I used to do coke for three days at a time and then crash by compulsively masturbating for hours. I used to roll around with my degenerate buddies in the back of a pickup truck, fucked up on pills, throwing homemade pipe bombs at people’s houses. I dated a crackhead and was engaged to a needle junkie. I impregnated one girl who miscarried on heroin and another, a daughter of one of my professors, who was (REDACTED) years old. I went to a mental institution after threatening to jump out the window of my fiancee’s apartment. I took 50 10-mg. ritalins in one night. I resuscitated a guy from a heroin overdose in my house by giving him CPR; he had been eating coffee grounds for some reason and he vomited them when he awoke. It looked like potting soil. I fell off my bike and ripped off my entire thumb; it had to be surgically reattached. My girlfriend overslept when we had a date and I reacted by kicking her car over and over, leaving dozens of huge dents. I often had the chance to fuck hot girls but I was impotent from cocaine so I would pretend that I wanted to stop for emotional reasons. I only ever devirginized one chick but I came from the tightness when I got it halfway in– so I pretended, again, that I wanted to stop for emotional reasons. She was menstruating so I don’t think she noticed my nut. I made out with a man a couple times. I have fucked prostitutes on several occasions and in fact barebacked one repeatedly. I had a medical condition that would cause me to shit myself at work. My left nut is the size of a fist. The first time I ever masturbated, I thought that it was something no one had ever accomplished before and that I would be renowned as a great genius for discovering it. I fucked a three hundred pound woman. I once fucked a hooker doggystyle with a hemorrhoid coming out of her butthole. I jerked it a bunch to horse porn, and a couple times to a Japanese chick getting fucked by a boston terrier.
Anyway, good morning.