Weekend Journal 9-3-12 Part 2: The Other Shit, without the Random Naked Chick Sucking My Cock While a Frenchman Rawdogged Her

4 Sep

Friday night I got blind drunk, alone, on cheap brandy.  And I played Baldur’s Gate.  Baldur’s Gate is a video game version of Dungeons and Dragons from the nineties.  It is the greatest video game ever made.  My character is a wizard.

The game kept crashing.  It would crash at the same place– every time I entered the Jovial Juggler Inn in Beregost.  I spent many hours googling variations on “Jovial Juggler Crash.”  A lot of people have the same problem. Going back over a decade.  But apparently in this instance it’s connected to my use of a mod that allows the old game to play in resolutions suited to today’s modern computers and screens.  I spent many hours uninstalling and reinstalling the game and the mod and downloading both things again and changing my save files and etc.  Reloading a save game from before my characters entered the Beregost land tile.  None of it fixed the problem.  I will simply not go into the Jovial Juggler Inn.  It’s annoying because later in the game, Commander Vai of the Flaming Fist mercenaries will pay you 150 gold pieces for every bandit scalp you collect, and 1,000 gold pieces for every wyvern head, and she is quartered at the Jovial Juggler Inn. There are many bandits and wyverns in the game, and I need that fucking money.  But what can you do. Eventually I passed out.

Saturday Astrid came over.  She brought a fifth of “75 South” whiskey, which is the Von’s store brand, and a 24 pack of Tecate, and we began drinking. We went to a Mexican restaurant.  Astrid saw the waiter walk by with a margarita that was on fire and she wanted one.  She’s out of money, the weekend was my treat, and it made me feel good to purchase this special margarita for her.  We drank a bunch of liquor in my sweaty apartment and then went to Jumbo’s Clown Room, which is a fake titty bar where the girls don’t actually show their tits or pussy due to Los Angeles’ absurd strip club regulations.  Nobody was tipping the girls.  One girl started yelling at the audience, incoherently.  Yelling at them for not tipping her.  I was the only person who gave her a dollar.  She made a weird “seductive”  face at me and then came and sat with us.  I thought she was going to sell me a lap dance but she just wanted to drink my beer.  Her eyes were black, like a doll’s eyes.  Like whatever eyes are like in Quint’s monologue from JAWS.  I couldn’t tell what was behind them, but it was something like some old guy fingerbanging her in a tool shed at age six.  She kept leaning over me to talk to Astrid, putting her arm on my penis.  She asked if we were artists.  We said yes.  She kept saying “Youre so essentric!” I was being charming.  Astrid was disgusted with her, but I wanted her to stay because her arm felt good on my penis.

Reza joined us.  The guy who fucked the OKCupid porn star.  Meeting him made me even more mad about it.  He’s doughy and unkempt and generally charmless.  But she gave him syphilis.  So that’s good.

We went home and kept drinking.  In Jumbo’s I had become drunk enough that I wanted cocaine.  I have a friend, a girl, whom I sometimes do cocaine with and then I fuck her face until the sun comes up.  I called her to get her connect.  Turns out she only knows the guy through a friend, a college professor who pays her three hundred bucks a pop to fuck her while he holds a noose around her neck and calls her a dirty black whore.   The dealer was reluctant to transact with me, a new client, so the girl told the noose guy if he didn’t make his dealer play ball she would forward his stories about abusing prostitutes to all of his colleagues, students and family.  The dealer arrived shortly thereafter.  His cocaine was excellent.

Astrid and I spent three hours arguing over why I can’t be her boyfriend before she sucked my cocaine-flaccid penis for a while and went to bed.  I stayed up for six more hours fucking my artificial vagina before repeatedly beating off thinking about the stripper.  Her lean little ass in her black thong.  Her dumb confused eyes.

13 Responses to “Weekend Journal 9-3-12 Part 2: The Other Shit, without the Random Naked Chick Sucking My Cock While a Frenchman Rawdogged Her”

  1. R. Lee September 4, 2012 at 6:02 pm #

    Jesus Christ, you know some really fucked up people. I mean REALLY fucked up. We’re all fucked up, but especially you and these people. Get some help. Professional help. Or get a small dog and name him Prince or something. You will be a much happier person.

    Cocaine, hookers, guns, strippers, porn stars, syphilis. Seriously, what the fuck!

  2. Anonymous September 4, 2012 at 8:41 pm #

    This blog is awesome.

  3. sylviasarah September 4, 2012 at 8:59 pm #

    Wow, I hope it doesn’t turn into that one episode of CSI or whatever where the guy killed his latex wearing prositute by plugging the straws which were her only access to air. He killed her because his wife made him angry.

    Where is Cathy?

    • cathy September 5, 2012 at 8:48 am #

      hi sylvia!

      • sylviasarah September 5, 2012 at 8:49 am #

        Hiya Cathy! How’s it goin? Long time no see!

      • R. Lee September 5, 2012 at 6:36 pm #

        Hi, Sylvia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
        !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
        !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
        !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
        !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Anonymous September 5, 2012 at 1:28 pm #

        Can you two shut the fuck up already.

      • R. Lee September 5, 2012 at 6:37 pm #

        Hi, Anonymous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
        !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
        !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
        !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
        !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
        !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • R. Lee September 5, 2012 at 6:35 pm #

        Hi, Cathy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • sylviasarah September 5, 2012 at 8:56 pm #

        Aw, Anon! Why?! Pointless comments are just part of a large readership. News networks have them all the time.

      • sylviasarah September 5, 2012 at 8:59 pm #

        *news websites…?

  4. Christy September 5, 2012 at 6:40 am #

    Were you the one in favor of you not being Nikol’s boyfriend, or was that her stance and you were arguing FOR it?

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