This party. Now I’m too tired to go to this fucking party. Jesus. Too fucking tired to do anything. Woke up too early. And spent the whole day alone and now I’m tired and weird. And (REDACTED) isn’t going, and (REDACTED) is going to flake. And no one I know is going to be there. And I can’t get drunk. Because I’m going to have to drive. And it’s going to be lame. And google maps doesn’t work on my fucking computer.
But fuck it, I’m going to go. Maybe I’ll get some ass. This chick (REDACTED). Even though she used to date Chris, I think she wants to fuck me. Or, I think she wants to fuck people. And I am a person.
But who knows. Maybe she’ll just fuck Chris. I bet she’s the only chick there, and the rest of it is a bunch of loser UCLA dudes. I’ll make a long drive, spent and exhausted, and I’ll get a DUI. I’ll get raped in jail, and I’ll get AIDS. I’ll spread AIDS to my cat (through a scratch or something; I don’t fuck my cat. Much.), and my cat will die. And my dick will get cut off somehow. Somehow my going to this party will result in nuclear annihilation for the rest of the planet. That’s how bad this party is going to suck. At this party, some cold I’m carrying will combine with some other virus someone else is carrying—but not an STD, because I am definitely not getting laid at this party– some virus I’m carrying will combine with tetanus I get when someone at this party drives a nail through my dick and it will create a supervirus that will kill the whole planet. But especially the people I love; they will die first, in front of me. And my car will get stolen. Continue reading
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