The Googleplex

1 Sep

I love the big fantasy, that people who work for Google are playing ping pong and napping in giant bean bag chairs all day at the Googleplex.  That the whole company is just a giant rumpus room in a split level ranch home from 1972.  Florence Henderson will bring pigs in blankets around and there’s plenty of Sunny D in the fridge.  In fact it has to be a giant taint smelling veal pen where unlaid nerds are just staring glassy-eyed at computers and coding for sixteen hours at a stretch.  Or managing people who are coding, figuring out how to extract the most amount of coding out of them for the least amount of money.  And there are no women,  despite, I’m sure, their efforts to bend over backwards to try to recruit as many women as possible to code out of a sense of social justice or whateverthefuck. There are no women for them to hire.  Women aren’t interested in coding.  And it’s because coding sucks.  Women are right not to be interested in coding.  In math, engineering, science, the so-called STEM fields– all those things are fucking excruciating and women are smart to stay the fuck away from them and the flabby Aspergian gnomes who populate those fields.

But if I were a recruiter, I would save a bunch of dough on the ping pong tables and face massages and just hire five decent looking chicks.  Every coder in the world would flock there.

5 Responses to “The Googleplex”

  1. eric September 2, 2012 at 8:05 am #

    Those decent looking chicks, few and far between at Google, probably are most concentrated in the HR department.

  2. Jake September 2, 2012 at 8:36 am #

    You should apply at their HR department. In lieu of a resume, just send a link to this post.

  3. Anonymous September 3, 2012 at 7:41 am #

    Those chicks would soon quit after being harassed by the unlaid nerds. Then Google would get sued for one googol dollars for hiring practices that abet sexual harassment. I don’t think your strategy would work. But I desperately wish it would.

  4. alightreading September 3, 2012 at 1:57 pm #

    Cornelius J. Tacos you are now the author of my favourite blog. You write like me, only better.

  5. Anonymous September 13, 2012 at 8:13 pm #

    The females are on Crittenden campus, in the Honeyplex. Online Sales and Operations. Mostly Asian women just out of top-tier colleges who are willing to work for pennies in exchange for their parent’s conditional love. Source(s): Used to be one of them.

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