll get tired of you. Keep in mind, woman are constantly told that they are equal to men *and* must behave like men in their search for novelty and sexual freedom. There are plenty of cases where married female teachers cheat on their husbands for some athlete student. And remember, men aren’t biologically programmed to be with one woman for the rest of our lives. We’re biologically programmed to impregnate as many fertile young girls as we can, and we do that through either conquest during wartime or through showing our strengths (physical, mental) during peacetime.

        You sound new here, so maybe stick around and read more posts that reveal how hard it is for delicious tacos to find and *keep* a high-quality woman (who doesn’t bore him and who doesn’t get bored by him). As I understand, there is a $5000 reward if you can find DT a gf that lasts more than 1 year.

        P.S. having a bigger bank account certainly helps, since most people (women included) prefer to live in safe, comfortable “nice” areas as opposed to living next to skidrow. having a bigger bank account won’t guarantee you a gf or wife, but it certainly doesn’t hurt.

      • plum samples December 29, 2019 at 4:44 pm #

        Feminist boilerplate? If you wanted to hear more, just ask bro, I enjoy writing.

        Sometimes in college, laying next to a sweaty cum-drenched nubile, I’d imagine the poor bastard who’d eventually marry her. She would be sacred to him–his wife. If he could teleport back to see me abuse her three ruined holes, what would it do to him? Does the passage of time nullify my desecration of his wife? Or the hundreds of other times her minerals have been mined by various recreational moonfarmers? If the multiple assholes before me didn’t deplete her essence, I certainly consumed the last of it, frivolously and unceremoniously. And that was just me — out there it’s a grand circus of negligence.

        I recognized that modern women are unmarriageable twenty years ago, when I was an “alpha” by PUA standards. Roosh has noted that any man in a relationship today is pre-cucked. Whoremongering is pathetic, but no more than any relationship with a modern woman. A man today has no honorable options, aside from total MGTOW which is torture. It’s pick your poison.

      • plum samples December 29, 2019 at 5:13 pm #

        To have children, I may have taken the generational grenade and wifed a modern roastie. But there’s another catch: attractive females — those with coherent genetics, of natural reproductive age 16-26 — want a comfortable nest. So yes it does take resources to do more than playact at gf/bf. Like many people today, I was broke until middle age, so family was not an option. If you do try it poor, the children school in open air zoos, with real live monkeys, which is child abuse.

        Just 60 years ago 80% of men had a virgin wife and a living wage. That’s been the case across thousands of years of traditional societies. We’re in late stage civilization collapse. Collective morals define collective order which defines civilization. Pussy and manufacturing have been globalized. Moral decay is a recurring pattern in wealthy societies, but it’s been catalyzed by the media, owned by The Children Of Satan. They intentionally ended our civilization because they felt threatened by it. We’re third world until the next big cull. So yes I would have been Ward Cleaver, an average man with a decent wife, if there was America anymore.

        That’s basics, for those who missed the last ten years of internet freedom (now ended). Archives of Chateau Heartiste and Return of Kings and other gateway truths are out there.

      • plum samples December 29, 2019 at 5:15 pm #

        …the next big cull, as in “Finally Some Good News”. Sound familiar?

  3. ghostmole December 29, 2019 at 6:13 pm #

    The point is not simply that there are normal people in relationships, anyone can do it, it’s that thinking of relationships in economic terms is indicative of larger psychological problems that make it difficult or impossible for you to relate correctly to other people.

    I’m not sure if your analogy of an idiot at a casino who hopes to get lucky but doesn’t understand how the game is played was just literary flailing, or if it was an example of how you typically think. Either way, it’s inapt. You act like it’s some kind of naïve blunder that I don’t see bonding with another person as roughly equivalent to soullessly cranking the lever of a slot machine. Yes, I have neglected to consider the issue in a way that guarantees failure and further whining.

    Hey, just between two men, women sure can be cunty. It does irritate me. But that’s just a fact of life. Women are going to be cunts, you’ll never stop them. I don’t care what time you take me back to, I’m sure a woman was being a cunt somewhere. Men will have to put up with it, to some degree, for all-time, or resign themselves to beating off in the wind.

    You’re going to get bored with people, and they’ll get bored with you. One of the things that adds richness and meaning to life is basing your relationships on more than infantile whims. Who gives a shit if you’re bored? It’s the criterion of a child. Most of your life is going to be boring and there isn’t a thing you can do about it except carry it like everyone else.

    And yeah, mass media and popular culture are bad influences, but even so, I think the effect on women has been exaggerated by men trying to justify their own flaky and weak behavior. Despite what they might say through a megaphone at some vagina march, most women still want relationships with men, they still hope for them and even seek them out, though they tend to be passive about it. But in general, they seem pretty angry about a lack of male love and leadership in their lives.

    The outlandish anger, the aggressive and bizarre posturing, and the reckless sexual indulgence you see in women today is a pale degraded copy of stereotypical male excess, but it has come about through a collapse of social structures which leaves women emotionally, financially and physically vulnerable, and not because Oprah told them all it was okay to be sluts.

    I’ve been reading this blog for as long as it’s been around, so I’m not just stumbling in wide eyed with canned lines about true love that I picked up from a hallmark movie. If you want to talk of what gets tiring, I’m tired of dull sophistry and mannered, clipped prose masquerading as unflinching honesty.

    • jack de coomer January 3, 2020 at 11:31 pm #

      That’s a really long comment that could have been summed up in one sentence: “just man up, women have always been difficult cunts, you just have to be strong, be her leading man, and be willing to believe in true love!”

      Hey man, look, if you’re in a healthy loving relationship right now, or if you believe you are capable of getting into one one later, then good for you. Go do that. Enjoy. You have no reason to waste your time with us seething incels, us “weak faggots”. You refuse to acknowledge some very serious problems and facts. Your beliefs and views are disconnected from reality.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: