Many suitors, but I chose “Surprise for Sleeping Sister.” A woman lays on her stomach. You mostly see her ass in multicolored panties. A man strokes his angry red penis for 90 seconds. Squeezes a halfhearted load in her ass crack. She does not wake. You can hear a Family Guy episode in the background. Mr. Spock wins the lottery and tells the rest of the Enterprise to go fuck themselves. McFarlane doesn’t try to sound like Spock. The niggardly load coughed up onto the sister’s plump ass cheeks barely registers. It will be harmlessly absorbed into fabric and unnoticed. There will be no surprise.
I jerked off to a video of a guy jerking off. I was gonna make a whole production of it but I couldn’t hold it anymore. 7 days of no jerking, no dates, no OKCupid, no flirting. Last one was easy. Women in public look at me like I’m a half dead jellyfish pulsating on the beach while a seagull picks at it. I have eyes like Private Pyle and a face like the Wicked Witch of the West. It’s a miracle I’ve ever been laid.
I had this idea that I’d nut in the black panties this girl mailed me. She’d gone jogging in them while ovulating so I could wear them as a mask. Kept asking for a dick pic. I thought I’d stroke it into the panties for her on video and blow a world record load. White jizz popping nicely on black. But I couldn’t hold it. I just blasted on the ant colony in the bathroom sink. Sorry Amy.