Reposted from the comments section of my esteemed colleague’s post.
I was sitting in my house getting hammered last night and for some reason cued up some Ron Paul youtube videos. Or not “some reason–” I was thinking about politics, and I remembered how at Occupy LA the Ron Paul people were the only folks there with any kind of coherent idea of what the protest should be about. And they had the hottest chicks. “Who is this Ron Paul fellow,” I thought. “His acolytes acquit themselves shockingly well.”
Watching Ron Paul youtube clips felt like discovering porn clips of a crazy fetish you never knew you had. That first weird porn that gave you the fastest, hardest boner of all time, and forever rendered all the vanilla porn you had watched “meh” in retrospect. I’d watched other pols and occasionally felt like “mmm… that’s kind of true, I guess.” But every fucking thing out of Ron Paul’s mouth made me pump my fist in the air and say “fuck yeah” out loud. It was emotional. The profound joy of hearing and agreeing with truth, mixed with shock at hearing a politician in a major party debate speaking the truth. Like– “holy shit, I’m watching a politician, on the news, and he’s telling the truth about the way shit should be!” I would have been less surprised by Godzilla ripping into the building and eye-lazering Wolf Blitzer to a crisp on live TV. And I felt shame at being so surprised. That our society and politics are so fucked that this guy is considered nuts. Every fucking thing he said was obviously true and right– how is he being dismissed as a lunatic jerkoff. Not only by “the establishment” but by every person I know who basically feels the same way about politics as me. Look, I fucking hate Ayn Rand too, and believe me I thank the Lord every day for abortion, but– get fucking past it, people. The guy is eighty years old and from the kind of town where a sign says “N*gger, don’t let the sun set on you here.” You can forgive a couple rustic reactionary tics.
But it’s like fetish porn in another sense, too. Telling folks you really like Ron Paul is like telling them you’re really into watching a nineteen year old get her taint powdered down and put in a nice clean diaper by a slightly older but also hot lesbian, or watching a Japanese chick mouthswap the veiny purple cocks of multiple Boston Terriers before taking their copious dog loads about the face and nips. They’re gonna look at you funny and dismiss you as some creepy weirdo.
Well fuck that. On top of the small but vocal group of Ron Paul militants there have to be millions like me who catch a whiff of this guy and think: “Jesus, I’ve always called myself a liberal but this fringe Republican is giving me the most rigid political boner of my life.” Millions like me who should just come out and say it: I fucking agree with Ron Paul. And I love watching Japanese chicks get fucked by dogs.
(UPDATE: Watching the video sober, it’s not nearly as exciting. I will have to vote while drunk.)