Diary: Sunday in the Park

11 Aug

Out at the duck pond. Watching girls walk by. Many pretty young women with big breasts. Slutty teenage Mexican skater broads, like Hernandez brothers cartoons. Nice hot day; they strip down.

Girl kneeling in the grass, her ass sticking out. Tight olive drab shorts. A robust ass for an Asian woman. She looks like Gertrude. Maybe it’s her. She has a Skrillex haircut now, huh. I want to eat her out. Work my tongue all over her nice sweaty snatch. Now she’s leaving. She can detect my thoughts.

Sweaty thick Mexican running in a pink singlet with her ipod strapped to her arm. Her head shakes as she runs. Thick meaty ass. Weird little cone titties. I want to pin her down and rabbit fuck her like in a Japanese porno.

40 year old Thai woman walking with her toothless mother and her son. Mail order bride, was advertised as 23. Got some schlump locked in and then shipped her mother over. I want her to squat over me and clamp her pussy, use Southeast Asian hooker cunt tricks as I cuckold her pasty engineer breadwinner by blasting on her last viable egg.

A couple. Another thick Asian woman. Long braids. Black guy. Pushing a baby stroller. I want to force her head down on my cock with those braids as handlebars. Make her kiss her man with my jizz on her mouth.

Half white half Asian who looks 19, dressed like the squarest sophomore at Reed College. I have to crane my head around to look at her. She sees me. Yes, I am looking at you. I am picturing wrestling with your tight jeans. Struggling to get them around that bone in your ankles, finally getting just one leg off and holding the other foot up and climbing on top of you and pushing your panties to the side and plunging deep into your hot wet salty cunt. Thanks for smiling back. She is quite slim. Very well built. Hybrid vigor.

The small of the girl’s back in front of me. She has a face like Admiral Akbar but the small of her back has beautiful perfect dimples, visible as her tank top rides up. Try to see the good in people. Too tight daisy dukes choking just a little bit into soft back fat. Smooth legs. Long hair, that chestnut hair, I want to grab a fist full of it. Push her on her belly and open up her ass cheeks and grind on her clit upside down till she’s wet and tease into her pussy. Admiral Akbar face pushed into a convenient pillow. Her boyfriend looks like a dork. Good, I’m her type.

Punk girl, big, tall, with tree trunk legs like an R. Crumb drawing. Short black skirt, periwinkle streak in her hair. Taking a picture of the pond. She’s built funny, like a pear, but the wind teases her skirt a little; I want to lift it up and sniff around her ass crack to make sure it’s clean. She’s turning around now. Pretty young face, dark lipstick. Exposed midriff. She is studying her phone. Waiting for a text that will never arrive. Maybe if you were built better. He doesn’t appreciate you but I will. Put those huge legs right around my neck and plunge your fat ass full of babies. Smell your filthy punk pussy on my couch cushions for days. Tell daddy you’re a fat cunt, baby. How about it.

Nerdy Jim Henson looking guy with his fatassed Chinese girlfriend . They look happy together. Similar tastes in dress. I’m glad for them, that they found each other. Young love. I want to stick my face under her red dress and tongue down her musky cunt and asshole. They are walking with an ethnic Lesbian couple. I want them too. Answer their ad off craigslist for a sperm donor. The “boy” lesbian eats out the cute one for a good long time. Gets her all nice and slippery for me. Right on the edge of cumming. That way when I stick in my meatpipe and blast her full of goo she’s contracting my sperm up into her uterus. The partner supportively holds her hand. Looks in here eyes when I nut. Thank you baby for making this sacrifice. But the hot one loves it.

Some kind of school athletic club. Teenage girl in tights. They are strangling her very pronounced cameltoe. She has a skinny little cunt. Probably flappy. Great. I want to split it open Like a summer camp baloney sandwich and lick off all the mustard. Bend her over and watch her lanky ass cheeks slap together as I whack them hard with an open palm. She is probably fifteen.

Can’t arrest a man for dreaming.

19 Responses to “Diary: Sunday in the Park”

  1. James August 11, 2013 at 2:18 pm #

    Just another day in the life.


  2. Anonymous August 11, 2013 at 2:53 pm #

    This. Gold.

    • earl August 15, 2013 at 10:52 am #


  3. Mike August 11, 2013 at 2:57 pm #


  4. L. Roy Aiken August 11, 2013 at 5:11 pm #

    You mean like Los Bros. Hernandez cartoons, right? *Love and Rockets*? Jaime drew the babes but Gilbert had the better stories. Anyway, this should be nominated for a National Poetry Award or something. Beautiful and touching, in the kind of “show me on the doll where he touched you” sort of way.

    • delicioustacos August 11, 2013 at 7:22 pm #

      Yes, that is what I meant, thanks. Fixed the spelling.

  5. vsoze August 11, 2013 at 5:29 pm #

    “I want her to squat over me and clamp her pussy, use Southeast Asian hooker cunt tricks as I cuckold her pasty engineer breadwinner by blasting on her last viable egg.”

    I got one of those here, except we can switch the “SA hooker” with “middle class Brazilian”. Her husband is a literal “pasty engineer”, and, according to her, he cannot fuck her right. It’s incredible how these arranged or semi-arranged marriages/relationships become jokes and terrible mistakes from the get go.

  6. pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn August 11, 2013 at 8:23 pm #

    R. Crumb… I used to have Fritz The Cat on VHS tape back in the day, that cartoon was hilarious. Who was your favorite character? Mine was the heroin-addicted Neo-Nazi rabbit. He was a bad motherfucker.

  7. Little Miss S August 12, 2013 at 12:21 am #

    Tying in both Los Bros Hernandez and Crumb…well done, sir!

  8. Em August 12, 2013 at 7:06 am #


    • B. Ess (Ghost of Zeets) August 13, 2013 at 6:39 am #

      On what?

  9. Bob Marley August 13, 2013 at 12:38 am #

    I guess that superpower of yours doubles as a gift and a curse.

  10. I.K. Cabezas August 14, 2013 at 8:25 pm #

    Do you still do any sort of profile consultations for readers or is the OKC era of Delicious Tacos officially over?

    • delicioustacos August 14, 2013 at 8:56 pm #

      Me & Nikol always talk about doing profile consultations for people. But honestly, my heart isn’t in it. You already know what you need to do on OKC. Be as un-ugly as you can and write as well as you can. Writing as well as you can means writing as honestly as you can.

      There is really nothing beyond that. People will tell you all kinds of tricks, all kinds of ideas. They are wrong. They are women, or they are men who got laid twice off OKC and want a trophy.

      If you’re ugly, you’re fucked. If you’re short, you’re fucked. Get famous. If you’re fat, lose weight. If you’re bald, pay someone to put the back of your neck on top of your head.

      After that, read the best books you can and listen to the funniest comedians you can and then write for an hour every day. Your OKC profile will be a fucking work of art. There are very few good ones out there. Mine certainly isn’t. I need to cut a thousand words out of it. I’m too lazy.

      But even my hackish lazy shit used to work, when I gave a shit about OKC. Because the bar is so god damn low. If you’re on OKC at all, you are the guy who didn’t make the Olympics. But you are competing against guys who didn’t make the Special Olympics.

  11. earl August 15, 2013 at 10:48 am #

    I can remember intricate details of women I never met and what I would do to them.

    I also can barely remember what month this is.

  12. Anonymous September 17, 2013 at 3:48 pm #

    I consider this my birthday present.

    • Swish September 17, 2013 at 3:50 pm #

      I didn’t log in. But I would like to think you would have known anyway.

  13. pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn August 14, 2014 at 7:41 pm #

    Gordon Lightfoot’s doing a Reddit AMA, get your questions ready.

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