Diary: I’ll Die Alone if I Don’t Get Famous

16 Sep


Two girls left me in two days. I’ll die alone if I don’t get famous.

I need more women fans. More women fans under 30. More women fans under 30 who live in Los Angeles. I need more women fans under 30 in Los Angeles who are Asian. The only race I stay attracted to. Even then just barely. Eight dates, I don’t want to fuck them anymore.

I need more women fans under 30 who live with their parents. Backwards Viet family in some weird town like Irvine. She wants to be in a cool neighborhood. Motivated enough that she sends pics. I need more Asian women fans under 30 who are creative writing majors at some random college like Long Beach State. She checks out French romantic poets from the school library. Discovers my stupid web site God only knows how. Googling one of my OKCupid spams some balding schmuck sent her. Reads one of my six good things and thinks I’m some self exiled talent. Low self esteem despite being 22 and Vietnamese. And looking, as my friend Filbert said of her picture, like a Chinese ad for hand cream.

I need more 22 year old Asian woman fans with no apartment. She comes over with Andrei Tarkovsky DVDs from the library. We wake up the next morning; she stays. Still there when I get home. Cook for her. She asks about a story in a way that tells me how great I am. That part is important but not as important as her looks. Asian women fans at or under age 22 with a big ass they’re insecure about. Dresses from the mall. Weird lack of emotions. Asian women under 22 who started selling their pussy on craigslist at 17. Who tell me I have a small cock thinking it’s my fetish. Who ask: is your work confessional. I don’t know what that means. I say yes like Conan the Barbarian says uhhhhhh… infinity.

I need a fan who has some sense that she wants to be a writer. But no idea how the fuck to get there. Too on top of herself. Too calculated. She thinks I have something she doesn’t. Really I’m just 40 and a light sleeper. Wake up early and just hack at it and now I’ve had time. Plus there’s part of me missing that gives a fuck about surviving, working, getting married. Part of me poking up that wants to be hunted down and fired by twitter mobs. I like to jerk off to 14 year olds, I proclaim. Everyone else on the internet thinks about jerking it to 14 year olds 23 hours a day but they care about money so they can only write that Taylor Swift is racist. I therefore have a niche.

Some other broad dumps me and I just think about you. Come back to me for Christ’s sake. Too bad she’s Vietnamese. No searching for Nguyen on facebook. Asians: get your shit together and start having real last names.

(Check out my book Hot Naked Tits.)

29 Responses to “Diary: I’ll Die Alone if I Don’t Get Famous”

  1. Anal Trauma September 16, 2015 at 9:32 pm #

    Aaaah. Vietnamese women. Whorish oriental delights. Lived in a migrant hostel in 82, and the place was full of Vietnamese and Cambodians. Refugees and boat people escaping the aftermath of the Vietnam war and the Cambodian genocide. Some had witnessed cannibalism.
    Down the hall was this incredibly beautiful Vietnamese woman who whored herself out from her apartment. Men coming and going at all strange hours.
    She used to flirt with me and walk arm in arm all around the place. I was 11 so nothing was going to happen, but nice nevertheless. She used to fuck guys for money in the same room where her infant was sleeping in a cot. They are immoral and have no emotions. Some of the best looking women around though.

    Since you are a huge loser/self fellator and now that it is starting to look like the wheels are coming off your sanity, why don’t you start going for really old women? Like 65 to 75 range? Whole new experience, most are single and do not have guys waiting in the wings, and they would be grateful for your company. Best of all, being from that generation I would say most of them would be able to cook really well. On top of that, they probably have granddaughters in the age range your angling for.

    You could fuck their colostomy bag – Imagine the fun!

  2. ScrumptiousBurritos September 16, 2015 at 10:09 pm #

    “Everyone else on the internet thinks about jerking it to 14 year olds” but for fucks sake, dont ever touch one. 5 years of “treatment” followed by a lifetime of working in restaurants (no background checks) and neighbors constantly protesting your very presence. Its a life sentence! All because the 15 year old “victim” got caught in the act, then all of a sudden shes being raped.

    • Father O'Hara September 17, 2015 at 12:11 am #

      Rot in hell pervert!

      • ScrumptiousBurritos September 17, 2015 at 7:34 am #

        Father O’Hara, your reputation is well known amongst the alter boys of your parish, and you cast the first stone?

        BTW, I hear they serve beer in hell.

  3. Atlanta Man September 16, 2015 at 10:29 pm #

    I am happy with 16, the state of Georgia allows it and I am fucking it. A 16 year old has an impossibly tight vagina and no sexual experience , I rock their shit. I go to dub step parties in Atlanta and hook up with 16 year old girls looking for an place to crash to come down from Molly, I am old enough to remember when it was called extacy. 16 year old girls are impressed I have an apartment and my Kia, I do not tell them anything about my career or my real age. I say I am 32 and a military contractor, they say I am the best sex they they ever had and try to stay at my place as long as they can. I would fuck younger if it was legal, I turned down a threesome with a 16 year old and her 15 year old best friend- I masturbated to the fantasy of it occurring when they left, the 15 year old turns 16 in October and I can hardly wait…..

    • Anal Trauma September 16, 2015 at 11:01 pm #

      You’re sitting on the edge there – one day you’ll be tempted to crawl over that edge.
      And then…….jail and……..forced Anal Trauma!

      • Atlanta Man September 16, 2015 at 11:11 pm #

        I am a 40 year old 250 pound 6’4 negro with a huge beard, them dudes ain’t anal raping me- I am anal raping them!!!

      • Father O'Hara September 17, 2015 at 12:14 am #

        He’s a negro!

  4. Lou September 17, 2015 at 12:15 am #

    I really liked this, like most of your stuff. I think you should do a series on the ethnicities you’ve handled. Talk about the Mexicans vs Colombians. I am especially interested on your take on Armenians, Persians, and Indians because they are tough to bang.

  5. Anonymous September 17, 2015 at 9:13 am #

    These commenting fans should watch their mothers get raped by real men to see what genes they’re missing. It’s a wonder that any of them get laid at all.

    • Lee Holloway September 17, 2015 at 11:07 am #

      They’re not.

      • Father O'Hara September 20, 2015 at 12:00 am #


  6. CK September 17, 2015 at 5:15 pm #

    Asian with a bubble-butt and an attractive face. Come on. this is completely unrealistic. Might as well wish for a marriage that isn’t sexless.

    • Anonymous September 18, 2015 at 10:51 am #

      Or you can wish for a guy with a big dick, or one who knows how to properly use it. Maybe that’s why marriages are so sexless.

    • Father O'Hara September 18, 2015 at 4:40 pm #

      I know.Most are pug ugly and those that are hot have zero ass!

  7. Monty September 18, 2015 at 9:40 am #

    Searching for Nguyen is tough, even worse is when the chick you’re internet stalking is named Dong or Wang. It’s one of the cruelest jokes life hands out. At least the Japanese have names that aren’t slang for penises. And they invented fuckbots, so there’s that. Maybe save up for one of those.

    • JesusChristRamboDick October 4, 2015 at 11:16 am #

      Nguyen is pretty common, though some say not commonly pretty. But there’s one out there. And if he finds her he’ll be a tall white male which is like blood in the water for a lot of asian girls. All around Nguyen, Nguyen situation.

  8. CK September 18, 2015 at 3:27 pm #

    Atlanta Man, is this you? (See link).

    • Atlanta Man September 19, 2015 at 8:13 am #

      Damn it I have been unmasked! You dastardly slouth you have revealed my secret identity !

  9. ben September 19, 2015 at 12:34 pm #

    dude you’re 6’+ tall, ripped, white and older, gainfully employed, non-ugly, you have semi-internet fame, with a body of written work, and yet you (claim) to struggle with women…asian women who are already interested in white dudes matching your description.

    so i guess it’s hopeless for most of us. i should just clip my dick off and go become a monk/eunuch in the highest mountains of Montana.

    thanks for making the decision easy.

  10. Bill September 20, 2015 at 8:42 am #

    You’d go crazy at my gym. It’s a mecca for young Chinese / Filipino / Vietnamese / Viet Cong / whatever-the-fuck-else Asian ass. One was doing cable pull throughs right in front of me the other day. Could practically see the pheromones wafting from her taint sweat. I had to get up and leave.

    • Father O'Hara September 21, 2015 at 6:22 pm #

      To tickle the pickle?

  11. lolz September 20, 2015 at 8:00 pm #

    In NYC youre hard pressed to find an Asian girl or Indian girl on craigslist, apart from the gross middle aged FOBs at massage parlors. Its easier in California? I must go there..

  12. hah September 22, 2015 at 7:05 am #

    We are all God’s children. Let us join hands in peace and unity.

    • Father O'Hara September 30, 2015 at 12:49 pm #


  13. asif November 7, 2015 at 4:50 pm #

    “I like to jerk off to 14 year olds, I proclaim. Everyone else on the internet thinks about jerking it to 14 year olds 23 hours a day but they care about money so they can only write that Taylor Swift is racist. I therefore have a niche.”

    I have no comment, I just wanted to see this in print again.


  1. A Tale of Two Girls | sovietmen - September 19, 2015

    […] Also, at least I don’t whinge as much, or as eloquently, as this guy. […]

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