Avatar 3

28 Dec

F**k that!”: James Cameron on Adding the Best Avatar 3 Scene He Wanted to Use in Sequel

Avatar 3 is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. It’s the imaginary battle you drew in your notebook in third grade. You showed your friends and they joined in. Pages and pages of epics about a giant unending war between armies of armored evil men with submarines that had crab claws against ripped warriors mounted on superbeasts smashed together out of a shark a lion and a firebreathing giraffe. You drew the visuals and you told each other the story. Every boy had this dream. A man kept that dream alive. He made other movies for 40 years. Because that’s what it took to get the money people and computers together to make the dream into this movie. Continue reading →

Being a Drunk

28 Nov

Being a drunk makes your life high adventure. Stumbling down the street trying to get home. Trying to get up the stairs. Waking up hung over willing your fingers to log on and pay a bill before the power gets shut off. Not knowing if you’ll make it. Waking up next to a human form not knowing- monster, murderer, beautiful nice lady, did I fuck her, did I use a condom, could I even get hard, did I get her pregnant. Will she accuse me of rape. Being a drunk gives your life stakes. Being drunk makes your life a TV show, the Twilight Zone, is she my sister, is she the cholo neighbor’s girlfriend, is she my landlord’s underage niece. Did I piss the bed.

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I Like Getting Older

25 Oct

I like getting older. I stand in the yard with my hose. Horses walk by. Birds singing. I still don’t know all of them. The dog waits for me in bed. The nights finally get cold. She stretches out against my back. Susannah takes me to parties, young people. Another country. A city where I used to live and like all old people I say it fell to shit. I don’t know how these young men do it. Tough out there- but I wrote down what it was like when I was young. It was tough then too. It was the worst it ever was, we had it so hard. How do young men do it- how did I do it. I stayed alive till it got better. Till the things that made me mad subsided by me doing nothing. By just staying alive. Not drinking, eating vegetables. Stretching before activity. Problems went away. I stood by the banks of the river. And they floated by.

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Don’t Be the Guy

26 Sep

Don’t be the guy. A lot of people out there saying someone’s gotta DO SOMETHING. About the left the right Zionists Hamas blacks whites troons Nazis etc. etc. etc. Don’t let it be you. You are gonna live a long life. A nice house. A nice dog. Not end up cold and alone in the woods on the run from big men putting knees on your neck. With everyone who said someone’s gotta do something saying you’re a piece of shit cuz you did something. Someone’s gotta do something. Never them. So not you. Live a long life.

Twilight of the Idols

25 Aug

I went for a run last night. Out in the park. Up the sand trail where people take their horses. To where the dog ate the toad one time and back. It was full dark of night by the time I got motivated, and it got cool enough.

On the way back I saw animals in the grass. I stopped and looked. A skunk was snuffling about with three coyotes lounging. It had been hot, it was a hundred degrees that day. The grass in the park is cool. Sprinklers come on at night. The coyotes lay placidly while the skunk snuffled for grubs, all a few feet from each other. A skunk hanging out with three coyotes.

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I’ll Miss This House

22 Jul

I love sleeping with the dog. Waking up with the dog. Every night I take a bath. She knows it’s close to bedtime. She waits on the bed. Susannah’s in New York this week. I gotta move to our new house. Moving is like a death. Your own death by a bad disease. The memories and feelings in the house welling up while you fight transactions bills work money logistics man up etc.etc. Lifting heavy boxes in the heat and crude workmen barking while you want to sit and cry sifting through letters from the dead.

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Father’s Day

15 Jun

Every Father’s Day I wake up unhappy. Stay unhappy all day. Don’t know why. And remember it’s Father’s Day and my father is dead. He had a pretty long great life. He left behind a loving family, I talk to my brothers just about every day.

We saw it coming. He got cancer. He was given six months to live and he lived 15 more years. He came out to stay with me. Got to see my place, meet my friends. I got to say goodbye to him before he died. I’m still sad he’s dead. I’m sitting here in a coffee shop and I half want to cry typing about him. But they’re playing EDM.

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The Mountain

28 May

It’s the big day. Don’t forget the ring.

What if she says no. I had a nightmare. We were walking on the beach and talking. Here in Japan. I started to say how would you feel about getting engaged and a high school marching band who was on a field trip on the beach started playing. Waves crashing and french horns sousaphones and trombones, fat kids in uniforms. She started to say I don’t want a serious relationship and I said IT’S TOO LOUD. Let’s go over there. We went behind a concrete pier piling and there was just a little trickling stream. I said but we love each other and she was saying no. But the kids from the marching band were there. We were sheltered from the sound and they could hear us. I said NOW IT’S TOO QUIET, god dammit. I had a nightmare where I floated the idea to her. And she said no. And here we were in Japan.

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Susannah Diaries, Part 5

30 Apr

Walking in despair to the burrito stand thinking Susannah was mad at me, thinking she was leaving me. Thinking I should call her but the cars going by were too loud. Thinking: if it’s God’s will that I should have a job and no girlfriend, I will defy God’s will. Thinking: I will work to destroy the faith of as many people as I can.

I ate the burrito and felt better.

Vacation

30 Mar

I’m on vacation from thinking about the future. All I have to do is lay in bed with her watching a stupid movie. When she goes to piss her dog gets on the bed. Her pug, Cinnamon. Cinnamon is not allowed here but I don’t know that, so I call Cinnamon, because the bed’s lonely without Susannah. And Cinnamon jumps up and instead of reclining serenely by my side like a faithful hunting hound in a painting, like I imagined, Cinnamon runs up my leg on to my stomach, plants her back foot into my nuts, and then circles and circles on my belly like she’s trying to become one with me. Like she’s tunneling into my body to be close to me. Then she climbs up my chest and sits on my face, then stands on my forehead trying to lick my eyes while I squirm laughing. I hear the toilet flush and the faucet run for a second and Susannah comes back in and yells at Cinnamon to get off the bed. She knows she’s not supposed to be there, she says. But oh God she thinks she doesn’t have to listen to me now because you’re a man.

I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.

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