Diary: I Hate Women and God

16 Dec
image stolen from wikipedia

image stolen from wikipedia

I hate my first ex who broke my heart. I hate the girl I lost my virginity to, for then telling me she had a boyfriend. I hate my mother for teaching me to respect women. I hate capitalism. Every job I ever had made me so I could have money to get women. Money isn’t so I can eat, sleep in a building, etc. It’s for women. Jobs aren’t even for money. You just have to have one because women ask: what do you do.

I hate civilization itself. It all just means burning yourself alive every day because women ask: what do you do. I hate lifting weights so I look good with my shirt off. I hate writing. I hate talking. I hate guitar playing. Bathing. I hate trimming my nose hairs with the scissors of an old Swiss army knife; the blades get stuck together with crusted snot. You end up having to yank the long hooked hair out by a big white chunk of root making your already enormous bulbous nose more repugnantly red and swollen. I hate that because it looks bad to women. I hate God for making nose hairs in the first place. I understand they’re a filter for microbes– but why make them grow forever. Why make them hang out the end of one’s nostril. Why make big noses, small penises. Why make balls, if you’re just going to make them ugly and then put the bearers of these ugly aching things into a merciless sexual Thunderdome where women get to pick who they fuck. Why make baldness. Ugliness. Why make it so you have to not eat so you can have a six pack so you can look cool for two seconds when you take your shirt off. Why do I look like a hideous retarded freak in my toothpaste spattered mirror pinching painfully at my nostril hairs with the bad soft light that makes me look fat; it’s the only mirror I look at myself naked in. God made the light; why make it like that.

But then you fuck some girl and suddenly you look like Outsiders era Tom Cruise and your beak is rather manly. Why make it so only women can make you feel like that. Why make it so women don’t want you when you don’t feel like that. Why make it that to get women you need women. It’s either a spiral up into a mountain of neverending pussy until it becomes worthless and exhausting, or, more commonly, a spiral down into no pussy now and forever. Why.

If we all exist because women selected our attractive male ancestors, why are most of us too ugly to fuck. Why not make all of life a huge happy raw fuckfest of fresh faced teens, is what I’m saying, instead of drudgery upon drudgery. Amen.

21 Responses to “Diary: I Hate Women and God”

  1. Matty Groves December 16, 2014 at 10:06 am #

    You bring up some good points here. Have you thought about writing a blog? Chicks dig bloggers.

  2. Atlanta Man December 16, 2014 at 10:39 am #

    Why? Why not.

  3. theghostlighter December 16, 2014 at 12:20 pm #

    Welcome to the secret society of the seventh chamber of the 4th seal of the secret knowledge of the hidden truth in the mystery of the meaning of life. You just figured it all out. Only 000.000000.01 percent of the worlds population share this knowledge.

    • theghostlighter December 16, 2014 at 12:28 pm #

      p.s. That’s why G-d made Craigslist, so ugly people can get laid too.

      • Guard December 16, 2014 at 12:45 pm #

        Uh, forgive me if I sound foolish, but — it this satire/a joke?
        If it isn’t –do something thoughtful and helpful for someone in a worse spot than you. They exist, trust me. And you will be a better person for it. Even if you aren’t religious. One philosopher said that even if God does not exist we should do the best we can, even it it seems absurd in the face of an uncaring universe. Because we are men, and although life may be without ultimate meaning we can still assert our humanity.

      • Sylvia December 16, 2014 at 2:27 pm #

        *Swoon*

  4. Aaron December 16, 2014 at 6:44 pm #

    “If we all exist because women selected our attractive male ancestors, why are most of us too ugly to fuck.”

    WRONG, DUDE. Ugly people exist because men fuck ugly women.

    CASE STUDY: The “Pig woman” POF/Tinder experiment. Thirsty men have no standards:

    http://sluthate.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=41769&sid=1d057825f599b9d43821c6b41abdde65

    • Anonymous December 17, 2014 at 8:25 pm #

      A website called sluthate. Probably a very reliable and unbiased source of information. I get my news from newsfromwhitemenwhomakeover2.5millionayear.org. It’s a .org so it’s legit.

      • Anony-fucking-mous December 18, 2014 at 2:47 pm #

        The source is irrelevant because the evidence is on the link.

  5. shiva3epiphany December 16, 2014 at 9:41 pm #

    OMG> I’m glad I still have some bladder control left . Funny shit.

  6. drunk whore December 17, 2014 at 10:02 pm #

    You’re hot. Relax.

  7. Sylvia December 18, 2014 at 2:36 am #

    If you get bored…http://www.ted.com/talks/yann_dall_aglio_love_you_re_doing_it_wrong?language=en but don’t trust him. The French know nothing about love and he’s married so, you know, he’s not going to tell you to get a motorcycle or move to Asia.

  8. Jeff December 18, 2014 at 1:46 pm #

    You are such a loser.

  9. John Goodman's sweaty taint after a trip to Walgreen's December 18, 2014 at 3:57 pm #

    I hate that nature made women attractive for only a decade tops (15-25). Add maybe 5 years for South East Asians and mulattos.

    • Anonymous December 21, 2014 at 7:22 pm #

      You’re an idiot

  10. Hipster December 19, 2014 at 7:59 pm #

    This blog more than any other may have the best “You are a genius”/”You are a pathetic sack of shit” contrast out there. Good job

  11. shiva3epiphany December 21, 2014 at 2:51 am #

    God is a woman

  12. shiva3epiphany December 21, 2014 at 2:52 am #

    thats why your crazy masterbating prayers don’t work.

  13. Anonymous December 21, 2014 at 7:38 pm #

    Sexual Thunderdome! That’s a great analogy.

  14. LerroyJankins March 4, 2015 at 9:59 pm #

    Because we’re all experiments of nature.

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