That Pussy Will Cost You

16 Jan

bighorn sheep

The last thing I haven’t given over to God. Women. I’ve surrendered work money emotions friends family… everything. Go out in the park in the morning, hear the wind hiss in the leaves. Know that I’m a puny mote in the universe. All will be taken care of. Or it won’t. And I’ll die. And it won’t matter.

But women– there’s no let it happen. I’ve been waiting 40 years for fucking reverse Cinderella to come knocking. And– well shit, it happened once but, a) because of my web site and b) she fucking took off.

Women. If you don’t do absolutely all the work, if you don’t make yourself absolutely exceptional, if you’re not handsome, not tall, not rich– if you don’t have absolutely everything, work for decades to get it, grind yourself down to nothing every instant of every day to maintain it, and (in spite of all this) if you don’t appear to just have it effortlessly– you’ll have no women. Once I’d have said “no woman” but I know better now. “Women,” a substance.

No women would be fine. The dream now is Ted Kaczynski. Shack in Montana; bighorn sheep regard me impassively from the hillside. Blue-white mountains. Tall creaking pines. Except you need to be touched. You need people like you need air, or at least it’s a difference of degree not type. So you have this need that squalls 24 hours a fucking day, never gets sated. And if you don’t work– it will never just happen. There’s no good luck with women. Only the luck you make. If I have to do the work I’ll chase what I want. Rawdog moronic teen poets.

The fucking argument I have to have with my sponsor over Angela coming. He’ll be right; it’s indefensible. Stupid on its face to have this insane thirty four years old and therefore not the mother of my children whore come and stay with me. Except: a) it’s cheap and b) my other option is more Tinder dates. Every woman on Tinder is an idiot who will make you sick. There are no exceptions.*

Or have a leathery old Chinese woman gently hoist my balls skyward as she mechanically chokes my raging purple member. If they cleaned you off with a hot towel it’d be OK. But she takes a wad of toilet paper and smears the fat thick fishy smelling drops off your belly and then sprints to discard it in the bathroom wastebasket. That jizz is my DNA. It is me— treat it like it’s something better than dogshit.

He’s concerned that she’s a coke sniffing drunk. Which is true. That she’s insane. Which is true. And last time she went to fuck a god damn bartender named Chase who rides a motorcycle and auditions for CW shows and works at (REDACTED local restaurant). That was the killer. She’ll fuck another man and can I take it. I think yes. If I can keep my abusive stranglehold on her mind.

She’ll give you STDs, he tells me. Normally I’d say impossible, buts she fucks black guys and black people are where STDs come from. They pick them up in prison, spread them to hood skanks who spread them to that one gateway guy who can’t rap so he does slam poetry to white girls in coffee shops. Or no, I’m being racist. Some STDs you catch from being in a band. Syphilis comes from black people. Herpes from wiry punk singers. I’m sure she fucks them too.

*Except you, honey.

14 Responses to “That Pussy Will Cost You”

  1. Atlanta Man January 16, 2016 at 11:53 am #

    Mexican Ass Girl is thirty four? I assumed she was like 21-25. She is 34 and she still parties with coke and liquor? That chick is going to crash hard as fuck in the coming years. Plus she is handing out pussy like candy to black guys with nose candy?Slide that bitch my number I know a guy.

    Seriously though, fuck that bullshit your sponsor is talking about. You go out there and fuck as much as you want. Especially teen poets, with their teen angst, and young tight teen pussy. Also tight teen anus, especially tight teen anus.

    Tell Angela I said give you the anal, Lord knows you deserve it for putting up with her bullshit when she is too old to fucking act like this. Fuck her in the ass do it for the children, do it for the Troops, do it for America. Remeber if you don’t fuck her in the ass the terrorists win.

    • Lee Holloway January 16, 2016 at 12:17 pm #

      Say “tight teen anus” ten times. Not easy.

      Also Atlanta Man’s comment will easily be the best one on this post. As usual.

      • Nikolai Vladivostok January 17, 2016 at 2:45 am #

        I can say it ten times fast, no worries. I’ve had a lot more practice than most people.

    • K-hole January 16, 2016 at 3:44 pm #

      You’ve gotta slay that teen poet pussy. What would David Bowie do?

      Maybe get some Promescent.

    • Father O'Hara aka Adolf Hitler's Skid Marks On His Underpants January 19, 2016 at 5:54 pm #

      Had the same thought.34??? Mexies dont age that good. Specially dick login coke hoes

  2. Ellen DeGenerate January 16, 2016 at 12:22 pm #

    Glad to see you’re getting back into a writing pattern.

    P.S. stop being such a fag.

  3. Ellen DeGenerate January 16, 2016 at 12:36 pm #

    You’re going to die anyway so what’s all this pussy talk about STDs.

    You slayed teen ass in the jungle.

    34 year old Mexican coke whores are a cakewalk.

    You will die. Do you want to live with regrets.

    Of course she’ll cheat on you. Who cares. You should have 5 other girls in your rotation and not give a shit about any single 1 of them.

    I stand by my first comment — stop being such a fag all the time. You’re losing readers (as evidenced by declining comment activity).

    With your pink little gay site.

  4. Ben Bien January 16, 2016 at 3:19 pm #

    You are a funny writer who is very talented.

    Keep going, hang in there! You can do it!

    (Dropping a link for #SEO purposes.)

  5. Trust the Chorus January 16, 2016 at 7:32 pm #

    She’s a Relapse in a box. Don’t fuck up.

  6. Graybusch January 17, 2016 at 6:28 pm #

    There is always a cost for pussy. Even a pump and dump will cost. If they don’t suck your money away (luckily I have none) they will suck your time with their inane thoughts of what a conversation is, they’ll suck your precious hours to sleep cause they wanna keep you up, suck and suck and suck when they should be sucking that dick….
    what can I say I love pussy and it will keep costing me till there is nothing left. And I don’t think you’re any different
    PS Atlanta Man is right fuck her in da ass

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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