Tag Archives: household cleaning products

Detergent Diary

15 Dec


I’m posting old unpublished material to draw page views for my new book Finally, Some Good News.


Well what the fuck. Have to go into work today. That’s bad. The good news is I don’t have a punctured tire. PSI is about 27-28 on all 4 of them. So my tire pressure light only came on as all four tires had experienced natural leakage. Probably having to do with the rain. Perhaps the cold. So: just put 3 more PSI in each tire. Which I’ll do but fuck doing it now. Also repair the fish tank so I can fill it past the point where the water sounds like a full gamelon orchestra performing a concert on the back of my neck. Also rewash the dishes that I paid 61 dollars to have a maid wash. Which naturally whatshertits left about a gallon of detergent on each one. Despite my rinsing the coffee cup three times and letting it stand full of hot water for several seconds– in spite of this I got a nice throatful of caustic cancer causing detergent that will make my penis fall off. Continue reading

Any Fun Plans for the Weekend?

7 Sep

I’m gonna fuck a goat and set a school on fire.  I’m gonna inject my wang with saline so it’s nine inches long and four inches wide and then run naked through a church service. I’m gonna eat a Volvo 240 station wagon and shit out a perfectly sculpted steel statue of Minnie Pearl fully nude delivering an infant Kenny Rogers while forest creatures look on in awe. I’m gonna grow six extra tits and suckle a pack of needy orphans.  I’m gonna huff household cleaning products ’till my eyes look like an albino rabbit and take a journey that is at once within myself and also to the outermost reaches of the cosmos.  It will last a lifetime but when I look at my watch only seconds will have passed.