I’m rereading Houellebecq and can’t relate to it. Because I’m loved. There are the loved and the unloved. The living and the dead.
Romantic love is the source of all happiness. God won’t do it. Not to demean Him, I just mean He won’t make you happy. He’ll guide you to serve others He’ll give you purpose. Make you OK with not being happy.
But the source of happiness is romantic love.
She was mad at me, or felt weird about something- she was upset that I looked at myself too long in the gym mirror. She thinks I’m getting vain, she compares me to her ex boyfriend Kevin, whose mistakes are my fault. And it makes her think I’m in danger of getting back in the sleazy world I lived in for 30 years. She says do you understand what I’m saying and I say yes absolutely. I have no idea. I just want her to stop being mad. I have two paths. One is yes dear, the other is attack. I couldn’t be mean to her but I do think bitch what more can I do.
When we fight I have to contemplate going back to the unloved. Not because I want it but to find a way to live with it. Because if I can’t the relationship won’t hold. Anything you need that bad you lose. Continue reading
