Recent Complaints

15 Jan
Young Asian Female Doctor Angry Show Thumbs Down

image stolen from healthimpactnews.com

My Balls

Don’t let something be wrong with my balls. Yesterday they hurt. Today they’re unusually hot. They’re infected. It’s the cyst– the cyst that I’ve had on my balls since I was 13. That I thought was cancer because of the stupid junior high school health class pamphlet. Extend your scrotum after a hot shower and palpate each testicle, it tells you. A lump the size of a pea is cancer. It was the size of a cherry. I didn’t tell my mom for weeks. I thought I was going to die. Didn’t want to ruin our last days together.

It’s infected. Because the cyst on my shoulder got infected after I took amoxycillin when my sinuses got infected. For the shoulder cyst they gave me Bactrim, which didn’t work. They had to cut it open. Now I’m taking Keflex.

Now my balls. The amoxycillin or Bactrim or Keflex has weakened one side of a balanced war of microorganisms in the cyst on my balls. After ten thousand generations someone won. My sac more pink than usual. I’ll have to go to a doctor for my disgusting balls. Get surgery on my disgusting balls. Recover from surgery on my disgusting balls.

What if they don’t recover. What if I can’t reproduce. I better freeze my jizz. Start beating off into a jar. Keep it next to my half loaf of store brand wonder bread and my 2011 Green Giant pouch of corn, cubed carrots and Lima beans. For my children I will do this.

**********

The Mattress

I should get a softer mattress. But for now I’ll buy a foam pad at Target. What would be good is if my beautiful new expensive perfect looking bed were comfortable instead of like sleeping on a fucking rock. What would be good is if a Tinder girl showed up and was hotter than her ugly pictures yet not unwilling to immediately fuck me and take my copious loads. What would be good is if that woman who’s walking by in a lab coat short navy skirt and knee high calfskin zipper boots in chestnut, who is Asian– what would be good is to just stick my head under that skirt and sniff around her cunt taint and asshole for about 45 minutes. One of those things.

**********

I Am Now Gay

Well I jerked off to a big black cock being jerked off– am I gay now? Yes. Thank God. Although I’m too old for the gay dream. Constant fucking with no effort.

Also men are disgusting. What would it take. A perfect trap. 18th birthday. You’d think Asian, but no. Ladyboys gross me out too. Something about an Asian male face– their jaws are too pointy somehow. Weird little brown paper bag color cocks with Hershey bar color foreskin. Over-pronounced taint ridges. I’d need a blonde haired blue eyed dirndl wearing wearing Sound of Music trap with a long thick veinless meatpipe; tiny nuts, all waxed daily. Hose her down with ovulating teen girl pheromones. I’d need to relapse and be hammered. Not have jerked off in 18 days. Force fed a Clockwork Orange eye diet of that Abercrombie CEO’s inner life. Airtight NDAs executed. A fat woman with huge gums, still more appealing than a chiseled teen boy with fresh breath and a good haircut. I just like cock in porn because I picture it as my own. I just want to cum in my own face and possibly asshole. I’m gay only for myself.

3 Responses to “Recent Complaints”

  1. Atlanta Man January 15, 2017 at 4:48 pm #

    We are all gay for ourselves. I am gay for myself in the shower every morning.

    • ur a fag January 21, 2017 at 7:28 pm #

      DeliciousTacos, your writing has been subpar lately and that is clearly reflected by the steep decline in comments (quality & quantity). At least Atlanta Man is still reading and leaving funny remarks.

      Get it together DT or I’m gonna find you and rayp u.

  2. Anonymous January 17, 2017 at 11:47 pm #

    Man, cysts suck. Like tinder except with acne. Starts out small, and then you realize it’s a fat ass when you really make its acquaintance.

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