Alpaca Farming

Yeah, just stay away from alpacas, though. Because I know they have those ads late at night, between “BUY GOLD NOW” and “they’ll bring the diabeedus kits right to yer home,” and they show a little blonde boy frolicking with the angelic baby alpaca, you know. But it ain’t like that. They’re fucking surly, they bite, and their natural defense is to spit a hardened wad of mucous at your eyes or chest at speeds in excess of two hundred miles per hour. Also, the alpaca costs like 30 grand and it produces ten pounds of wool per year, which retails for $17 per pound. You are trapped breeding more and more thirty thousand dollar alpacas to sell to the next sucker, forever.

Tags: alpacas, wilford brimley