Ron Paul Gives Me One of Those Rock Hard Pulsating Erections with a Dewdrop of Precum on the Tip

30 Aug

Reposted from the comments section of my esteemed colleague’s post.

I was sitting in my house getting hammered last night and for some reason cued up some Ron Paul youtube videos. Or not “some reason–” I was thinking about politics, and I remembered how at Occupy LA the Ron Paul people were the only folks there with any kind of coherent idea of what the protest should be about. And they had the hottest chicks. “Who is this Ron Paul fellow,” I thought. “His acolytes acquit themselves shockingly well.”

Watching Ron Paul youtube clips felt like discovering porn clips of a crazy fetish you never knew you had. That first weird porn that gave you the fastest, hardest boner of all time, and forever rendered all the vanilla porn you had watched “meh” in retrospect. I’d watched other pols and occasionally felt like “mmm… that’s kind of true, I guess.” But every fucking thing out of Ron Paul’s mouth made me pump my fist in the air and say “fuck yeah” out loud. It was emotional. The profound joy of hearing and agreeing with truth, mixed with shock at hearing a politician in a major party debate speaking the truth. Like– “holy shit, I’m watching a politician, on the news, and he’s telling the truth about the way shit should be!” I would have been less surprised by Godzilla ripping into the building and eye-lazering Wolf Blitzer to a crisp on live TV. And I felt shame at being so surprised. That our society and politics are so fucked that this guy is considered nuts. Every fucking thing he said was obviously true and right– how is he being dismissed as a lunatic jerkoff. Not only by “the establishment” but by every person I know who basically feels the same way about politics as me. Look, I fucking hate Ayn Rand too, and believe me I thank the Lord every day for abortion, but– get fucking past it, people. The guy is eighty years old and from the kind of town where a sign says “N*gger, don’t let the sun set on you here.” You can forgive a couple rustic reactionary tics.

But it’s like fetish porn in another sense, too. Telling folks you really like Ron Paul is like telling them you’re really into watching a nineteen year old get her taint powdered down and put in a nice clean diaper by a slightly older but also hot lesbian, or watching a Japanese chick mouthswap the veiny purple cocks of multiple Boston Terriers before taking their copious dog loads about the face and nips. They’re gonna look at you funny and dismiss you as some creepy weirdo.

Well fuck that. On top of the small but vocal group of Ron Paul militants there have to be millions like me who catch a whiff of this guy and think: “Jesus, I’ve always called myself a liberal but this fringe Republican is giving me the most rigid political boner of my life.” Millions like me who should just come out and say it: I fucking agree with Ron Paul. And I love watching Japanese chicks get fucked by dogs.

(UPDATE: Watching the video sober, it’s not nearly as exciting.  I will have to vote while drunk.)

35 Responses to “Ron Paul Gives Me One of Those Rock Hard Pulsating Erections with a Dewdrop of Precum on the Tip”

  1. Lee Weishar August 30, 2012 at 3:05 pm #

    hopefully the Ron Paul supporters will vote for what they believe in and not for the republicans just to beat Obama. If they continue to vote republican when they don’t agree with them, they have no hope of getting the party to change.

    in the end, over the past 20 years (and maybe even further back) has there been any real difference between the two parties when in office? both like big government, both like government spending, both like debt and both like war.

    • R. Lee August 30, 2012 at 7:45 pm #

      Weishar, do you always scrunch up your shoulders like that in your photos?

      • sylviasarah August 31, 2012 at 9:04 am #

        Is that a neg? Are you hitting on him?

    • pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn August 30, 2012 at 10:48 pm #

      Most people tend to believe that the government is necessary to address the inequalities of the marketplace, either by putting people to work or by providing assistance, that’s one of its functions. Not just to protect the nation, secure our security and all that shit. And not just to take care of great problems that are trans-national problems, but also to make sure that the inequalities of the marketplace are addressed by the acts of government. That’s what “big government”, which is a code word for social safety nets is about. There are people who really just don’t have the tools for whatever reason. Yes, there are lazy people. Yes, there are slackers. Yes, there’s all of that. But there are also people who can’t cut it for whatever fucking reason, whether it’s racism, or an educational opportunity, or poverty, or a fucking horrible home life, or a history of a horrible home life going back three generations, or whatever it is. They’re crippled, they’re sick, they’re tramautized veterans who can’t function in society. Whatever it is.

      • Lee Weishar August 31, 2012 at 3:43 am #

        what about the fact that it’s the government that causes those market inequities, with the way it passes laws that create monopolies, that gives one business advantage over others? people like Ron Paul don’t believe there should be NO regulations, just that regulations should limit itself to protecting people instead of hurting one group, or helping a special interest group at the expense of others. It’s the republicans in general (and democrats for that matter) that want to help their big business friends and hurt the poor. it is the parties in general that support tax laws that allow the rich and businesses to pay a lower tax rate than the poor…

        Big government is the idea that it spends way more on itself than it has too. for example, you have a federal department of education and a state department of education… its a state responsibility, but you have two different government entities doing the exact same thing

      • pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn September 1, 2012 at 3:42 pm #

        Assuming that’s true(I don’t believe it is), that monopolies only occur through business-government collusion, then why does Ron Paul support Citizens United, which will probably end our democracy in the next 50 years or so? Because, in his words “You should never restrict lobbying because the Constitution is rather clear about the people being allowed to petition Congress, and whether you’re an individual or you belong to a special interest group, you should be allowed to do that.” See, that’s the shit I’m talking about with him and the constitution. So Ron Paul doesn’t care that our country, because of Citizens United, is now electing people from both parties who are bought and paid for by the exact same puppeteers, so long as it fits his subjective interpretation of the constitution. The puppeteers buying our politicians have no allegiance to the united states whatsoever.

        Mitt romney’s #1 known campaign contributor – Goldman Sachs
        Obama’s #2 known contributor – Goldman Sachs

        I say known because now that disclosure isn’t required we have zero ability to know who is in whose pocket for sure. Do you really think Goldman execs care if they are building or destroying the US economy? They care only if they are profiting fom the rise or fall, and will ride the wave all the way up and down. But, hey, that’s just the free market at work, right? Adapt or die. There is no connection between elections and the electorate. A vote for either candidate will yield identical results on fiscal/monetary policy because the same people own both canidates. Our government is owned by people who consider themselves to be multinational corporate entities, not US companies, and Ron Paul sees no problem with this because he is blinded by his ideology. He is not a
        practical man.

        And, sorry, but I don’t believe that societal necessities like healthcare, education, energy, food, etc. function properly as for profit industries, they should all be socialized.

  2. Jake August 30, 2012 at 8:47 pm #

    Obama, heh. The sock puppet, discarded in some dusty corner after some furious masturbation. What, really, is the intelligent, rational, educated contingent in that country, to vote for a guy like Ron Paul?

    That whole ” ” ” ” “democracy process” ” ” ” ” is just like watching American wrestling.

  3. jimmyconway August 30, 2012 at 9:34 pm #

    he’s right about foreign policy, civil liberties, and the drug war. but what else do you agree with him on? i kinda think that the government should build roads and shit.

    • Anon September 3, 2012 at 1:35 am #

      In prison, dinner was always a big thing. We had a pasta course, then we had a meat or a fish. Paulie was doing a year for contempt and had a wonderful system for garlic. He used a razor and sliced it so thin it would liquefy in the pan with a little oil. It’s a very good system. Vinnie was in charge of the tomato sauce.

      • jimmyconway September 3, 2012 at 4:41 pm #

        i felt he used too many onions, but it was still a very good sauce.

      • sylviasarah September 4, 2012 at 11:07 am #

        There were only three small onions!

  4. pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn August 30, 2012 at 10:25 pm #

    He sounds good if you listen to a couple soundbites.

    I think most people, young people at least, agree with Ron Paul as far as his stances on civil liberties and foreign policy, it’s when he gets into his positions on monetary policy, deregulation and privatization and all the other “invisible hand of the free market” ivory tower libertarian fantasyland bullshit that people start to see him for the lunatic that he is. I mean, the guy doesn’t even understand how our monetary system works. How many times have you heard him compare us to Greece and Europe? “We’re gonna go bankrupt like Greece” he says. How in the fuck can we go bankrupt when we own the the printing press? Sure, we can print ourselves into hyperinflation to where you’ll have to truck an eighteen wheeler full of cash down to WaWa to buy a gallon of milk, but we cannot go bankrupt. And that’s not just semantics either, that’s a pretty important distinction to make. So either he doesn’t understand how our monetary system works, or he’s deliberaltely misleading people.

    There’s a ton of other things I don’t feel like typing out. He calls himself a constitutionalist, you always hear him with his, “well, the founding fathers” bullshit. yet he seems to think the constitution was carved out of stone and handed down by God to George Washington on Mt. Vernon. It’s a fucking living document, that’s why it’s been amended 27 times, that was their intention when writing it. Shit, Thomas Jefferson batted around the idea that each successive generation of Americans should write their own constitution, he didn’t believe that the dead should rule the living.

    He’s good for political discourse, but not much else.

    • delicioustacos August 31, 2012 at 10:18 am #

      Yeah, you’re right.

      What I kind of want is society to go whole hog either way. Either give me total freedom, no social programs, no taxes, no regulations– I can buy antibiotics at CVS over the counter and build my own ramshackle house on a vacant lot; live for nothing, do whateverthefuck I want, and expect nothing in return. OR I can get taxed out the ass but if I get fired from my job when they find this blog, I can live off the dole for six months at a time, go to the doctor for free, sit at home and throw up ten entries per day on this shit between jack sessions.

      What I want is total socialism or total libertarianism. The current chimerical system is the worst of both worlds because I pay a huge chunk of my meager income in various death-by-a-thousand-cuts taxes and get nothing in return. There is no safety net. Unemployment insurance is a massive crock of shit– necessary but in no way sufficient, and in the unlikely event you’re able to collect it will never be as much as you paid in. I would have to work illegally on the side to make it tenable.

      • Anonymous August 31, 2012 at 1:38 pm #

        You really are a pathetic drunk.
        A lonely douchebag loser .

      • delicioustacos August 31, 2012 at 1:40 pm #

        Yeah, I’ve been briefed. Thanks.

        Also, worst fortune cookie of all time.

      • sylviasarah August 31, 2012 at 4:52 pm #

        Woah…where did the lonelydbag loser thing come from? Not arguing it, just wondering…

      • Jake August 31, 2012 at 9:01 pm #

        All that exists. Just not in … L.A. Gotta get out a little.

        A whole pile of countries where you can buy whatever you want over the counter (Thailand, all sorts of crazy steroids!). Or even no counter at all, golden triangle, pure heroin for next to nothing, sir? Eastern Europe, most of Africa, large chunks of Asia, build your whatever-dwelling just about wherever you want. Oyster-world-something.

        On the flipside, move to Norway or Denmark or hell, even Germany for the most part, and you’re taken care of. Completely. In Germany ‘well fare’ means that you can afford a car even, unemployed, paid for by dear government.

        You live in that one particular country where it’s a big free-for-all on business. Exploit whoever you want, fire whoever you want, and lots and lots and lots of suckers to buy your pet rock or ed hardy shirt. Business not your thing? Pet rock shopping not your thing?

        Well then … you’re wasting your life living in the wrong place.

      • sylviasarah August 31, 2012 at 11:45 pm #

        So, there is this thing that happens when countries are going down the drain. People leave. Smart people, people who could actually contribute just feel like they shouldn’t because it’s not their job or maybe they’re afraid of getting blown up or whatever, but they leave and then the country just gets worse. I just…even though no one asked me, and I luvz me some cedonulli, I hope that’s one peice of advice no one takes, or at least, that if they do leave the country it’s in hopes of looking for something they can bring back.

      • pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn September 1, 2012 at 5:10 pm #

        Well, you’re a single male with no children, fully functioning limbs and are presumably of sound mind – the state has no sympathy for you. I’m in the same boat as you, believe me, I work in construction, I know all about the insufficiency of unemployment benefits. We have to be one step away from living in a cardboard box to get any kind of government assistance. It usually works out alright for me, though, when I get laid-off – I collect my unemployment and hang ceiling fans and do landscape lighting and other stupid shit for people on the side. Sometimes I wind up making more money when I’m laid-off than when I’m actually working.

        BUT – when I was a second year apprentice I got laid-off, I was getting around $200 a week from unemployment. $200 a week to pay for rent, gas, food, car insurance, etc. and I was spending anywhere from $200 – 500 on drugs a week, so, needless to say, I was fucking hurting. I went down to the welfare office to try to get something, ANYTHING. First of all, you gotta get there at like 5 in the morning not to wait 8 hours to see somebody. I mean, the place looked like a crackhead version of studio 54, lines wrapped around the block. I get in there and the lady tells me I make $7 too much on unemployment to be eligible for ANYTHING. No food stamps, nothing. Apparently $193 a week is a sufficient amount of money to live on. The system is fucked up for sure, but still, I don’t think that’s a reason to start slashing government programs all willy-nilly.

        Let’s take a state like Louisiana for example, under Ron Paul’s policies could you imagine what it would look like today with no federal intervention? There would have been no federal aid after Katrina for cleanup, no FEMA. Basically Louisiana residents would have been left to sink or swim, literally as well as figuratively. Then there’s the BP oil spill debacle, The only reason BP put forth such an extensive cleanup effort and reimbursed families was because the government literally FORCED them to (and it still wasn’t enough). Without federal intervention Louisiana would have been reduced to third world status by now.

        Yeah, this is all disjointed and rambling, but I think I made a point or two.

      • Anonymous September 1, 2012 at 5:21 pm #

        How the fuck did you spend 500 dollars on drugs when you only had 400?

        Fucking public schools,

      • pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn September 1, 2012 at 5:28 pm #

        @ anonymous – No clue where you got $400 from. Not once in the whole comment did I mention anything about only having $400. If you mean how did I spend 3 – $500 a week when I was only getting $200 from unemployment, well, obviously I had other ways of making money. But that’s a whole other story.

      • Anonymous September 1, 2012 at 5:40 pm #

        200 a week + 200 a week

        And then 200 to 500 on drugs.

        This is why China and Germany are kicking our ass.

      • sylviasarah September 1, 2012 at 10:45 pm #


        I kind of am in love with you. I mean, you could have made something up that would inspire sympathy. You could have just left it at, “I had $200 to spend on rent and food and blah blah…” but you went the honest route and mentioned your drug use, which because you don’t mention anything else I can only assume you mean some kind of illicit drug use.

        I applaud your honesty and would applaud your integrity but you are complaining about how the system don’t give you shit and you have to decide between drugs and food. You’re the reason, you’re a contributing factor to the failure in the system. You are the reason you don’t get enough money. Good job.

        If you needed the drugs as some kind of prescription, well…hehehe…my malo…

      • Anonymous September 2, 2012 at 12:48 pm #


      • pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn September 2, 2012 at 10:36 pm #

        @sylviasarah – The drugs are completely beside the point. Point is $200 a week is nowhere near enough money to live on. Besides, unemployment isn’t a handout, you and your employer pay into it, then the state calculates how much money you’re gonna get back based on the wages you earned. By going down to the welfare office, sure, I was trying to game the system, but that was only because I made some bad choices and I had to try to survive and the situation was exacerbated by the fact that I was out of work through no fault of my own. Anyway, the state got every penny they’ve ever given me back with interest through my addiction: thousands of dollars in court fees, fines, court ordered restitution, not to mention eight months of my fucking life that they took away from me. Do you know that it’s a crime to be white in certain neighborhoods over here on the East Coast? $500 fine for being white in the ghetto over here. Their logic is that there are certain neighborhoods where there is absolutely no reason for a white person to be other than to buy drugs, so they give you a ticket called “loitering in a drug zone” if they catch in one of these spots. Land of the free. Plus all the taxes I’ve ever paid, I’ve been working full time since I was 17. I’ve probably given the government more money in my life than Mitt Romney has. No, I’m not part of the problem, the system we have is the problem. I’m just a symptom.

        So, yeah, Ron Paul’s a hack, imo. He throws out a line like “let’s end this war on drugs” and people eat that shit up. But if you look at his budget proposal it includes a 20% cut to the department of health’s substance abuse and mental health program. So he wants to legalize drugs and then have a bunch of addicts running around with no access to treatment? The libertarian philosophy would be “well, you should take responsibility for your own actions.” Okay, fine, but when your grandmother gets pistol whipped and robbed for her church donation money by some dopesick junky, don’t wonder

      • sylviasarah September 3, 2012 at 4:31 pm #

        Obviously you didn’t use any 12 step system to get clean. Assuming you’re sober now.

        I’m not saying the government doesn’t owe anything to it’s constituency but, it is not the role of the government to ensure liberty and happiness, but only the ability to acquire it. You’re the kind of person who would never be satisfied with any kind of system because you have no sense of self or pride. You leave it up to others to do things for you and it’s never your fault. It’s women’s fault, government’s fault, minorities’ faults. It must be terrible to be a white man. You must have it so much harder than every other person in the US.

        Just so you know, that was sarcasm. Everyone has it hard. Race is a social issue, not government. People make policies, policies don’t make policies. Apply to FAFSA and see if you can get some money for a sociology class.

      • pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn September 3, 2012 at 7:14 pm #

        @sylvia sarah-

        1.) You’ve replied to comments I’ve made in the past where I specifically mention NA/AA and addiction.

        2.) Thank you for the half-assed psychoanalysis where you can diagnose all of my character defects from a 2 paragraph comment, you have amazing powers of observation. I’m not saying you’re entirely wrong, I have pretty much drifted through life and the only reason I have a well paying career is through nepotism, but I’ve worked my balls off every step of the way and I’m pretty fucking proud of what I do.

        3.) You miss my points and then you counter me with shit that is completely irrelevant to anything I wrote. Point is the war on drugs has turned America into a virtual police state with the highest incarceration rates in the world because we treat addicts as criminals. I’ve been tackled by cops and had my face smashed in the pavement, then questioned, searched, and given a fine simply for being in “the wrong part of town” in the supposedly freest country in the world. That’s insane.

        4.) I could say why would I ask the government for a handout to get a degree that won’t be worth the paper it’s printed on when a.) I already have a career, and b.) I have all the information in the world at my fingertips. Those people who get government grants to go to school and take fucking Drama classes and then wonder why they can’t get a job are the problem. They’re the reason, they’re a contributing factor to the failure in the system. See how those ham-handed assumptions work?

      • R. Lee September 3, 2012 at 7:20 pm #

        You guys should each start your own blogs where you can continue this talk about politics, taxes, and psychoanalysis. You can entitle it, “Really Boring Shit.”

      • pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn September 3, 2012 at 7:26 pm #

        *Okay, fine, but when your grandmother gets pistol whipped and robbed for her church donation money by some dopesick junky, You’re gonna kneel down on the ground like Job and yell up to the heavens, “why God? why me?” and the thundering voice of God is gonna answer, “because you’re a selfish asshole who doesn’t give a fuck about his neighbors. Goddamn, haven’t you ever read the bible? Oh, that’s right, your version is called ‘Atlas Shrugged’. Well fuck you. Your grandmother was a whore anyway, she cheated on your grandfather while he was stationed in the Pacific.”

        That’s a better ending to the last comment.

      • pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn September 3, 2012 at 7:29 pm #

        @ R. Lee – yeah, you’re right. I’ts ridiculous, but I have an uncontrolable urge to prove my pointless points.

      • sylviasarah September 4, 2012 at 11:04 am #

        @R. Lee, as if you’ve ever had anything valid to contribute anyway. You’re hands should be burning from that anti-troll spray you’re using.

        Teach a man to fish and you teach him self-sustainment. I have no problem with helping other people, it’s just the sense of entitlement I have a problem with.

  5. pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn September 1, 2012 at 7:04 pm #

    Where are you getting this 200 + 200? I don’t know why the fuck I’m explaining this to you… Let me try to make it very clear: I was getting two hundred dollars a week from unemployment to cover ALL of my expenses. That’s it. Two hundred dollars. Any and all funds beyond that to cover my expenses were procured in other ways. I never once mentioned a TOTAL budget because it varied from week to week. I don’t know where you’re getting this $400 total from.

    • sylviasarah September 1, 2012 at 10:46 pm #

      It comes from you being heated when you write and leaving things out.

    • sylviasarah September 1, 2012 at 10:47 pm #

      And the assumption that anyone taking unimployment would actually be unemployed and not making money on the side because…that’s not how it’s supposed to work…

  6. sylviasarah September 1, 2012 at 10:48 pm #

    :/ *unemployment

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