Tag Archives: death

When I Die

24 Mar

For God’s sake, don’t mourn.

Use my death to get laid. Go to a party, talk to a girl, kind of be brooding a little bit, and when she asks you what’s wrong, say “my friend died today.”  Open up to her about your feelings; tell a couple anecdotes about how close we were, things you will remember about me that will change the way you live the rest of your life.  Like I tell women that I wear mismatching socks because my friend who died always wore mismatching socks and my group of boarding school friends all decided upon his death we would never wear matching socks for the rest of our lives.  Girls love this. In reality, my friend who wore mismatching socks is still alive and I just stole his idea, but still.  If I die, you have this for real.  Start never wearing matching socks. Chicks eat this shit up. Continue reading