Two girls left me in two days. I’ll die alone if I don’t get famous.
I need more women fans. More women fans under 30. More women fans under 30 who live in Los Angeles. I need more women fans under 30 in Los Angeles who are Asian. The only race I stay attracted to. Even then just barely. Eight dates, I don’t want to fuck them anymore.
I need more women fans under 30 who live with their parents. Backwards Viet family in some weird town like Irvine. She wants to be in a cool neighborhood. Motivated enough that she sends pics. I need more Asian women fans under 30 who are creative writing majors at some random college like Long Beach State. She checks out French romantic poets from the school library. Discovers my stupid web site God only knows how. Googling one of my OKCupid spams some balding schmuck sent her. Reads one of my six good things and thinks I’m some self exiled talent. Low self esteem despite being 22 and Vietnamese. And looking, as my friend Filbert said of her picture, like a Chinese ad for hand cream.
I need more 22 year old Asian woman fans with no apartment. She comes over with Andrei Tarkovsky DVDs from the library. We wake up the next morning; she stays. Still there when I get home. Cook for her. She asks about a story in a way that tells me how great I am. That part is important but not as important as her looks. Asian women fans at or under age 22 with a big ass they’re insecure about. Dresses from the mall. Weird lack of emotions. Asian women under 22 who started selling their pussy on craigslist at 17. Who tell me I have a small cock thinking it’s my fetish. Who ask: is your work confessional. I don’t know what that means. I say yes like Conan the Barbarian says uhhhhhh… infinity.
I need a fan who has some sense that she wants to be a writer. But no idea how the fuck to get there. Too on top of herself. Too calculated. She thinks I have something she doesn’t. Really I’m just 40 and a light sleeper. Wake up early and just hack at it and now I’ve had time. Plus there’s part of me missing that gives a fuck about surviving, working, getting married. Part of me poking up that wants to be hunted down and fired by twitter mobs. I like to jerk off to 14 year olds, I proclaim. Everyone else on the internet thinks about jerking it to 14 year olds 23 hours a day but they care about money so they can only write that Taylor Swift is racist. I therefore have a niche.
Some other broad dumps me and I just think about you. Come back to me for Christ’s sake. Too bad she’s Vietnamese. No searching for Nguyen on facebook. Asians: get your shit together and start having real last names.
(Check out my book Hot Naked Tits.)