True Love Is Real

8 Jan

sunset december

True love is real. I know you felt it too.

Real but not tenable. Talking to Angela on the phone. Hearing her laugh. First time in four years. This is not literally what it felt like but the only metaphor that contains it: clusters of trillions of galaxies suddenly uncurling in my heart across infinite black space. Like the sun. Like a fern fiddlehead spiraling out in Golden Ratio all at once, perfect fractal leaves each a picture of the language expressed in every atom and every being, some message, some whisper from God. Angels with a thousand wings a thousand eyes blowing trumpets like Tibetan bells, just hearing her voice. And she’s in Portugal and suddenly I’ll have to care about her fucking some waiter.

She feels it too. She’s mad at me for not coming now. I have to work. Don’t you understand, my boss needs more money. Bills to be fed, FICO score needs new debts so I can one day pay “them” for a 500,000 dollar shack plus 450,000 in interest until I’m 70.

I love her and she’s mad at me. Could I take this every day for say the next 40 years. Her being hurt. My fucking it up. If she didn’t love me back it’d be OK. That would be normal but having a chance and then having to do something. Don’t you understand. I have to get gas go to the dermatologist follow up on my car loan fix my book cover… how could I leave this all behind. What if she came here. What if I could no longer jerk off alone at night then sift through piles of old mail.

My one chance. No question. Her laugh erased every red pill I ever choked down. I’d give her the divorce money. My kidneys to eat. Keep this feeling. I need to stay crazy. Real enough that other women are fake, nothing, her voice makes them repulsive like putrid meat, like fresh piss in an elevator. They make me sick. This is love and she’s in fucking Portugal and that thought intrudes. You love her because you can’t have her. Don’t you understand, it’s a bad idea. It’s “your alcoholism” that makes you want this. I don’t care. I’ll drink my way through it. Who can say what God wants.

Don’t you understand I need to suffer and die alone. She’s the one. No one else will be like this. Maybe I go and she eats me alive. No being rational. It’s go or not. This is what teenage runaways feel. I’m 43. You don’t lose it. What would it be like to feel this, and to have what you want be possible.

We’ll never know.

22 Responses to “True Love Is Real”

  1. Marco de Chatham-Finney y Guillermo January 8, 2020 at 8:56 pm #

    I’ll send you $100 in Bitcoin if you do.

  2. dickycone January 8, 2020 at 9:16 pm #

    If it’s not too late, go for it. You don’t have kids to worry about, and don’t you have money saved up. All you really stand to lose is California. I hear good things about Portugal too.

  3. Ian January 9, 2020 at 12:48 am #

    Regret is cancer

  4. Putrid Shittgeinstein January 9, 2020 at 5:25 am #

    Go for it you fucking idiot. When you’re lying in the hospice staring at the waffle lights being force fed slop you’ll wish you had done. You’re a failure in every other regard (except a great writer) so at least try and go after what everyone else wants, and most fail to grasp – love.

  5. Atlanta Man January 9, 2020 at 7:15 am #

    Real talk, ghost her like you ghosted alcohol. It is the only way she will do what you want, you have to be prepared to never talk to her again to talk to her and have sex with her again. If you ghost her you will be the only one who ever did, every man she has ever dealt with did what she wanted , if you ignore her ,you will be the outlier- but she may never contact you again. Walking on eggshells trying to figure out the right thing to say is not going to work.

    For the record the right thing to say (aside from nothing) is “I drink, pop pills, do coke and heroin again and I have more than I can do , I bought you a ticket to LA let’s fucking party.” But that ain’t you anymore- and it shouldn’t be.

    • dickycone January 9, 2020 at 10:12 am #

      He’s too into her to game her properly like that. If he goes to Portugal she’ll probably give it up once or twice for oldtimes sake before she ghosts him again. Still better than staying in California.

      • Atlanta Man January 11, 2020 at 11:44 am #

        If he does go to Portugal I hope he sees all the beautiful women there and has sex with one of them and forgets about Angela. She is north of 35 by now , how long can she keep playing the field with bartenders, waiters and artists?

  6. mgreenhalgh January 9, 2020 at 7:52 am #

    Go dummy. You have no problems. Airbnb your house if you have one. Jobs for the articulate are plentiful. Women to be fascinated by are why we have awareness and love and history, art and science. It’s why we came out of the caves. Don’t stay in your cave.

  7. jacques de koomer, earl of westboro January 9, 2020 at 2:42 pm #

    allow me to be the contrarian: who cares. sounds like a roastie. a travel roastie—the worst type. did you ever even tell us what race this ‘Angela’ creature is. i bet she’s some spic goblina with a brown snatch. do whatever the fuck you feel like. this is not advice. listen to yourself, or your readers, or your twitter friends. the interesting thing about decision-making is that you eventually settle for one or two metrics, for example, cost, convenience, etc. the cost of flying to portugal is not much. let’s assume you have at least $250K saved up by now. cost isn’t a factor. what else. take a few days off, and if that’s a problem see if “they” let you work remote for like a week. so time. time and convenience. and maybe the risk of losing your job. companies say they offer “Unlimited PTO” in their job listings but we all know they are seething every single time you take even a fucking day off to nurse a cold.

    anyway. in conclusion. follow your heart, or your brain, or your balls. whatever it is, each man has to lead himself. that’s the bottom line. but the most pathetic thing is a man who is led by a woman. if i were in your situation (thankfully i’m not) i would do what Atlanta Man says and go Casper-mode.

    • dickycone January 10, 2020 at 9:02 am #

      We’ve already established that DT is pathetic (sorry DT, you know I love you, but we are men of action, lies do not become us). Of course he should adopt tight game and cut off all contact, but of course he isn’t going to do that. He should go to Portugal, have her another one to three times (likely) see what happens (most likely she ghosts him and he’s devastated) and see if he can do something else worthwhile with his life (could happen). The important thing is that he gets out of California and never goes back.

      • small January 17, 2020 at 7:45 pm #

        You didn’t ask for advice & undoubtedly don’t need any. But I will still say that I’m glad you’re still writing and you should probably get Woodrow his shots now if you want to travel with him.

  8. Anonymous January 10, 2020 at 3:48 pm #

    Hi Tacos! Im a recent fan reading you from Portugal.. Hope to read more great posts

  9. Icey January 10, 2020 at 4:28 pm #

    Youre a pussy lol. But for real this time. Just lol. Just lo fucking l.

    “Buy the ticket and take the trip”

  10. jacques de coomer January 10, 2020 at 8:40 pm #

    bluepill: fly to portugal. while you are on the flight, and she’s off the phone with you, she’s at the local bar meeting the bartender. he is spanish and has a large nose just like you. after he gets off work she meets him in the back alley and he rawdogs her, cooming inside. she gets pregnant. you arrive in portugal. she has sex with you too. she then says the baby is yours. congrats. you raise the child thinking it was your offspring.

    redpill: ghost her. fire up hinge, tinder, twitter, whatever you prefer. find someone younger, hotter, and more mentally stable than angela. thank your bros thank your readers for their continued support. be nice to the neets and incels who have spent years spreading the word about your blog and books.

    whitepill: ghost her. spend the rest of 2020 improving yourself even further. meet a pretty girl around age 18-19 and through dating process make sure her only aspiration in life is to be a wife and mother to your children. keep writing great work. maybe show your face on twitter. do another podcast. open your DMs but to single cute women only. make sure to have stated standards of their age/weight/etc.

    blackpill: ghost her. then after finishing work on friday, take a flight to vegas, get a room at the Aria, enjoy yourself (fine dining, buffet, relaxing show, etc.) get free pussy from lounge/club or pay for $250/hr prostitute of whatever race you fancy at the moment.

    greenpill: take a weekend drive out to some beautiful forest. stay in a cabin. have you been to lake tahoe. have you been to the the hanging lake park in colorado.

    silverpill: take $25K and buy physical bars of silver before it pops above $20+. continue doing this as you learn how to appreciate the look, feel and weight of real wealth. there is no tax if you buy over $1000 worth of bullion in one transaction. ignore women above age 19. remember your goal: to have at least 1 child.

    goldpill: take $50K and buy physical gold coins. american eagles or whatever you prefer. continue doing this as you learn how to appreciate the look, feel and weight of real wealth. ignore women above age 19. remember your goal: to have at least 1 child.

    • dickycone January 10, 2020 at 10:26 pm #

      Yes, hot 19 year-old virgins who are saving themselves for that perfect middle-aged guy are the obvious solution. How did we not think of that.

      By no taxes if you buy over 1k worth, do you mean no sales tax or no capital gains when you sell it?

      • jacques de coomer January 11, 2020 at 1:19 am #

        i didn’t say virgin. just age 18-19. perhaps even 16-19 depending on what state or country you live in. they’re out there. we have to accept that by age 13-16, many have already lost virginity. a pre-roastie in the 16-19 range is preferable to a confirmed roastie in the age 21-30+ range. after wasting a lot of time dealing with age 30+ women, i have learned the error of my ways and would like to “course-correct” by only going for much younger.

        by no taxes i meant sales tax. capital gains tax, i wouldn’t worry about that unless you are selling large amounts. in general selling physical metals for fiat while leaving a paper or digital trail is a really bad idea, unless you’re doing it for personal reasons. if you are in the states, go to texmetals dot com > top nav > more > sales tax requirements to learn more about sales tax.

        more options:

        coomerpill: fire up your favorite tube site and start typing in keywords based on your current degenerate mood. enjoy post-nut clarity. enjoy the silence and comfort of your own home. take solace in the fact that there isn’t some woman nagging you, or seething in the other room because you gave her slightly less attention than usual. the only downsides are…decreased energy/motivation, hair-loss. oh well. we’re all headed for the grave anyway.

        cryptopill: the bull market is back. everything is popping. even the definite shitcoins with zero potential and teams made of indians. instead of wasting money on women, buy some more digital currency. chainlink. ethereum classic. litecoin. moon missions.

        lovepill: purchase a princess-cut diamond ring at retail value for 2X your annual income. fly the next redeye non-stop to portugal and propose to Angela. bend the knee. make her feel special. make her absolutely sure that you are committed. it will be a romantic moment, except i can’t think of a romantic spot in portugal off the top of my head. i don’t even know what their capital city is. anyway, she’ll call up her girlfriends on facetime, to show off saying “oh my god look at this huge rock that he gave me”. it will be just like in the movies. true love israel.

      • Icey January 11, 2020 at 6:50 am #

        Realisticpill: stop being a pussy and fly to portugal and never ever look back

  11. CK January 13, 2020 at 1:03 am #

    DT is cursed with commenters who give him fucking advice.

    Commenters: It’s fucking Literature, fucking restrain yourselves from giving advice.

    • jacques de coomer January 15, 2020 at 1:36 pm #

      do not confuse “advice” with pills. pills are optional. presented, as the array of choices before each man.

      re: “It’s fucking Literature, fucking restrain yourselves from giving advice.”
      no. it’s a blog. with an open comments section. we are actually helping in a small way by leaving comments. a blog without comments looks dead. without comments it would be deltacos talking to himself. without HARSH comments he may never evolve into a stronger man. he might as well just put on a pink nightgown, write in a little diary, one of those with a lock on it, and keep it safely hidden from public view. if tacos hates the comments he can just moderate, ban, or turn off commenting entirely. he leaves it open because deep down he wants to be open to the truth, even if lots of garbage gets posted.

      CK, you’re clearly a newbie fagboy. deltacos can handle the bantz. he knows we are pushing him towards greater and greater….greatness.

  12. Betafux Alphabux January 19, 2020 at 1:24 am #

    Wow, she hears you make 6 figures per year plus $2K+ in monthly book sales, so now suddenly, outta nowhere, Angela is talking to you again? Not a coincidence at all. Must be True Love.


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