Tag Archives: shoes and handbags

You Should Have Been Born Ugly

18 Sep

Because you’re pretty smart, but you have fallen into every single trap that good looking girls do.  You believe in astrology, The Law of Attraction™, organic carrot juice being put in your ass to cure cancer.  You are acutely interested in shoes and handbags.  The weird thing is you discuss all this shit intelligently. You hear any of this shit from a fat chick and they’d rightly be told to fuck off.  Get back to the farm.  But you, you’re gonna carry this stupid shit with you for your whole life.  Nobody ever wants to tell you there’s no tooth fairy.  Like, the greatest genius in rural Swaziland still believes in sorcery, because no one’s around to tell him: “no, physics.” Instead he becomes the best shaman with the farthest reaching knowledge of how sodomizing a bull and having virgins drink the collected semen while wrapped in asps will ensure power, strength and virility for seven years.