To the Only Girl I Wanted to Message Me Back

5 Sep


I feel bad now.  I was genuinely moved by your blog post about the ass speculum.  Or rather, the vaginal speculum, not intended for use in the ass, being inserted into your ass so another performer could spit jizz she had just sucked out of a guy’s huge dick, which had been primed to ejaculation by fucking you in the ass, back into your ass, whence you would drip it into a cup and she and you would drink it from a straw.  Or something.  Frankly the chain of events was a little difficult to follow but I understood the larger point that you showed up thinking you were gonna do a 3 way with a guy and a chick and get fucked in the asshole as part of it but were presented, without foreknowledge, with a gigantic plexiglass spreading tool and told you would have to have it open and abrade your asshole in the “piledriver” position. Then get fucked in the ass with your rectum torn and bloody and ragged from this thing.  It sounds horrible, and you should have walked away, but you did it anyway, out of fear you wouldn’t be able to work again if you said no.  I’m sorry that happened to you. 

I was horrified by the image of the giant H.R. Giger looking tool; picturing you showing up for a quasi-ordinary day’s work and having it sprung on you that you would be probed with it, and fresh warm jizz spat directly into your intestines.  Who jerks off to this.  You had to smile while they were doing it, I bet.  I don’t know.  I’m not gonna watch the video.

But also, just… the blog post with its misspellings and fucked up grammar; seeing you less polished, before some professional who does not get paid to have a pussy waded in and made it look like credible video game journalism– suddenly it became clear that you are a church girl from the Ozarks who got off the bus and had to sell her butthole and cooch to the type of person who will spring an unexpected ass speculuming on you.  And: who made you this way.  The type of man who is a hellfire preaching church leader who moves his family out to the sticks so no one’s around to get between him and your bald twat.

Who did this to you.  Who does this to all these girls.  Who fucking does this, and how are there so many of them.  How has every girl I’ve ever been really close to been molested.  Maybe it’s, you know, I don’t consider them “close” until they tell me that story.  But there’s always that story.  There’s usually more than one guy.  Sometimes there are many and they pass you around.  How does a group of people do this.  Are other people a different species.  How is this shit that happens every day even conceivable.  You were a little baby once, before whoever this was showed up and hurt you.  Broke you.

This is not the feeling I expected when I googled your name and “anal.”

22 Responses to “To the Only Girl I Wanted to Message Me Back”

  1. Anonymous September 6, 2012 at 11:48 am #

    And yet you consistently capitalize on what happens to these girls to get yourself laid for equally fucked up, unfathomable reasons.

    It’s all one semen-encrusted, coke-powder spattered, hacking cough of a life. And you keep on keeping on. Why?

    • sylviasarah September 6, 2012 at 5:58 pm #

      It sounds like you think he should kill himself…

      DT, I wish she would have written you back. She’s your unicorn. Even though, it’s still weird that she has this and you wanted her but Nikol has stuff and you don’t want her…It’s a good thing she didn’t write you back. For posts like this, at least.

      • Anonymous September 7, 2012 at 8:04 pm #

        White Whale, not a unicorn you halfwit, the white whale.

      • sylviasarah September 7, 2012 at 8:10 pm #

        You tried and failed to make a girl feel bad about herself for expressing an opinion to someone other than yourself. Feel better about yourself?

      • Anonymous September 9, 2012 at 6:05 pm #

        Not trying to make you feel bad, I’m sure you do that sufficiently for yourself. Just stop clogging up the comments with your insipid bullshit.

      • sylviasarah September 9, 2012 at 6:23 pm #

        I refuse. And yes you were. I don’t do it myself nearly enough.

      • Anonymous September 9, 2012 at 6:36 pm #

        Trust me you do. You sound very overweight, and while I’m sure you try to project some practiced sardonic wit towards that fact suggesting that you don’t care, in actuality you do. Very much.

      • sylviasarah September 10, 2012 at 9:02 am #

        Omg, a man just figured me out! Can I such your dick? I’m very very overweight, like the lady in the movie Feed, so you have DTs own testimony that we all such good dick.

        Trust hun, if I did care, I’d do something about it. 🙂 Thanks for your concern for my emotional well-being.

      • Anonymous September 10, 2012 at 11:46 am #

        shhhh, no more tears, it will be alright.

      • sylviasarah September 10, 2012 at 12:43 pm #

        Thanks. Is my mascara running?

      • sylviasarah September 10, 2012 at 12:49 pm #

        *very, very

      • Anonymous September 10, 2012 at 3:14 pm #

        so she’s fat and her personality blows. why do you care, dude?

      • sylviasarah September 10, 2012 at 4:10 pm #

        How rude! My personality is great! You just haven’t…oh…you guys are good.

  2. Jake September 7, 2012 at 12:48 am #

    The more he suffers, the better the posts.

  3. Anonymous September 7, 2012 at 10:47 am #

    yo sargeant ummmm i think you’re being generous bc from the vid in prev comments you have better style? consider it a charity case? why no more daily posts

  4. pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn September 9, 2012 at 7:31 am #

    Read her blog post. The movie in reference is called “The Spit and the Speculum: The Greatest Whorror Tale Ever Told” Lmao, Poe would be proud. It’s some pretty nasty shit, but it doesn’t look all that painful; sounds like she was just being a diva, she shoulda just sucked it up and finished the scene. I guess they didn’t get enough footage cause it’s not in the movie.

    Here’s the trailer:

    • delicioustacos September 10, 2012 at 11:18 am #

      They should have called it THE ARISTOCRATS.

      • Anonymous September 10, 2012 at 11:53 am #

        that joke’s a bit past its expiration date don’t you think?

    • sylviasarah September 10, 2012 at 5:03 pm #

      Insipid comment, stardate 66693.19:

      I just clicked on that link, even though I promised myself never to click a link from here again. That video is seriously two girls and a cup quality nasty. That poor girl.

  5. pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn September 9, 2012 at 8:37 am #

    Also, the porn they make is for the hardcore raincoat wearing perverts – you know, the guys who would go jerk off in some jizz covered movie booth in the back of an adult book store if they didn’t have an internet connection. Guys like Fred Willard. They’re the only ones who actually still pay for porn, and they want to see the girls pushed to their limits.


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