No One in Greenland Likes Fake Rape, or: Let’s Gaze into the Navel of a Painting of Me Gazing into My Own Navel

2 Jan

In case you give a shit, here is WordPress’ “Year In Review” page for this web site.  Many wonderful memories.

My favorite parts are the world map that reveals that people have looked at this blog from a buttload of countries, and that the biggest search term that isn’t the name of the site is “fake rape sex.” Also popular were “underage cock” and “pubescent tits.”

I was also amused by revisiting my longest comments section.  I miss that guy “pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn.”  I wonder where he went.  His comments were better than the fucking blog.

I do not plan on taking the blog in a new direction in 2013.  Nor do I plan on taking my life in a new direction.  I plan on doing the exact same shit and typing about it into the exact same free WordPress “Bueno” format, which was the first one offered when I set up the page.  But I’ll probably get cancer or be crippled in a car accident or something, or go nuts from being unemployed, so, there will be new material.

Anyway.  Thank you all for coming, seriously.


16 Responses to “No One in Greenland Likes Fake Rape, or: Let’s Gaze into the Navel of a Painting of Me Gazing into My Own Navel”

  1. Anonymous January 2, 2013 at 9:58 pm #

    Thanks for writing, DT. It’s a fun read — 90 percent of time. A solid A-. But what’s with the long titles as of late? This title, and the recent one about working out come to mind. Any time I see a long title, I’m reminded of that one painting by Joan Miro with the pretentiously-long title, “The Lark’s Wing, Encircled with Golden Blue, Rejoins the Heart of the Poppy Sleeping on a Diamond-Studded Meadow”. It’s two circles within two squares, split by a black line. Miro intended the title to sound pretentious. Is this subtle self-deprecatory humor?

    Anyway, cool blog.

    • Anonymous January 2, 2013 at 11:18 pm #

      “Is this subtle self-deprecatory humor?” If you’re not sure if it’s subtle or non-existent, it must be pretty damn subtle, son. Now, is there any subtlety in the previous sentence? Discuss.

  2. jake January 3, 2013 at 3:52 am #

    That guy posts a bunch on I’m sure you can find him there.

    • pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn January 6, 2013 at 10:42 am #

      Who, me? I don’t read that pick-up artist shit. Until I found this blog through Reddit I didn’t even know that entire “manosphere/pick-up artist” subculture existed to the extent that it does online. Not really sure where you got that from, Jake. Does someone post under the handle “pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn” over there?

      I was just busy with the holidays and all the bullshit that goes along with it. I read a couple posts around mid-December, but I didn’t have time to comment. Thanks for the compliments, but I don’t think my disjointed scribbling compares to your well-composed blog posts. I actually thought you would’ve welcomed a break from my rants.

      Got a question for you, DT, since you’re a Hollywood insider: I was talking to some people the other day about new movies, and Tarantino’s new flick “Django Unchained” came up – one of them said they thought Tarantino overdid it with the racist themes, specifically the use of the word “nigger”, they said they thought it seemed like Tarantino was “trying to get away with something”, like he was seeing how far he could push the envelope. And I said, well, yeah, that’s what he does. He draws his influence from those 70’s grindhouse exploitation flicks where everything is intentionally lurid and blown way out of proportion, that’s where the gratuitous use of violence, profanity, etc. in his movies comes from.

      That reminded me of an article I read about how Spike Lee was boycotting the movie, because “American Slavery Was Not a Sergio Leone Spaghetti Western. It Was a Holocaust. My Ancestors Are Slaves. Stolen From Africa. I Will Honor Them”. Then he gets on Twitter and says “Birth Of A Nation Got Black Folks Lynched. Media Is Powerful. DON’T SLEEP. WAKE UP YO.” urging people not to watch it. This is the same motherfucker who scoffed at journalists suggesting that the final scene in “Do The Right Thing” might incite black people to riot. Now Spike Lee’s been bashing Tarantino ever since “Pulp Fiction” and “Jackie Brown” saying Tarantino is “obsessed” with black people, which pisses me off. Spike Lee’s been a self-righteous, bigmouthed, hypocritical, race-baiting little jitbag from the get-go; always at the center of some fucking phony controversy; always voicing his “outrage” over some perceived slight or stereotype of African-Americans. I said Lee’s got some balls talking about other people being “obsessed” with ethnic groups considering he’s been “obsessed” with Italian-Americans ever since he started making movies, probably stemming from the assbeatings he took as a kid growing up in an Italian neighborhood in Brooklyn. Now that motherfucker never misses a chance to take a jab at us, to “get back” at Italians, either by stereotyping Italians as dumb, racist, violent degenerates, or injecting some kind of fucking Afrocentric pseudoscience into Italian ancestry: “You know Italians got black in them”, or by casting an Italian girl to play the whorish, homewrecking secretary fiending for Wesley Snipes’ coal-black negro-savage cock(you think that shit was a coincidence?), or completely distorting historical events in that WW2 film he made(which nobody watched) to make it seem as though the Italian resistance movement collaborated with the Nazis, which he knows is complete bullshit pseudohistory yet still refuses to acknowledge let alone apologize for – fuck Spike Lee. Hasn’t made a movie worth shit since “25th Hour” anyway, so it makes sense that the only way he can keep his name relevant is by voicing his phony outrage to the media. And it’s not that any of that shit bothers me, it’s the hypocrisy that bothers me. I could give a fuck if Spike Lee casts a thousand cornicello wearing, cement laying, greaseball caricatures in his movies; plenty of them exist in real life, some of them are my friends and relatives. And I doubt it would bother any them or any other Italian-Americans because we haven’t made a cultural tradition out of fucking complaining about everything.

      Anyway, somebody else said to me that it’s probably all a charade, that Tarantino and Lee are probably friends and they just go back and forth with each other in the press to drum up publicity for their movies. I don’t think that’s true; I didn’t hear Tarantino saying anything to the press about “Red Hook Summer” or any of the other box-office flops Lee’s released over the past couple years. So what do you think?

      • delicioustacos January 8, 2013 at 11:23 am #

        I think Spike believes what he says. I think Tarantino probably doesn’t give a shit. Whatever these guys do for publicity would be pretty meaningless; if you go to the Mall of America, no one knows who they are. If Honey Boo Boo took issue with Spike’s use of Italian-American stereotypes then it might generate publicity.

        Or maybe I’m wrong. Or maybe it’s some hybrid where Spike kind of gives a shit, but knows Denzel *really* gives a shit back from his beef with Tarantino on CRIMSON TIDE, and Spike needs to preserve that relationship so that he can keep the possibility of INSIDE MAN 2 alive… who knows. Maybe Spike’s the guy who convinced Michael Jordan to grow a Hitler stache. If so, he’s brilliant.

      • pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn January 13, 2013 at 10:01 pm #

        Tarantino shouldn’t give a shit – fuck em if he can’t take a joke. You would think of all people, a fellow filmmaker would be able to appreciate it, but Lee takes himself way too goddamn seriously. And the very fact that Tarantino’s got people stirred up about it, that he sparked a discussion in the media over it, however meaningless, means that he did his job well.

        I didn’t know about the shit with Denzel Washington, had to google that, but apparently him and Tarantino squashed it a long time ago. Denzel’s daughter even worked on the fucking movie. Ha.

        I’m not in a rush to see it anyway, not a huge fan of Tarantino. Not in a rush to see any of the garbage Hollywood pumps out anymore; they’re getting as bad as pornographers nowadays with all the remakes and the sequels – absolutely no imagination. I think the last movie I went to was “Alice In Wonderland”, and the only reason I went to that was to see what all the Imax 3d hype was about. Never again. Those fucking glasses had me seeing double for about three hours afterwards, and they gave me a splitting headache. They should warn you about that shit before you go in there.

        I do want to check out “Silver Linings Playbook” though, I heard that was pretty good. If only to see if they “got it right”, you know, the atmosphere of the place. I read the book the other day, and I gotta say I was not impressed. I really, I don’t understand how out of the thousands of books that get published every year, that one got chosen for a film adaptation. If that book came across your desk from some agent, you probably woulda threw it in the trash. The main character, Pat, spends about 80% of the book jogging around Collingswood in South Jersey. From watching the trailer, I don’t know where the fuck they shot the film, but the book’s set across the river in Camden County. In the book, the father, who Robert DeNiro plays, refuses to talk to the son Pat; he’s got about three lines of dialogue in the whole book. He’s supposed to be this stubborn, uncommunicative guy. There’s barely any dialogue in the book at all, it’s mostly the guy Pat’s interior monologue. I guess they got screenwriter’s to handle all that shit.

      • Anonymous March 15, 2013 at 9:41 am #

        About “Red Hook Summer”, it sucks. My girlfriend wanted to watch it. I told her I’d rather watch Spike jump up and down at Knicks’ games (TNT, ABC, espn stop putting the cameras on that fool.) We ended up watching it anyway. Saw about 15 minutes and turned it off. It stars the guy who played Lester Freeman in The Wire, which i thought would make it bearable. I was so wrong. It’s so goddamn talky it makes glengarry glen Ross look like The Artist. The acting is stylized and theatrical, and not in a good way. The whole thing looks like it should have been a play that rich manhattanites see to make themselves feel better because they are emersing themselves in Black culture. Pretentious, preachy, annoying it’s like Spike ground up his essence and baked it right into the film stock.

  3. Anonymous January 5, 2013 at 10:25 am #

    Dude, Sylviasarah has commented a psychotic 279 times compared to the nikolwrastler, your own de facto girlfriend, who has only commented 53 times.
    You do know that one day you will find your death at the hands of Sylvia”John HinckleyJr.”Sarah, don’t you?

    • sylviasarah January 6, 2013 at 12:37 am #

      Well, in all fairness, she can actually talk to him so…she wouldn’t have to post comments. And the only thing I want to shoot is not a gun…and it wouldn’t be bullets…and it’d be aimed at me… 😉

      • Anonymous January 6, 2013 at 9:16 am #

        Everything you write is pyschotic and creepy.

      • Anonymous January 6, 2013 at 9:18 am #


      • sylviasarah January 6, 2013 at 9:53 pm #

        :)thanks for reading

      • sylviasarah January 6, 2013 at 11:11 pm #

        Okay, you’re right. It does seem pretty creepy, now that I look at it, so I will try to chill on the commenting, but only because I’m going to try not to give in to trolling as much. I’m already failing :/ But, I mean, how many comments total are there anyway? And it’s not fair to single me out when there are all kinds of Anonymouses AND R. Lee posted all kinds of comments in other people’s names so that’s not his real total.

  4. pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn January 6, 2013 at 11:29 am #

    What’s up with all the visitors from the Congo? Spambots, or dudes looking to improve their OKCupid profile? Wonder what a profile from the Congo looks like: “Usually when I want woman I just crack her over the head with the blunt end of my machete and drag her into the jungle, or offer her family a couple of hectares of my Sorghum crop and a bucket of rainwater, but I thought, why not give this dating website a shot?” Joseph Kony’s probably reading your blog.


  1. Unemployment Diary: What Do You Do « delicioustacos - February 3, 2013

    […] this site off WordPress and put ads on it for the kind of shit that people who search for “fake rape sex” like to buy.  Get a buck every time someone clicks through to a replica of Misti […]

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