Virgil Wanted to Burn The Aeneid

21 Aug


They shoot my porno tomorrow. In some hotel room in Fontana. Two men, one woman. They didn’t tell me it was a hotel. I wrote it for a boardroom. I wrote it for our boardroom, in our office; after all we have the keys.

It’s corporate themed. A boss fucks his secretary and forces his married underling to participate. Light D/s stuff. They pitched it to me and I had an angle. Do it as a sexual harassment seminar. If we had the money, the whole video would be a parody of a corporate training video. Sarah has walked in on supervisor Frank bending Cathy over the copy machine. What action should she take? Jim, an outside vendor, has ejaculated in Wanda the shipping clerk, despite being asked to leave his fluids on her face, neck and chest. What might Wanda be feeling right now? Choose all that apply.

Instead it takes place after the mandatory video viewing. The boss essentially rapes his employees during the video comprehension Q & A. He eggs them on to increasingly vile sex acts in corporate doublespeak. “Think outside the box” practically wrote itself. The one requirement was that I add a scene where the secretary eats a doughnut off the boss’s dick. I signed off on your snack requisition forms, Jessica. You’re a hungry little piggie aren’t you.

It was a metaphor for the way corporatism rapes you. The way working life rapes you. It was about the torture of language and ideas in capitalist America. Words mean their opposite. They tell you something is to protect you when it’s meant to fuck you. Make sure you can’t sue them if you get raped.

It would have been the most profound porn of all time. People would have fast forwarded through the sex to hear my brilliant words. Realized they were living shells of lives. Risen up. Overthrown their oppressors. Ushered in a new age of brotherhood. Not now though. You take it out of the boardroom and you lose the message.

I was supposed to be in it, too. As the underling. But they only take test results from two places and I don’t have my card yet. Too bad. The chick is a real piece of ass.

I bet they leave the doughnut in.

EDIT: The shoot has been postponed because a porn star got the HIV.

9 Responses to “Virgil Wanted to Burn The Aeneid”

  1. aneroidocean August 21, 2013 at 11:06 am #

    Wow, how do you get pitched a porn script?


  2. Stephen August 21, 2013 at 9:16 pm #

    Sometimes I think I am reading shit from the 80s when I peruse DT’s blog.

  3. Stephen August 21, 2013 at 9:17 pm #

    er I mean 80s

  4. TacoDildoFuckAssRammerDyke August 23, 2013 at 1:48 am #

    id like to discuss a very lucrative pyramid scheme. also, dont die…youre all i have to live for

  5. eec August 24, 2013 at 11:13 pm #

    I love this. And you.

  6. I.K. Cabezas August 25, 2013 at 12:19 pm #

    Can’t imagine a more perfect job for Mr. DT. I think he’ll step his way into a big time director role in no time.

  7. pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn August 26, 2013 at 8:56 pm #

    I like this. You’re going places in this town, Tacos. They should’ve allowed you more creative direction, like assistant director. Here’s what I was thinking: As Frank is bending Cathy over the copy machine railing her from behind, as soon as Sarah walks in the frame freezes mid stroke, while Sarah is looking on in shock. You know how Scorcese does those freeze frame shots? It would be like that. Then the narratot asks the question “What action should she take?” while it simultaneously pops up on the screen followed by a list of multiple answers.

    But you can’t shoot it in HD. You gotta go to a pawnshop and get a VHS home camcorder from the early 90’s to get that kind of grainy look, cause all those corporate training videos are at least 20 years old.

  8. Frank August 30, 2013 at 9:24 am #

    I like how it’s THE HIV hahaha


  1. Prepare to Get Fucked By the Long Dick of the Law - August 22, 2013

    […] It was a metaphor for the way corporatism rapes you. The way working life rapes you. It was about th… […]

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