Day 1: OK, I can handle this. Not so bad. I’m slightly more irritable. Snapped at my landlady when she asked where the rent was. Noticing that the girl who works afternoons at the coffee shop has puffy nipples through her sheer top. How had I not seen that before. Normally I would head home and search “puffy nipple porn” and choke the chicken, but… let’s read a good book instead.
Day 2: Woman across from me on the bus was wearing a skirt. She was sitting under the air conditioning vent, and the air kept blowing the skirt almost but not quite far up enough to see her panties. I couldn’t look away. The bus hit a bump and I saw my reflection in the window. My face looked like Private Pyle right before he blows away Gunnery Sergeant Hartman. Need to buy a pair of sunglasses.
Day 3: I bought a doughnut for breakfast. Found myself studying its shape before eating it, and realized I had an erection. A pink raspberry doughnut, flushed and swollen with rich moist frosting… fresh, still hot… so hot… her skin… SNAP OUT OF IT MAN
Day 4: Shapes on the walls… shadows… can’t sleep. The coyotes howl in the night; their voices become the cries of women. The hot wind is fingers on my neck. My erection refuses to subside; when a big truck goes by the vibrations make it resonate like a tuning fork. Last night it spoke to me. I saw a hideous purple-headed man with a face of impossible pain. “Please” he said, “please, for the love of God… kill me!” I reached out my hands to strangle him, before reason found me. My own penis is my enemy. An elderly woman dropped her hairnet on the floor of the bus; I took it home and sniffed it for hours. Only 161 more days to go.
Day 5: ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY ALL WORK AND NO JACK NO JACK NO JACK NO JACK!!!!!!
Good evening, and welcome to KTLA Eyewitness News. We begin tonight with a bizarre and disturbing story out of Echo Park, where a naked man was arrested after sexually assaulting Echo Lake’s beloved mascot, Maria the goose. If you have children watching tonight, you’ll want them to leave the room, as the footage we’re about to show you is extremely graphic…