Tetas Grandes

Supposed to write something positive but that’s horseshit. Look I love the squirrels and sunshine but it’s fucking enough of this house arrest. The vaccine makes your T cells gnaw through the nerves in your spine and the drugs will be horseshit and it’s time to let the obese, elderly and immunocompromised die. Sorry fattie. I’m sure there’s a buffet in heaven. But work from home and lift from home and Skype date from home because every boring cunt Bumble lawyer dutifully visits her stupid Korean grandmother twice a week– I’m done. Eight months was plenty. CA governor Gavin Newsom who should not be shot and LA mayor Eric Garcetti who should not be dragged behind a Jeep over 12 miles of cholla cactus will never let this lockdown end. There will always be some reason to extend it. Save the old people the fat people the poor little abuelitas, boo hoo.

It’s DONE. Fucking ENOUGH. I made the most of it. I put out a book! Wrote shit. Learned archery, guns. Started learning Greek. Bolstered my triceps and obliques on Olympic rings I hung on a beam. Got closer with the cat. The squirrels. The fucking raccoon– I did all the shit you’re supposed to do. Money I saved not doing anything fun I invested. Went to Zoom AA, helped people from Twitter get sober. I fucking hiked, went on day trips, saw the sequoias, the waterfalls the rabbits ground squirrels pelicans, every fucking thing within a 500 mile radius, baked bread simmered beef stock pulled forth crops from the cruel dry Earth, learned boxing, training hitting air for what feels like infinite minutes with weights in my hands swiveling my hips till I was breathing like Chris Christie walking up five stairs– ENOUGH. ENOUGH FUCKING PRODUCTIVE SHIT. Oh yeah I killed it at my job too. I did what I was supposed to. I made “breakthroughs” in “therapy.” None of it matters.

There’s always more to do. But life is Far Cry 5 or Breath of the Wild, not Witcher 3. There’s no story. Only identical enemy encampments. Puzzle dungeons. Divine Beasts in service of nothing. Defeating Ganon who’ll surely stay dead this time. Nothing happens, nothing changes, elections, debates, controversies over black people, the same shit simply continues and your god damn mind never turns off, prayer stops working, there’s always more of the same horseshit to do and to write well you need to fucking live.

Did what I was supposed to. Spiritual growth did not result. Went to get a massage but at the only place open illegally the woman was too old. Don’t want them to jack me off but I need someone who’d at least get me hard if she tried. Anyway I’ll go to the beach. My ex wants to meet me. My beautiful ex and her tetas grandes. Tetas grandes.