Corona Diaries: Is Kevin Dead

21 Apr

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Posting to promote my new book Savage Spear of the Unicorn

Coughing this morning. Ech-emming phlegm out of my chest, it’s corona, dead testicles, brain damage, no taste no smell no dick, Chinese AIDS giving me squinty eyes and two paper bag color inches fully hard. It’s a wet cough so– not corona. It’s from fucking running. Which I hate. Jocko Willink military discipline in this god damn quarantine. Pull ups off the beams, hyperextensions off the Ottoman. Running up the fucking mountain till my ass and thighs stop listening to my commands to move. Hard to half-sprint as a middle age smoker with no cardio in ten years. Cut yourself a break. Practice instinctual archery. Bare bow recurve. When I adjust my anchor one millimeter I forget what I learned from a thousand arrows. When I slightly tweak any element of my technique it’s square one, completely retarded, firing into concrete.

Trying Kevin’s compound bow, that he bought like me to kill corona looters, it hits dead center instantly. Don’t have to grossly overcompensate pointing three feet below the bullseye, etc. But if you’re gonna have this complicated thing with ovoid cams and multiple pulleys etc. that gets whacked out of calibration and useless by a stiff breeze– it’s not exactly “Lindy” is it. The thing’s like a concert harp, something falling off a shelf in the next room smacks it out of tune. Meanwhile with my barebow recurve skills I’ll take a stick and paracord in the postapocalyptic world and be piercing deer eyeballs at 100 yards.

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Speaking of Kevin: is he dead. He was screaming and cranking like Heart for ten days. The last two pure silence. Sleeping off his meth. When he wakes up will he thump and scream again. Cautionary example. Yelling at his computer, smashing things like I once did. What if he’s dead. He’s crazy but I’m telling you he’s a good guy. Maybe he beats his girlfriend but look at her, you would too.

7 Responses to “Corona Diaries: Is Kevin Dead”

  1. K-Hole in the Coof Zone April 24, 2020 at 7:18 pm #

    All Kevins are a little scummy. Some of them bang teenage boys.

    I like my compound but your posts are making me want a recurved bow. They seem more fun, more honest.

  2. not-a-girl April 28, 2020 at 7:01 pm #

    You seem to be in good spirits.

  3. Anonymous May 4, 2020 at 8:20 pm #

    New book won’t ship to canada. Is there a flick you can switch? I bought the other two without a problem.

  4. Idris Elba Island May 11, 2020 at 9:15 pm #

    shalom, delicioustacos. question to you, are there any good stawks or shitcoins you’ve heard about on the grapevine? i’ve recently gotten back into trading and need some wins in time for the lockdown to end…and for my cooming to begin.

    • Idris Elba Island May 12, 2020 at 6:57 pm #

      pls resbond i bought ur books and fallow you on instergram :^(

  5. delicioustacos (male) orbiter May 18, 2020 at 8:53 pm #

    i bought all your books at FULL PRICE, and you can’t even respond to my comments. i’m despondent. i’m suicidal. i’m “hodling” too many chainlinks and surviving only instant ramen.

    • calm and collected individual who respects this blog May 18, 2020 at 9:28 pm #

      SHUT UP NIKKÆR THIS WEBSITE EXISTS SOLELY FOR DT TO EXPRESS HIS FEELINGS AND SHILL HIS BOOKS!!!!1!!!! IF YOU WANT A BLOG YOU CAN START ONE EASILY FOR FREE.

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