image stolen from sodahead.com
“Andres” writes:
: hello um im going to propose to my gf soon and am looking for any creative ideas on how to do it if you have any suggestions.
Don’t get married. Every married person I know completely hates their relationship and is miserable. Single people are miserable too but married people have this thing that focuses all their hatred. They all feel completely trapped, like their lives are over. Every single one of them cheats. Your wife will cheat on you. You will cheat on your wife, but not nearly as much, because you’ll have to work for it.
The cost of the divorce will more than make up for whatever tax break you get. You’ll be a broken person when it’s over, unsure whether you’ll ever be able to love again. And as your once-beautiful relationship slowly spirals into a cruel combative hell you’ll have to relive the pain even when you’re away from her as family and friends constantly ask you about it. Maybe you want kids. Well, blow an unprotected load then. You don’t have to be married to have kids. Most kids are born out of wedlock nowadays anyway. There’s no stigma. You will be able to love and raise your kids as a healthy, sane human being if you don’t feel chained to some retarded shrew.
Don’t bring the legal system and the church into your romantic life. You can be with someone without being bound in a hideous contract that will give you all kinds of obligations to each other even after your love is decaying in the ground, its eyes feasted upon by greedy worms. Save the money you would have spent on a wedding. Weddings are only to please her stupid fat unmarriageable friends and her godawful family. Spend it on a vacation somewhere that you will always remember, even after she leaves you. Which she will. The memory of that beautiful time may be the only thing that keeps you from putting a shotgun barrel in your mouth and reaching for the trigger with your toe, hoping your brains splatter artfully on the couples photo you’ve pinned to your chest.
Every marriage is just a setup to failure. It’s a dead institution. Save your money and your time and enjoy your love as long as you have it, then walk away and hook up with a much younger piece of pussy. If you don’t, years of your life will be spent dreaming about killing the person you love now.
OR: get a children’s choir to sing a song for her in the park! Then get down on one knee in front of them and when she says “yes” they break into her favorite song.
delicioustacos 
Great piece.
Marriage is only a good idea when you can marry your celebrity crush.
Or: you’re Homer Jack Simpson and at the same time can rely on Human, all to human to jerk off your frustrations
Your life was over when you got out of the womb…and you entered the prision called planet Earth. You might as well have a good time while you are here.
Women will only make death come much later in life.
Remember the wedding is a man’s funeral…his funeral is his wedding. If I ever get married…I doubt I’ll smile…but I hope the funeral home makes it to where I have a huge smile on my face while I’m placed in my coffin.
You should do motivational speaking, earl. So positive!
Imagine you standing up in front of a crowd of google employees all looking to help you cheer them up after a long day. You come shuffling up onto stage bedecked from head to toe in black. They applaud but only slightly. You stare at them, eyes hidden behind spectacles but glazed over with tears from an unspeakable desolation of the soul known only to philosophers. You lift a hand to quiet the crowd which they are eager to do. “Life is hell,” you begin and end. Then you reach into your jacket, pull out a chrome .45 and shoot yourself in the temple.
As you die, bleeding from the fatal gunshot wound struck in your head, and brain and blood mix into a liquid concoction which jettisons out of your brain, you realize that your speech was too long. It needed no words.
Life is short, they say, but some know better.
You need to be around less toxic people.
You sound like a still-single woman who is watching her future divorce settlement evaporate before her very eyes.
Marriage is a bad deal for men. Don´t ever marry! Unless you´re a woman: the ceremony is all about you, and it doesn´t matter if you divorce: you get the house, the kids, the money, and more lovers that you can fuck.
I wish I wasn’t conditioned from fucking birth to think of marriage. Constantly inundated with the idea that marriage meant an end, happiness, peace, and love. It’s there in the movies and on TV. And maybe once when a man was a man and a woman not a cunt there was some joy to it but it seems lost like so much of antiquity, replaced with a hollowed out facsimile of matrimony, now only useful for selling engagement rings and honeymoon trips to fiji. But don’t worry. They may have commodified marriage but they didn’t miss out on the divorce either. They profit from it all. Everything is a fucking business. Your joy. Your happiness. Your life. Your death.
All I wanted was to fall in love and get married. That’s all I ever wanted in my life. And I have no other interests. I used to like video games and movies but I don’t anymore. I love nothing but love and now that’s gone too. I realize that women are incapable of love. That man is the animal which loves and woman just an animal.
Every dating site online shows this exact thing. Plenty of fish is full of men who want to love women and women who want nothing to do with them.
There is no god. There is no love. And none of this shit matters.
Really? How did you get hung up on marriage? It’s usually something men resign themselves to.
Disney movies and loneliness. I thought it would make for a lifelong companion.
Do you still feel this way ?