4 Feb


I went to Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. Because I was gonna have a mentally ill woman fly over the Pacific to move into my apartment. I’ve never met her. Our interactions are emails and skypes. I want you to fill my hot holes with your cum, she says. I want you to get me pregnant and call me daddy’s little cum slut. I think I’m going to take pills and kill myself. But she is 22 and Chinese and pretty. All that matters.

Also because I fucked that girl Sunday. OKCupid. It was the morning after my AA fifth step. You take your diary of the evils you’ve done out of hatred and lust and fear and read it to someone. I was with my sponsor inside a 3,000 year old hollowed out sequoia tree. The next day I woke up and meditated for an hour, per Bill W. in the Big Book. Crows cawed behind me and I understood their language. Creatures putting their song into the world. I thought on all my evils. What I’ve done and could still do. I understood that God was real and I was forgiven. I understood that I’d forget this truth but it would still be real. I was laughing and crying. I felt like I’d taken 12 hits of acid. One of the most significant experiences of my life.

Because of my spiritual awakening I moved the date from drinks to daytime. It is bad to use other human beings as fleshlights. We’d feed ducks at the pond. I’d go in with an open heart and get to know her.

The ducks got boring so we ate chicken tenders at Brite Spot and then I took her home and fucked her. I hit it raw and came in her in 3 pumps. Decent sized tits but they were spongey and her taint and inner thighs were woolly like an Armenian. She liked me. We will never speak again.

I am a machine and I can’t stop fucking people. On dates I feel like I’m watching a movie of myself. The whole thing is on rails and if I try to break free I can’t. The duck pond was supposed to be a pleasant G rated affair but now that it happened once, the duck pond is a fuck spot. It doesn’t matter. It could be a church. If I’m with you we are going to fuck. If you fuck enough women women can’t not fuck you. They’re just animals. If you smell like pussy they have to give you more pussy, the way banks give rich people money. As a man, you have no mechanism for not fucking. Not fucking is a woman’s job. The day after, I’m back to hideous thirst and the hole that will never be filled.

I was early for the meeting. Just me and one other guy and he kept eyefucking me. Gays. This is a valuable lesson, I told myself. This is how AA girls feel when I drill my laser eyes into them every meeting. Every woman I see anywhere I leer into her pupils and imagine that I’m pushing down on her collarbones and squirting a crawly unprotected load into her. Making that stupid hot sauce shit face I make when I cum. Hold the stare until she looks away. Colleagues, junior high school girls, the girl selling me cigarettes at the 7-11. The girl on the bus that I’m riding right now, who held my eyes for a heartbeat then scampered to the back like she was in sniper alley.

The meeting started. People talked. They bored the shit out of me and I left to go pull girls off Tinder.

10 Responses to “Slayer”

  1. Yolatengo Yohimbine February 4, 2015 at 4:40 pm #

    That’s great, I’m glad to see you’re settling happily into your new life.

  2. Atlanta Man February 4, 2015 at 4:49 pm #

    Dude this reads like your old stuff back when you were getting drunk all the time, in other words, it’s great! You are right, using people as flashlights is bad, but it feels so good. An unlike fleshlights people are warm and come with built in lubricant.

    • Bango Tango February 4, 2015 at 9:06 pm #

      Using flashlights is a bad idea.

  3. Claude Martel February 4, 2015 at 8:27 pm #

    “…but now that it happened once, the duck pond is a fuck spot.”

    You’re in rare form, DT. Good to hear you’re doing well.

  4. Wolf February 7, 2015 at 5:08 pm #

    Reblogged this on Practically Alpha and commented:
    Delicious Tacos boils down the essence of manhood into 300 words of pure, hysterical wisdom.

  5. Wolf February 7, 2015 at 5:11 pm #

    This is so fucking brilliant. One day I hope to be able to condense such beautiful idealistic wisdom into such poignant humorist verbiage.

  6. Atlanta Man February 8, 2015 at 3:34 am #

    The paraphrase the legendary urban hip hop poet MC Eiht ( Google there is no G in Eiht due to gang issue with the letter G) this post was like ” syeaaahhh”….good shit.

  7. ROYCE DOLE September 8, 2016 at 8:14 pm #

    Nice story! 🙂 Bythe way, My colleagues needed UK Form DT last month and saw a website with 6 million forms . If people require UK Form DT too , here’s ““.


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