Tag Archives: montana

Tippy the Thirsty Squirrel

14 Aug

If I didn’t have to fuck, I would move to Montana.  Get a cabin; get some acreage.  Out there you can own a pond.  Maybe; I have no fucking idea.  But I’m pretty sure you can get a place on  a fuckton of land with a breathtaking view of snow capped mountains and possibly a creek running through it where you can flyfish, if you’re into flyfishing.  Huge meadows, maybe lightly forested, that bloom in the spring with tiny delicate wildflowers. Songbirds massing on trees to pick berries in the fall; stopping through on their way to Panama.  Elk.  Deer.  Wolves maybe.  Bears.  Maybe one nosy and mischievous bear with whom you are constantly in an arms race as he finds more and more fiendishly clever ways to get into your garbage and you find more and more Rube Goldbergian ways to keep him out, and you secretly respect and take delight in such an adversary until one day he mauls your dog and you have to just shoot him.  Then he becomes an awesome rug for your hearth.  His face snarling in the firelight, even though in life he just looked a bit curious and dumb like a gas station attendant who hasn’t done math in fifteen years trying to figure out a piece of long division. Continue reading