Morning Diary: You Can All Suck My Dick

3 Jun
AM coyote

pic unrelated

The neighbors upstairs have a kid. Another on the way. The one, he’s maybe two now; he just stomps back and forth sixteen hours a day. They had the carpet ripped out. Pergo floors put in. They had the furniture replaced with church organs, machine guns; garbage trucks and backhoes constantly reversing. Cages of screaming jackals. He runs and turns around and runs across as much of the place isn’t taken up by the couch crib and TV. I only ask them to quiet down at night. When I’m trying to sleep so I can wake up at six, write something that someone will comment is a failure* and that I deserve my obscurity. Otherwise I can’t bring myself to crush his joy at just being alive to run from one place to another. Getting strong to chase the buffalo.

I can’t live here anymore. They’re jacking the rent up to where I can’t save money. The neighborhood’s New York people now. White Creative Directors of Comcast’s Diverse Women Entrepreneurs Campaign. Agnes married one of them. They’ll buy a house in El Sereno. She’ll make sure it’s on the edge where Asians live, for the schools. He runs and runs and they open the sliding closet door like an earthquake just in case my good dreams are kicking in. Someone’s dog barks somewhere. I live alone with one fish left in the tank. My credit’s too shitty to move and it’s someone else’s fault.

*Let me say this again: what the fuck would you know about failure. Why is it a failure. Because it doesn’t make money? Go buy a fucking Tim Ferris seminar you rube. Go read fucking Tony Robbins. I can’t even begin to give a fuck about money. Do you think you’re helping me with this shit? Tough love? Getting me off my ass? I’m 41 years old; I work a more than fucking full time job and then get up early to do this shit for you, and nobody on Earth even comes fucking close. I don’t get paid because I don’t care about getting paid. Tell me how your novel is doing. Tell me about the career you’ve carved out with your good honest writing. It can’t be fucking done. I do the work anyway. I’m the only one who’s good. If you disagree– fucking show me I’m wrong. You’re fucking lucky to have me. You want something better, you can fucking pay for my food bills rent car, and then sit patiently while I take that free money and spend it on Southeast Asian whores for six months to a year before I type a word.

Talk to me about your writing career. Show me how you did it. Every book by someone alive who isn’t Houellebecq I can’t get 30 pages into. You all suck. All much worse than me. Go make a living writing. Go talk about Trump like it fucking matters who’s president. You and the rest of the retarded children. Go make topical shit to sell ads, go make the fucking Tonight Show of Social Justice with Trans Jay Leno Brought to you by Comcast for Vice Facebook Exclusives. Get a taste of that sweet 28 g’s a year; try not to let your hands shake when you type the word “creative” on your fucking Linkedin. Alternately: shut the fuck up, go live your anti-intellectual life, read my posts on the toilet once a month and be fucking grateful that I’m alive. That I’m miserable enough that you get the fucking privilege of seeing honest work that someone better than you crafted for you for fucking free, you god damn pinhead. You want me to give shit about what you think, cut me a check every week. Or be a woman. Not a fat one either.

39 Responses to “Morning Diary: You Can All Suck My Dick”

  1. fuck em June 3, 2017 at 10:13 am #

    Agreed on all fronts. You don’t owe anything to anyone, and I personally am a big fan of your writing. The posts about Angela are gut wrenching and very relatable to anybody who’s ever been in love, so don’t listen to your fat masturbating critics. I just genuinely hope some normal chick comes around soon that will help you out of the depression.

  2. Iabt June 3, 2017 at 12:12 pm #

    I enjoyed that.

  3. Nikolai Vladivostok June 3, 2017 at 12:59 pm #

    Part of you wants the stupid comments. It’s the same part that manifests itself in your other self-destructive behaviours that you write so much about.
    Evidence: you don’t moderate. Everyone else deletes the retards. In fact I get some of the very same retards as you get here but they no longer bother because their comments disappear without otherwise prompting any reaction at all.
    My amateur psychology fails when I ponder why you pretend not to read the comments and never respond. If anyone could deliver a biting comeback, it would be you. Do you enjoy wallowing in the bile, wondering if the bastards might have a point? That’s my best guess.
    I rarely visit below the line here anymore because I can’t bear the unpoliced idiocy. Just dropped in today because I noticed the feckwits had not yet arrived. Other normies probably the same.

    • seriouslypleasedropit June 3, 2017 at 10:36 pm #

      ^

      DT, you deserve better than us. So why are you inviting us around?

      You’re the most articulate, funny, determined…wallower…that I know.

      I seem to remember you mentioned in a podcast that you were getting kind of tired of your “life sucks” schtick. Maybe I’m remembering wrong. But until you stop filling the role of Most Interesting Loser In The World, you’re gonna find it hard to be any kind of winner.

      I almost want to say to stop writing, not because the writing’s bad (yes, obviously I follow and read religiously a blog the writing of which I hate), but because it ties you to DT. I want to say: [REDACTED] has a future, while DT is probably gonna be found in a gutter in the Phillipines. But then I read something like this and I think, well, maybe.

    • Kitten Holiday June 4, 2017 at 5:27 pm #

      I like it when you yell at us. It’s hot.

  4. Atlanta Man June 3, 2017 at 12:59 pm #

    I liked this one a lot!

  5. MD June 3, 2017 at 10:19 pm #

    That ending… Fucking golden!

  6. Anonymous June 3, 2017 at 11:13 pm #

    you sound like a whiny little bitch

  7. topcomment June 4, 2017 at 11:37 am #

    > do this shit for you, and nobody on Earth even comes fucking close. I don’t get paid because I don’t care about getting paid. … I do the work anyway. I’m the only one who’s good …

    > Every book by someone alive who isn’t Houellebecq I can’t get 30 pages into. You all suck.

    It’s not strictly true but very close. I link to your work whenever I need an example of a good writer and peddle your book whenever someone asks what to read. Sadly, never hear anything back.

  8. The Empty Subject June 4, 2017 at 12:44 pm #

    I’ve always thought that people misunderstood you. They don’t get that the point is the writing, not the life around it. People read about your life and want to give you advice, when the real subject is literature. That’s what I’ve admired about this blog. Not the dysfunctional exploits, but rather the art, your writing style. On the internet people tend to expect either self help or propaganda, so they miss the point. They call you a loser or a whiner when the life and the whining are just the raw material for the act of writing. Keep waking up early, man.

  9. Kitten Holiday June 4, 2017 at 5:28 pm #

    I can’t even comment correctly. lol

    • Atlanta Man June 4, 2017 at 7:55 pm #

      Kitten Holiday I will pay for a ticket to LA(round trip) if you go fuck Delicious Tacos. Dead ass serious.

      • Kitten Holiday June 4, 2017 at 8:02 pm #

        Do we need his consent or nah ?

      • Atlanta Man June 5, 2017 at 1:18 pm #

        I am sure he will not say no. If the pictures of you on your blog are real, and recent he is not going to even speak-he is just going to go right at it. He is a man, we are pretty uniform as desire goes-If she is attractive, have sex with her.

  10. Abracaxandra June 4, 2017 at 6:03 pm #

    I found your blog by trying to find some chicken shit asshole I never met who wronged me… maybe he follows you. But here I sit, on the crapper, kinda loving every fucking word for some reason.
    You confuse the crap out of me….

  11. caesar June 5, 2017 at 7:16 am #

    get off his back he will write when he feels like writing is the message i get and hes %100 right , hes the funniest mother fucker when it comes naturally without anyone demanding it or throwing some guilt at him for not writing for our pleasure, write when you write DT and i will appreciate it all the same thanks buddy

  12. Sorcerygod June 5, 2017 at 10:50 am #

    Good to see the commentators (justifiably) standing up for Lord Delish.

    I suspect there’s far more arrogance (again justifiably) in the Rightful Lord than there is wallowing, if you don’t mind an expert in human psychodynamics saying so.

  13. antares June 5, 2017 at 3:02 pm #

    read this on the toilet

  14. Anonymous June 5, 2017 at 7:20 pm #

    Hey DT, keep writing. There are plenty of us who regularly check out your work and are hoping you won’t stop. Most people don’t comment, including me until now. We just stop by and enjoy the work.

  15. Anonymous June 5, 2017 at 11:25 pm #

    You are a complete fag, also a whiner. Mussolini just took his, had a wet dick like your mom dreams about. Quit crying and blow some money on whores already you complete pussy. Sensitive is 1993.

  16. Diksoaurus Rex June 6, 2017 at 1:12 am #

    Not a failure on any account. Don’t let anybody psych you out like that, DbroT. So what if it doesn’t make money. So what if nobody reads it. So what honestly, even if it does suck. If you love it, if you stroke yourself reading it and you go, damn my writing is so stellar, then it’s not a failure. Fuck the haters.

    • Suckadikasoreass Wrecks June 6, 2017 at 3:19 am #

      Yup. And if you ever wake up a 21 stone moo cow you will be healthy beautiful and desirable in spite of your red rashy tree trunk ankles. Baby, those aren’t calcified gonads, those are diamonds.

  17. Crossed the Rubicon June 6, 2017 at 9:37 pm #

    Have you thought about setting up a Patreon? You’re more than talented enough.

  18. Evan June 7, 2017 at 12:26 pm #

    I listened to some podcast interview where you explained why you can’t bring yourself to mainstream your stuff, and one of the faggot interviewers reacted with a nasal, “Yeahhhhhhhhh, I don’t know,” or something, and then proceeded to instruct you on why you were wrong and how to improve. Had to turn it off immediately.

    As far as the noise, get earplugs. Line the walls of your apartment with cork, like Marcel Proust, I think it was.

  19. katie June 7, 2017 at 1:51 pm #

    you can’t expect to be a truly great writer with a blind ego like that buddy

  20. katie June 7, 2017 at 1:52 pm #

    however there will always be people who are easily taken in by overly confident rhetoric (see: the other DT)

  21. Anonymous June 8, 2017 at 3:11 pm #

    normie, healthy version of DT:

    matthewgleslie.com

    • Anonymous June 10, 2017 at 8:07 am #

      Wait, that dude’s been pegging the same chick for over 10 years and hasn’t knocked her up? Normie? Healthy? Looks can be deceiving.

      I think I’d rather be a self-hating mediocrity writing about his desperate simping for collective commons pussy who’s least conscious of his own thwarted desires rather than some chick’s forever girlfriend.

  22. Conrad Thunderton June 8, 2017 at 9:59 pm #

    I’ve read your blog for several years, and all in all I’m just disappointed. I’m just so disappointed that someone with your intellect, your incisiveness, your spirit that longs for the good, your ability to express those small things thought but never well expressed, and so on — so disappointed that you have ended up in such a terrible place. You know that LA people are twisted, alienated, miserable people that cast their misery on anyone that goes past (I should also add NYC people). Do you really want to keep going past them day after day?

    As someone whose ancestors fought for the Republic of Texas, I endorse and encourage you to move to Austin or Dallas, provided that you immediately buy a gun and also never vote for a Democrat ever again. We readers need your content to change, and honestly, those of us that have grown to care about what you’re doing recognize this terrible environment you’re in. Get the fuck out of there! You can rent a decent apartment in an Echo Lake-comparable part of Austin for $900 a month. The entire country is not yet a miserable desiccated bugman-hive, and I want to know how you feel and what you post when you live somewhere that isn’t.

  23. Small June 9, 2017 at 11:50 am #

    Define “fat,” but then again, I think I can safely assume that’s me. C-grade pussy here all the way. I am appropriately rebuffed.

  24. K-hole June 9, 2017 at 6:07 pm #

    Thanks for doing this blog. I’ll say a prayer to the pussy gods for you.

  25. Guest June 10, 2017 at 3:45 pm #

    You have talent, but I miss the good stuff like the Unemployment Diary or the Shit Jobs series or that piece on the Ellen! marketer. The recent stuff has been kind of repetitive. Why not write about your current white-collar job? You may not agree, but to me it sounds interesting.

    Anyway, for anyone else who is reading: I think this is the comment that is pissing DT off so much:

    https://delicioustacos.com/2017/04/16/i-need-to-fuck-someone-i-need-to-post-something/#comment-74444.

    I think it’s kind of hilarious — I wish DT would see the humor in it.

    • If the cap fits ... June 11, 2017 at 7:16 am #

      … wear it.

      • Guest June 11, 2017 at 9:59 am #

        Fuck off. I can ask for more of my favorite content without being a top writer myself. What DT does with my advice is up to him, but he would be well-advised to stop complaining that the page views are in the toilet and start listening to his fans. Otherwise, there is no point in having a comment section.

  26. Eduardo the Magnificent June 11, 2017 at 8:16 pm #

    When people quit laughing their asses off at your posts, it’s time to call it quits. That’s all the advice I got.

  27. Yellowfever June 16, 2017 at 5:02 am #

    People don’t read anymore. If you want to make a living off this, I’d suggest moving to video format.

    • Mansonosam June 16, 2017 at 9:04 am #

      Oh my freaking god, speaking of people who don’t read anymore here comes you. DT doesn’t want to make money off of this, can’t you read? He’s doing this for the art. He doesn’t care about money, except when he’s asking his audience to send him a check every week to justify the abuse he gets.

      But seriously, a big thumbs down on the video format suggestion. What DT needs are T-shirts and coffee mugs, key chains, refrigerator magnets, you know, like, real merch baby.

  28. longtime reader June 17, 2017 at 11:13 am #

    It’s interesting to think d.t. may actually be right, he may well be one of the best contemporary writers in English. Certainly in the semi autobiographical vein. Who else is there? David Sedaris? D.t. is at least as good as that… I think much better. And it’s cool to be able to read his work in real time. One does worry about d.t., since he seems unhappy, but life is suffering, isn’t it?

  29. longtime reader June 17, 2017 at 11:44 am #

    Maybe tao lin

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