Tag Archives: marion cotillard savaging my meatpipe like a raccoon battling a moray eel

I Live Alone

7 Jun

I live alone.  It’s great if you like shitting with the door open, which I do.  It’s great if you like jerking off.  I can jerk off anywhere, any time, for any reason.  It’s great if you like making food with strong-smelling sauces that you then fail to refrigerate because you’re drunk and instead let sit on top of the stove at room temperature for several days. It’s great if you like leaving your brightly colored American Apparel® “mantie” underwear scattered in various corners instead of the readily available laundry basket, and the clean laundry is also in an unsorted pile next to this laundry basket, and you forget which brightly colored American Apparel® “mantie” underwear you have worn and which you have not, and you can’t tell by smelling them, even the clean ones still smell slightly like taint, the way your mouth still tastes a little bit like puke even after you brush your teeth– but who cares, because no one’s going to be smelling your balls today anyway.  Maybe just turn them inside out to be safe. Continue reading