Reader Mail Sac: I Am Insecure about My Vagina

29 Aug

“Every Girl I Know” writes, and says constantly:

“I’m afraid after I have kids it’s gonna be a hot dog down a hallway.”

“It’s for real, roast beefy. Like, the inner lips are way too big. That shit looks like it’s been chewed on. Fruit leather.”

“I’m insecure about the smell, taste, and appearance of my vagina and blah blah blah endlessly.”

I mean, look.

All other things being equal, it is preferable to have a young virgin twat than one that has been put to its intended use over and over and over and over again.

But I was stunned when I first boned Nikol, knowing that she had squeezed out a small city of beachball-headed humanoids and further had lived a lifestyle that was basically stock footage of a hot dog factory run in reverse, including many abnormally long and girthy wangs.

It looked, tasted and felt pretty much the same as other girls the same age.

I bet if I got there when she was 17, it would have been even better.  Age is a bigger factor than use.  But even age isn’t that big a deal.  The pussy is pretty much the same.

Use of birth control and time of cycle does make a difference.  Pussies on BC never hit that sweet spot of ovulating cuntmusk and perfect viscosity of lube mucous.  So, if you must do something, risk an unintended pregnancy with a drunken scumbag who won’t pull out so your pheromones will be slightly more alluring.

Almost all girls have beef drapes.  I think the contained fat pussy is like the huge perfect penis: overrepresented in porn and art because people who have it are unashamed to be photographed and painted and etc.  Running into one in the wild is like you running into Christian Grey’s mammoth veinless alabaster beef stick hanging off a bar fuck.  A pleasant surprise, but never expected.

So: stop worrying about it.

5 Responses to “Reader Mail Sac: I Am Insecure about My Vagina”

  1. eric August 29, 2012 at 12:19 pm #

    When it comes to vaginas, I rather like all the varieties, except for maybe the Arby’s sandwich variety (you know, enough beef curtain for like, three vajayays), but i do enjoy the inner labia showing. In fact, those so-called perfect vaginas, the ones with just a slit and no substance, no meat, don’t do it as much for me. Oh and those puffy ones, (like where the whole twat area is juicy), like, the ones you could just squeeze and tug and play with between your thumb and forefingers, yea those are pretty hott too.

    It’s funny you post this today too, since over at, there is a perfect example of when any, and all women, should be concerned/insecure about their vag. here’s the dreadful link. enjoy DT and company.

  2. Michelle Morgan August 29, 2012 at 4:26 pm #

    I’m so glad I read this today. I’m old and fat and everything is awesome. But unless I visit LA, you’ll never know.

  3. Anonymous August 29, 2012 at 8:09 pm #

    I’m endlessly disappointed by how many porn ladies’ muffs are no more than ballerina pink coin purses, vs real womanly vaginas which are puffy, curly, and savory. Unfortunately women are only exposed to other women’s vaginas at the Y and via RedTube so we don’t get to see the rainbow of lulu diversity.

    • eric August 30, 2012 at 7:58 am #

      “the rainbow of lulu diversity” LOL!

  4. Anonymous September 2, 2012 at 12:45 pm #

    Pussy appearance may be equal, but a woman who does kegel exercises in a consistent, disciplined manner has shapes her anatomy to a level of sexual astonishment and earns aggrandizement to a degree that cannot be otherwise attained. Women who have developed these superpowers are incarnations of every wet dream you or I have ever had. Except you are awake and powerless and astonished at the degree of your erection and amazed at how ineffectual it ultimately was to drink that bottle of wine so that you wouldn’t come for an hour and a half, amazed that you are going to come. And that awe only pushes your arousal further. And your back arches in the position stereotypical for a woman on her back in a porno. And she isn’t upset that you came in less than 15 minutes. Her smile says understanding and affirms that you are hers for as long as she’ll have you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: