I Am a Crab

20 Jun

and then… and then I clatter out from behind the piling, over the barnacles, and I find that a sea worm or other large benthic invertebrate has perished and washed up on the shore, and I drag it away with my disproportionately large right claw to a secluded area where my fellows cannot covet my succulent briney flesh-hoard. And I greedily munch it down with my little paired-mandible apparatus and generally wallow in the stink and decay of the sea. Delicious!

10 Responses to “I Am a Crab”

  1. cathy June 20, 2012 at 11:40 am #

    lmfao that made me laugh

  2. Anonymous June 20, 2012 at 1:33 pm #

    best post in a while

  3. LE June 20, 2012 at 3:36 pm #

    Adorable. Your attempts to balance out your compulsive victimization of helpless women with the STD posts about how you to some extent have been victimized by them were getting to be a bit much. This was a touch, wallow-y, but this blog definitely needs more wildlife photography.

    • sylviasarah June 21, 2012 at 1:48 am #

      I agree 🙂 I think I’d rather have this than like, an expression of remorse in the form of the old, “you really shouldn’t like me because…” confessional type thing he does sometimes. This blog is so awesome!

  4. Anonymous June 20, 2012 at 3:54 pm #

    At first, I thought this would be another STD post.

  5. lenore June 20, 2012 at 4:23 pm #

    LE’s comments are a perfect foil to your post… don’t know which i enjoy more. a worthy nemesis makes life waaaaay more interesting, don’t you think?

    • LE June 20, 2012 at 11:49 pm #

      Foil sounds kind of mean, like I want to blunt Tacos. I like that he’s so vulgar, but I think he could deploy that vulgarity more effectively sometimes. I worry about him ending up like my old boss, a lecherous, bloated dude remarkable for nothing more than being a Jew with easy access to cocaine and Eastern European prostitutes.

      • lenore June 21, 2012 at 5:12 am #

        i love his existential angst, the endless internal conflict, the sense of false humility that covers his huge ego that covers his deep disappointment in being ordinary. beautiful. his vulgarity… not so much.

  6. Anonymous June 20, 2012 at 11:54 pm #

    barnacles: the title

    i’ve done this before. any of it. i know it sucks
    try making it with your own hands. not that different..engaging in its worth..
    when you fucking-so-know-better
    whatever dude.
    stop thinking you are alone.
    and do something about it.
    i mean—obviously–you already have.
    nice blog.
    fuckface…

  7. sylviasarah June 21, 2012 at 1:43 am #

    Cute. Just don’t move too slow while on shore or those birds’ll get you 😦

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