No Exit

14 Feb


Every morning he thought: I can’t do this one more day. Often by the 5 offramp where a line of buses switching freeways made a bottleneck behind a blind curve. He’d be going fast around the bend and suddenly slow buses like a herd of elephant. Behind them an 80’s Jap pickup with six extra feet of steel pipe hanging out the back. Sometimes with a red rag tied on it. Sometimes not. Drivers from lawless places.

Pipe right at eye level and once a week he almost got lanced in the face like a jousting accident. He’d read about a woman killed by a flying manhole cover. She was driving and an oil truck bumping over it set it spinning like a giant Chinese star. Through the windshield into her eyes like the Simpsons’ dog with the frisbee. My luck it’d just make me uglier, he thought. Ugly blind and retarded. Then I’d step in the manhole.

It was Valentine’s day. He’d dated a hooker once. Her busiest day of the year. The johns all wanted to talk. How do you have so many lonely men and 9/11 only happened once. So many lonely men yet science spent billions finding zero calorie sweeteners. Nothing on growing teenage girls in axolotl tanks. Billions spent to make a robot kick a soccer ball when who the fuck asked for one more soccer player. Drones controlled from a storage unit outside Vegas precisely target tables at Yemeni weddings but the killer at the joystick can’t get a second date. They made a movie about Joaquin Phoenix falling in love with Siri. Hey Siri, he said. Do you want to talk to me. I’m sorry– I don’t understand that.

The way she said “that.” He could sense contempt. He thought about ramming today’s Mexican truck pipe. Maybe gripping it two handed like something out of 300, forcing it all the way through his brain. Instead he went to work. Around one he realized he forgot his lunch at home.

25 Responses to “No Exit”

  1. hb (@hblsc) February 14, 2017 at 2:30 pm #

    Want more 9/11. Gotta convince them that the virgins are on the other side of this life

  2. Isaac February 14, 2017 at 2:58 pm #


  3. Bucky February 14, 2017 at 4:33 pm #

    Save a bit, go to Ukraine. It’s awesome. I think it’s back to like it was 15 years ago when I was getting by comfortably onot $300 a month. Easy to find intellectually stimulating conversation and relationships aren’t superficial like in the US.

  4. Anonymous February 14, 2017 at 7:04 pm #


  5. Atlanta Man February 14, 2017 at 7:27 pm #

    The banality of life.

    • Anonymous February 15, 2017 at 6:51 am #

      Always found the word banality funny. Can never take something that sounds so close to bananas seriously.

      • IMGrody February 15, 2017 at 8:12 am #

        I always think of toilets… cause it sounds like toilet in spanish…

      • Anonymous February 16, 2017 at 9:49 am #

        Huh, learn something new everyday.

  6. Your Unofficial Editor February 15, 2017 at 3:54 pm #

    this poast was great except the last sentence sounds awkward because you spelled out “one”: Around one he realized he forgot his lunch at home.

    Would be slightly funnier if you just typed out 12pm or 1pm. Perhaps make it sound more pathetic by writing “sack lunch” instead of just lunch. Helps the reader envision some wrinkled brown paper bag with a soggy sandwich inside. A juice box next to it. Some shitty napkins.

    Go ahead, tell me to shove it up my ass. At the end of the day, your toughest critics aren’t “haters” they are also your loyal fans, some who are also struggling writers and alcoholics.

    I will continue to read your work, but here’s another unsolicited suggestion: share your writing less often. Your “ingrate bum” faggot readers/haters will become ever more thirsty, then starve, for your content. And then when you finally release your book, or a haiku, a year or 2 later we’ll collectively cum so hard it’ll make Old Faithful look like a sprinkler.

    • Anonymous February 16, 2017 at 12:08 am #

      Shut the fuck up.

      • Your Unofficial Editor February 16, 2017 at 1:27 am #

        Fuck you, Nigger.

    • Eduardo the Magnificent February 16, 2017 at 8:13 pm #

      Fuck you, fuckball.

    • Blinking neon rhombus February 17, 2017 at 12:18 am #

      This comment was a time thief, especially the last sentence. Would be better if you just typed:

      And a year or two later when you finally release your book or a post or a haiku, we’ll [anything other than what you wrote there].

      The piece wasn’t half as inspired as last week’s, but that’s not an invitation to punch above your weight, scout. You’ve got ta move those refrigerators, you’ve got ta move those color teevees.

  7. Anonymous February 16, 2017 at 1:14 pm #

    Boring. Your writing sucks now.

    • Anonymous February 17, 2017 at 1:32 pm #

      i liked it. i thought it was oddly poignant.

      • Not a faggot like you February 18, 2017 at 3:55 am #

        That’s because you’re a faggot.

      • Bonnes Tacos February 19, 2017 at 1:07 pm #

        [Donkey enters from LEFT. Scene unfolds]

      • Anonymous February 20, 2017 at 5:32 am #

        What the fuck. Who uses the word poignant.

        I want to make an apoignant to kick your ass tomorrow at 3PM, you Milquetoast-ass beeitch.


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