Young girls only fuck at night, and I go to bed early. Before sleep I review my household budget. Murmur approvingly if I’ve saved on groceries. Electric usage dropped. Light touch with the AC. No cable bill but the internet I was paying 30 dollars for became 60 somehow, because I stayed with Time Warner Cable. Phone bill stayed 100 but only by fights and fights with Verizon. Bank fees successfully disputed but I could write an orchestral score of Bank of America hold music from memory.
My H & M slim cut wrinkle free dress shirts hang on the shower curtain rod instead of going in the dryer. I’ll get a year out of them this way. Then they’ll get a stiff yellow crust on the armpits. Some chemical my body makes to ruin shirts. Soon enough a year will pass. Buy more shirts. Old ones go in my car to wipe the dipstick. Soon I’ll have paid off debt. Saved money. A travel fund. A fund for my children’s education. But no vacation, no children. I’ll just watch the number grow and it will please me. I could take care to withdraw cash in front of a girl. Not palm the receipt with the balance. Leave it visible. But there will be no girl. I sleep at 9. Young girls only exist at night.
I’ll marry an old woman. As the drought worsens she’ll grow a hummingbird’s beak from her mouth. Suck the juice from my glands while I sleep. My bones will leak out and become stains on my shirts. I’ll be a pile of queasy shapeless meat and the squirrels will chew out my eyes. Who will take my compound interest.
My parents are coming. They live here now. I have a good relationship with them. This means my sex life is over. The life of money and bills and responsibility has begun. Prompt medical checkups and colonoscopies and the dentist. Classes and homework and extracurriculars and then update mom and dad over dinner. In the queue to die.
I threw out a box of old papers in honor of their arrival. Each week I clean one thing. My apartment becomes livable. Girls would complain about the dust, the toilet. But they stayed.
I stopped drinking. Made a list of my character defects. Prayed for their removal. A list of those I harmed. Prayed for the willingness to make amends. The prayers will be answered. What will be left.