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Protected: Television Review: Girls

18 Feb

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Weekend Journal 7-29-12

29 Jul

Yeah, Astrid boned a dude on the porch at a party.  Then I went in the can with her while she was taking a piss and she stuck her finger in her pussy and pulled out a fingerful of jizz and tried to smear it on me.

We were watching an episode of MAMA’S FAMILY where the Harper household receives a series of obscene phone calls, which Thelma “Mama” Harper pronounces “OHB-seen.”  I wanted to add voice over of the call saying stuff like “I’m gonna cut your pussy open with a box cutter and then shit in it and give you a shit baby” but MAMA’S FAMILY is shot with a stagey acting style that does not allow for realistic length pauses in phone scenes.  In other words, Ken Berry or Vicki Lawrence or whoever will pick up the phone and say “hello,” then almost instantaneously begin reacting with revulsion to the imaginary voice on line, e.g. “you want to WHAT? With ICE CUBES?”

We were at a party, a going away party for my 22 year old friends; a small place but there are always 22 year old girls there.  Astrid, I want you to know that I have had sex with the blonde girl who was into reading Tarot cards.  I am disappointed that I was not able to discreetly convey that to you in situ.  Usually when we are together near an attractive woman I have fucked I’m able to work it into conversation the way someone who went to Harvard works that into conversation.  And you are appropriately impressed.  She insists that I have a large penis; the sex was in fact painful for her and caused vaginal bleeding.  I do not have a large penis.  Her concept of penis size is completely out of left field. Continue reading