Tag Archives: robert motherfucking urich


15 Oct

Nikol D.S. Hasler, the person with the most accurate middle initials in the world.

You know that feeling when you’re having a shitty day at work and people are assholes and you have no money and the car you just bought is now beginning to show signs of a flawed cooling system, but you just tore off a new piece of ass the night before so nothing can really get you down? Well, Nikol’s cancer is in remission.  So nothing can get me down today.  Also, I tore off a new piece of ass. But mostly it’s Nikol.

Nikol’s cancer is in remission.  I never even thought about her cancer, when she had it, unless some big shit like surgery was happening, or it was right after her hair fell out.  Unless it was in my face.  She was sick, but she’s always sick, because she can take a handle of Von’s brand whiskey to the head and does tons of drugs; she’s the kind of person who texts you “I just took 30 tylenol PM’s and I’m going to die” and you can just laugh it off because she can eat pills that would make a billygoat puke.  She’s a tank.  But you could never tell if she was just hung over as fuck or if it was, you know, terminal illness. She wasn’t one of these cancer talk people, cancer cancer cancer all the time, my treatments, my symptoms, my positive thinking program, my misguided attempt to use alternative medicine from Mexico that will only accelerate my death. You didn’t think about it. Continue reading

Diary 2/24/12: Nikol’s Living Will

14 May

Nothing funny about this motherfucking shit: I am going to be the executor of Nikol’s living will.  Because she is going to die. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow.  But soon, and for the rest of her life.

She has no hair now and no eyebrows, and pukes so much that her stomach and/or esophagus is ulcerated and she vomits fountains of blood.  I saw some on the toilet seat.  We both remarked that it was good that it wasn’t black blood.  Because… why is it again? Because black blood means that it’s internal bleeding.  That the blood has somehow seeped between organs and sat there and blackened.  If you are puking black blood, you are really in trouble.  Where the fuck did we learn that, HOUSE MD?

Whatever– my view is regardless of the color blood you are shitting or puking, you are well and truly fucked and thinking the red blood is so great is merely hair-splitting.

She is going to die and when that is real close to happening she wants me to pull the plug if necessary.  She has no relatives she trusts to pull this off without chickening out, and since she’s a product of the foster care system there is no one who takes legal precedent.  So when her brain has liquified, I’m to give the order: cease all resuscitation efforts or whatever the fuck.  Then I’m gonna sit there and hold her hand until the machine goes BEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP.

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