This Woman, Part 6

6 Sep

Going to the Giant Forest. Maybe the Kern River. It’ll be nice just to drive. Sadie Wong’s not coming with me. It’s a fake name but I like the way it sounds. Sadie Wong doesn’t like me. Doesn’t want to spend time with me. She’s gay, or weird, she needs an abusive man. Or something. In any case I didn’t play it right. I didn’t play it at all. I simply “was myself.” And she doesn’t like me. What does that tell you.

On the plus side I don’t have to sit in a car for 8 hours with this ret*rd. Instead 8 hours in the car with myself. Like I spend 16 hours with myself every fucking day. No idea what I’ll do. I didn’t plan anything. Because I knew she’d flake. If I’d planned it would have hurt more.

Should get going but first let’s write for ten minutes. Really I wanted to get one story out of her. How she came to be romantically involved at 16 with her boss from her summer IT job at her high school. What it felt like. He was 38 and Chinese. They’re still legally married. This would have been a good vignette for True Love. Now the book will suck, etc.

Also I wanted to sniff her clam and maybe give her a hot load. But she’s one of these paranoid STD people. Has a million reasons not to fuck me. And it didn’t bother me. Because I liked her. What would have been nice is if she’d texted me back. Debased myself even telling her I was leaving.

This hurts. Not going to pretend it doesn’t. I don’t like you but I want you to like me. Or I want someone to like me. Someone 6 or above. Don’t ghost me. Just fuck me so I can win and ghost you.

I wanted her to come. And I don’t get to have what I want. Not in this area of life. Plenty of money now. Books sell pretty well and I wrote some good things. My cat died, and I moved, and there was a new cat in the new yard. Didn’t have to go through effort to get a cat. Which would have felt like a betrayal. Like Bud would come back and be perplexed at the impostor in his bed. The cat was just there. A good one. Expressive face. Strong personality. Powerful haunches. The neighbors take care of him too. So I can leave town like I’m doing now. Alone.

Six dates. She doesn’t owe you anything, you can hear people tell you. No one owes you anything. Horseshit- women are legally obligated to like me. Commanded by God. They owe me this and I will motherfucking collect.

She’ll text at 2 that she just got out of bed. She had a migraine or sciatica or something. I’ll be inside a 3,000 foot hollow sequoia and still jump when the phone dings. God’s voice ringing in the trees can’t cut through the voice of Satan, which speaks through women. She can’t just say I don’t like you. I don’t want to see you. Has to string me along- and you’re trying to do the same thing, idiot. You just lost. Yes I know. Look my bad shit doesn’t count.

Better get going. 5,000 year old trees and the Kern River. Bucket list things to see. But what I look forward to most is the Burger king in Bakersfield. A year since I had a Whopper. If I die alone it’s OK. I can make it through the rest of life like this. Easily.


When you put your forehead on the trees you feel their spirits. The dead trees, too. You feel they’ve departed and are at peace. I saw a marmot. Climbed a mountain.

On the way back I stopped at a boondocks taco stand. They just took my money and forgot me. I texted Angela to complain. Racist things. The IQ destroying music they use to reduce their children’s intelligence is too loud here, I said. After I peeled out I felt bad for being mean to the fat taco woman. My rage and guilt texts to Angela looked like gibberish driving 80 on pitch black desolate roads. So I called her.

She’s in farm country in Europe. There were wild boars outside grunting, she said. Speaking in demon voices from the dark hills. We talk like normal but in the empty spaces I can feel something. I want to protect her from the boars.

She was scared but she went outside to look. So she could tell me. Because I love animals. Their little babies ran by. The most beautiful thing, she said. What does it mean.

15 Responses to “This Woman, Part 6”

  1. kvndoom September 6, 2020 at 2:47 pm #

    Somewhere between “Mononoke Hime” and a Nicholas Sparks film…

    • Anonymous September 6, 2020 at 5:18 pm #

      Simple and nice

  2. Anonymous September 6, 2020 at 5:21 pm #

    Bro so I have my gf lock and load and bro we joke about a little person but let me ask you wojld you just go and we go or would you give a thing and be careful or something ä_ä

  3. Eric Shun September 6, 2020 at 9:37 pm #

    it’s because you’re sobrietyman now. women want badboys to get them drunk and rawdog them in the backseat of your car parked in a dark alley at 2am. remember back in the day, el prado, beer with “shockingly high alc. by volume”. Nature is boring to most LA women, because they worship the artificial, the satanic and hyper-materialistic. she wants sushi at nobu. she wants you to slip a crisp $100 into the greasy hand of a bouncer you two can get the VIP treatment as he unclasps the velvet rope, smiles and welcomes you into the ultra-exclusive lounge complete with a live DJ spinning the latest EDM inside. the cosmic irony now is that you have shekels, but refuse to waste it on such things. the pussy can detect this frugality and ghost you before you get to enjoy her clam.

    • Compaq Deskpro September 8, 2020 at 11:32 am #

      So you’ve given $100 to a greasy handed man so you can sit in a dark loud flashing room with people who can’t control themselves, listening to the latest EDM, which you can easily listen to yourself at a not-painful volume without being interrupted by a live DJ who gets paid to click on mp3’s and be annoying. I don’t understand any of this.

  4. Anonymous September 6, 2020 at 10:18 pm #

    The second part of this update sucks. It’s all downhill with the sappy shit right after the picture of the boat. Anytime Angela is mentioned, the writing goes into the toilet with overly sentimental, beta cuck complaining.

    The first part of the update was ok.

  5. warcrimes666 September 7, 2020 at 6:26 am #

    They are boring as shit. Ive been around, Heartiste even did a write-up on me before the fall. Six dates is an eternity, a technique i only used when i knew the woman was completely in agape. Used well, it gives complete robotic control of the vagine for at least two years. Sorry to hear that, man. Also, sorry the only chicks that like birds look like dogmeat.

    I keep thinking lately, maybe Benjamin Franklin was right. Give the older ladies a go, at least theyre forced to be interested in what youre saying. He said not to worry, the part youre interested in is always the last to go. And i believe him but cant stomach it, yet.

    The only thing bukowski had on you was an alien media that basically guided young nubiles directly to his home. You write just as well. Id like to see some small book short fiction like Pulp. Difficult, yes, but certainly less so than listening to some dumb bitch for an eternity plus six days. Seven? years and still reading and ive read everything since Sumer. Good on you, mate.

  6. dickycone September 7, 2020 at 1:40 pm #

    ” God’s voice ringing in the trees can’t cut through the voice of Satan, which speaks through women.”
    Great quote, wouldn’t look out of place in the Book of Proverbs.

    • Anonymous September 12, 2020 at 2:17 pm #

      Something’s profoundly disturbing that one can get a cell signal in the middle of a 3,000 year old tree. Shit ain’t right.

  7. Anonymous September 7, 2020 at 10:08 pm #

    Sylvia here. Oh my, you’ve changed! Good job! Just came because the guy from Cobra Kai looks oddly similar to you. Your fuckboi fans are still waiting for senpai to notice them, but you? This is awesome.

    • a fugboi fan September 10, 2020 at 2:39 pm #

      Slyvia, would you like to come over and watch Cuties with me, I just signed up for a Netflix. Pls resbond.

  8. anon September 9, 2020 at 2:40 pm #

    I meet the 666 rule in my 20s, old money inheritance and own euro vineyards, give me her name and I’ll tie her to a breeding table in the alps and then when she’s knocked up I’ll tell her I don’t owe her anything just to avenge you brother

  9. kvndoom September 13, 2020 at 3:29 am #

    She’s fucking some condescending alpha male on the side. Probably hooking up with her ex again. If you haven’t seen any action after this many dates, you’ve been relegated to “gay shopping buddy” status.

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