Tag Archives: anne

Diary New Year’s Day 2011: I Am a Massive Fucking Chickenshit

26 Apr

I should have kissed Anne at midnight.  What threw me was her talking about needing to find a guy to make out with.  This means: not you.  But still. I could have done it.  I ended up sleeping at her place.  I don’t remember going to bed, but I woke up next to her, surprised.  And I thought she might think I was her ex-boyfriend, and wake up and realize it was me, and be shocked and appalled.  But no.

She was an excellent sleeping partner.  She was wearing tights and would like, wrap her top leg around mine as we were spooning.  And put my hand in a comfortable place near her boobs.  I keep thinking- maybe I should have fucked her, but how?  I would have been too drunk to get a boner at night and in the morning my mouth tasted like rotten tequila.  Cut yourself some slack, dude.  You don’t have to fuck everybody.

Diary: New Year’s Eve 2010– Never Tell Me the Odds

26 Apr

Fuck- anyway.  Going to Anne’s. I will not be fucking Anne. Right?  Or I mean, what if I will be fucking Anne? That would be awesome.  But I will not be fucking Anne.

I mean, she just broke up with a dude—what does this mean?  Why do I care? She is not going to be my girlfriend.  I don’t want her to be my girlfriend. But I would like to see her naked.

I’m excited just to spend time around other human beings.  Especially chicks, who—like, a lot of my friends are hot chicks.  But there is literally no chance of me fucking them.  An earthquake could happen, and they could be splayed out naked, and I could also be naked with a boner and a beam from some building could fall on top of us at a serendipitous angle and force my dick into them, but still somehow I would not be fucking them. Whereas, Anne, and that friend of hers, there is merely a 99.99999 % chance that I will not be fucking them.  Somehow this is exciting to me.  Like, if pussy were money, I would be the guy who spends the last dollar from his welfare check on scratch tickets. Continue reading