Reader Mailbag: Have You Had Your Prostate Milked During Orgasm

21 Nov

res detail

No. I’ve had my prostate milked by a urologist to diagnose infection. Don’t want girls in my ass. And you don’t see many girls with such low self esteem that they’ll put in the effort. Or any.

Did have a date last week who licked my armpits. Tongued down my taint like a giraffe reaching for a high branch. She mentioned ass eating. I wondered if I ought to present. You don’t get it often. Maybe you should catch a falling star.

But when ass eating is on the table I’m too horny to take it. You get worked up and just push her on her back. All your dreams of toe sucking— let go and pop off. Once that’s done you can’t be bothered.

Her BJ. Life changing. She was British. Complained that I’d trimmed my pubes, precious balls and cock smell diminished. Just before I’d cum she’d pull her head off. Anyone else would misjudge it. You’d spray into cold air. But she sensed it, like a jaguar senses prey in the thicket.

It was the BJ gays brag about when they’re trying to suck you off. It’s really different, you won’t believe how intense it is. You can watch straight porn. I have meth.

I like eating pussy but I don’t like eating nasty pussy. I don’t like dragging it out until your hand forms an arthritic hook grinding her g spot. Ten minutes tops. Rub the meatpipe on the duvet to get hard. Vault on top of her, slip in all sloppy. This chick wished she had a dick grafted on her palate.

She also shaved my back. Then we went to see Christian art in Glendale. You can bash Tinder but where else, you know.

24 Responses to “Reader Mailbag: Have You Had Your Prostate Milked During Orgasm”

  1. oscarchambers November 21, 2015 at 11:02 am #

    Are you fucking kidding me?! This was awesome! Dude answer questions daily to give me shit to read.I understand you do not want your original writings shit less than perfect .Give me these reader Q and A to get me through the week until your original works are flawless and postable.

  2. Anal Trauma November 21, 2015 at 5:33 pm #

    This piece obviously fails because of the use of the word ‘meatpipe’. Either ‘Tubesteak’ or ‘Meat Muppet’ should’ve been used.

  3. Schlafwandler November 21, 2015 at 11:30 pm #

    Butts are made for poopin. The End.

  4. Anal Trauma November 22, 2015 at 4:58 am #

    In hindsight one of your better posts. I have familiarity with English women.
    The ebullient BJ post reminded me of a one hit wonder of way back 1972 – Looking Glass. Brandy (you’re a fine girl). Primarily because I was with an English girl for two and a half years who liked to drink my load from a glass.
    ………….You just know when they’re a fine girl – major dig on the harmonies.

    • Lee Holloway November 22, 2015 at 12:12 pm #

      AT, you had a girl who liked to drink your load from a glass yet you say you have no stories worth writing on a blog. Disbelief.

      More mailbag posts, please!!

      • Anal Trauma November 23, 2015 at 4:06 am #

        You mean like how to best determine a woman’s fucking rhythm the first time you fuck her and the best sexual position to determine it?

      • Lee Holloway November 23, 2015 at 7:21 pm #

        No, I mean I really want to hear an elaborate story about a girl who drank your semen from a glass. I’m disgusting. 😉

      • Col. Tigh November 23, 2015 at 7:08 am #

        Mish, duh. And time her reactive thrusts: double-duh.

      • Anal Trauma November 25, 2015 at 5:35 am #

        I was also with a woman covered in tattoos (for a year and a half – we lived together) who preferred anal over vaginal (only way she could come, apart from oral) and really enjoyed ‘rough treatment’. interestingly, she preferred anal in the missionary position. Up your alley?

      • Lee Holloway November 25, 2015 at 8:08 am #

        Nice pun. I don’t prefer it but have done it that way, yes. AT want to write a guest post about one of these many women you have penetrated?

      • Anal Trauma November 25, 2015 at 5:48 am #

        I also had an affair with a woman who was committed (to another man) for four years. One of the main things that I remember about her, was that she when we kissed intensely she used to say ‘the passion. the passion’. she used to soak her jeans right through with pussy juice just through the kissing and (albeit short) foreplay.
        she was Italian, which may explain some of it.

  5. the judge November 22, 2015 at 4:43 pm #

    Ass eating isnt so incredible. It feels like nothing. It’s just the idea of it. Imagine having a model lick your ass from behind, on her knees, while giving a reach around. But really, taint licking is where its at. While she jerks the head. I love having pretty, clean toes in my mouth while i fill her up.

    • Anal Trauma November 22, 2015 at 5:25 pm #

      If you’re a guy and like having your ass eaten, you’re gay. It is a gay activity practiced by men suffering from gayness. If it is a woman doing it to you, you’re still gay………unless you force out a shit and penetrate her mouth with it.
      Naaaah – Still totally gay.

      • I Got A Suggestion To Keep You Occupied November 22, 2015 at 8:34 pm #

        Hows about you deepthroat a runny Ebola stool, AT.

      • the judge November 22, 2015 at 11:17 pm #

        Gays do all sorts of things. They receive blowjobs. They kiss. They recycle. They eat cereal.

      • Col. Tigh November 23, 2015 at 7:11 am #

        Oh c’mon, it’s common knowledge they only kiss (on the mouth) when the cameras are rolling. Most of the time they really loathe each other.

      • Jeff Goldblum's Manpanties in THE FLY (1986) November 23, 2015 at 2:20 pm #

        I sure don’t loathe you, “Colon”el
        Mmmmmmm Hmmmmmm………..

      • K-hole November 24, 2015 at 9:13 am #

        Eating ass and having your ass eaten are different things. Telling a girl to lick your hole is about degrading her and pushing her boundaries. It only feels good if she has a pointy tongue, is coordinated enough to jerk you of simultaneously, and mindful enough to keep that hand wet.

        Licking a girl’s ass is about being a pervert.

        I prefer making them dress up like schoolgirls with white cotton panties and then urinating on them though.

      • Col. Tigh November 24, 2015 at 2:19 pm #

        I’m flattered, really, Jeff (loved you in the Big Chill!). But quite disappointed you’ve clearly no clue for the cultural reference I ripped off for my avatar. You’re just not geek enough for me. Plus, no homo.

      • Lee Holloway November 24, 2015 at 2:43 pm #

        i get the reference. would totally bang that old codger.

      • Those Manpanties tho. And them PECS. Every flick he's in. November 25, 2015 at 2:08 am #

        Semantics about semen antics… How deliciously Droll.
        You, good sir, are the highlight of the Season !!

      • Anal Trauma November 25, 2015 at 6:02 am #

        Do I have a gay fan?

      • Lubed Lagerfeld November 25, 2015 at 10:44 am #

        You do tickle my… fancy, AT

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