Nofap Diary

2 Jul
image stolen from echoparknow.com

image stolen from echoparknow.com

A gentleman by the name of Lawdogger recently gave up masturbating for 165 days.  This inspired me to revisit nofapping and attempt to match his insane feat. What follows are my results:

Day 1: OK, I can handle this. Not so bad. I’m slightly more irritable. Snapped at my landlady when she asked where the rent was. Noticing that the girl who works afternoons at the coffee shop has puffy nipples through her sheer top. How had I not seen that before. Normally I would head home and search “puffy nipple porn” and choke the chicken, but… let’s read a good book instead.

Day 2: Woman across from me on the bus was wearing a skirt. She was sitting under the air conditioning vent, and the air kept blowing the skirt almost but not quite far up enough to see her panties. I couldn’t look away. The bus hit a bump and I saw my reflection in the window. My face looked like Private Pyle right before he blows away Gunnery Sergeant Hartman. Need to buy a pair of sunglasses.

Day 3: I bought a doughnut for breakfast. Found myself studying its shape before eating it, and realized I had an erection. A pink raspberry doughnut, flushed and swollen with rich moist frosting… fresh, still hot… so hot… her skin… SNAP OUT OF IT MAN

Day 4: Shapes on the walls… shadows… can’t sleep. The coyotes howl in the night; their voices become the cries of women. The hot wind is fingers on my neck. My erection refuses to subside; when a big truck goes by the vibrations make it resonate like a tuning fork. Last night it spoke to me. I saw a hideous purple-headed man with a face of impossible pain. “Please” he said, “please, for the love of God… kill me!” I reached out my hands to strangle him, before reason found me. My own penis is my enemy. An elderly woman dropped her hairnet on the floor of the bus; I took it home and sniffed it for hours. Only 161 more days to go.

Day 5: ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY ALL WORK AND NO JACK NO JACK NO JACK NO JACK!!!!!!

**********

Good evening, and welcome to KTLA Eyewitness News. We begin tonight with a bizarre and disturbing story out of Echo Park, where a naked man was arrested after sexually assaulting Echo Lake’s beloved mascot, Maria the goose. If you have children watching tonight, you’ll want them to leave the room, as the footage we’re about to show you is extremely graphic…

16 Responses to “Nofap Diary”

  1. earl July 2, 2013 at 2:19 pm #

    Cursed by his own hubris.

  2. Young Hunter July 2, 2013 at 2:56 pm #

    I thought it was going to be the old man.

  3. dannyfrom504 July 2, 2013 at 4:50 pm #

    i’ve always said, “if you can’t be with the one you love……then fuck yourself. NO ONE knows me like i do. but i’m a total dick and promise myself i’ll call the next day, and i don’t. and that makes me over eat……

    i need to stop, getting weepy.

  4. Mark Bedford July 2, 2013 at 4:54 pm #

    On the plus side… in the UK it’s totally acceptable to shag a bird.

  5. aneroidocean July 2, 2013 at 6:29 pm #

    You do realize DT that now there’s at least one person out there on the internet who went straight out to their local donut shop, bought a fresh donut, rushed home with it, and masturbated furiously to it while reading your post?

    Did you make Day 6?

  6. JC July 2, 2013 at 6:47 pm #

    Simply delightful.

  7. infowarrior1 July 2, 2013 at 11:56 pm #

    Day 14: “Splat”

    Looks like square one again for me.

    • emily July 3, 2013 at 3:25 pm #

      this is really insane. i read that article. what a reductive view of life. i’m dumbfounded. living is just a little more than this i think

      • You know what you should do, Emily. Go over to DT’s one night with a bottle of liquor under the pretext of watching a movie and having a couple drinks. Let him drink until he passes out then lock his cock in one of those metal cuckolding chastity contraptions. And then take off with the key so he has to wear it around for a couple weeks. Tell him if he wants it off he’s gonna have to go to the emergency room. That’ll cure him.

  8. Anonymous July 6, 2013 at 10:01 am #

    Christ, that lawdogger guy is so retarded.

  9. JC July 6, 2013 at 6:32 pm #

    I am def pro-fap.

  10. Ruxman July 9, 2013 at 5:24 am #

    165 days! how would you walk.

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